


Something to Call Home

by Amrynth



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fae, And Mollymauk still personifies the circus, Caleb Widogast is a Mess, Caleb has two hands, Canon-Typical Violence, Endgame: Caleb can have two boyfriends (as a treat), Essek is a pretty Fairy, M/M, Multi, Self-Worth Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:22:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 59,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25600534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amrynth/pseuds/Amrynth
Summary: Mollymauk:  Handsome carnival worker and definitely some sort of fey though he doesn't seem to know it.Essek:  Dangerous (and pretty!) fairy who is just waiting to lure Caleb across the veil into the Wild Lands.Caleb:  Anxiety-riddled, wizard school dropout who's been running away from his past so long he doesn't know how to look to the future.When their worlds come together and Caleb finally has to face who he used to be, will it help him choose who he wants to become?
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, Mollymauk Tealeaf/Caleb Widogast, Mollymauk Tealeaf/Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, Nott | Veth Brenatto & Caleb Widogast
Comments: 124
Kudos: 211





	1. Caleb Makes a New Friend

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I started this for NaNoWriMo 2019 and got about 50k worth of it done. It's now finished and I thought I would start posting chapters on this my four year fanfic-anniversary! 
> 
> I've had a lot of fun working on this over the last year and hopefully that carries through!

Chapter One: Caleb makes a new friend

This story started when it was cold and dark and rainy. That was hardly the most significant element of the night, but at the point the story started, it was what mattered.

A figure stumbled, collapsing into the cold rainwater. On impact, it didn’t even budge. What would be the point? Rising to his feet meant struggling forward. Falling again. He would just hurt all over again. Worse, he might start to hope again. Perhaps if he remained where he was long enough, he might drown.

He wasn’t Caleb Widogast, not yet, but he would be. He did not know precisely who he was just yet, though he thought he had hit as low as a human could. And he was so very wrong.

-

There was a knock on the door. Caleb looked up from the bag he was in the middle of packing, blue eyes narrowed at the door as he held his breath.

“Sir?”

Caleb released his breath in one great gust. Just the hotel staff.

“Sir, we have some, er,” the stranger on the other side of the door paused. Probably trying to figure out a way to tell Caleb there was a problem with the payment. Of course there was a problem with the payment; the couple leaving the hotel as Caleb entered had finally realized they were being charged for a hotel room they thought they had checked out of two days ago. “There has been a complication with the bill for the room.”

It wasn’t the police, which was something, although Caleb couldn’t be certain if they were also waiting outside for him to come to the door. Caleb patted the bag once and checked the two holsters under his coat out of habit before walking toward the door. The bag he would miss if it was left behind due to circumstances. The books he might as well die without them.

“Oh dear,” Caleb sounded convincingly put out because he was. There was no need to ask. Also because he pushed his actual panic down to emulate someone who had never faced something worse than a credit card that bounced. “Darling, would you get your wallet and go down to speak with the front desk?” He spoke to an empty room.

Caleb paused a moment, as though listening to someone’s reply. “Yes of course”

He opened the door to an anxious looking man in his early twenties wearing the uniform of the hotel he’d been sleeping in. Caleb glanced at his name tag before speaking again.

“Jacob, is it?” He smiled, trying to will warmth into his blue eyes. He didn’t feel it. Caleb spoke with a soft Zemnian accent, softening the J in the man’s name. “My husband is just finding his wallet, we had a problem with some of his cards flagging fraudulent because we are traveling, ja?”

Relief on Jacob’s face was painfully obvious. He didn’t really want to confront Caleb anymore than Caleb wanted to be confronted. He was more than happy to accept the easiest option presented to him.

“Of course, sir. We’ll be waiting for him downstairs.”

Caleb closed the door gently but pressed his forehead to the wood. Panic made it hard to breathe and reared its head as soon as the immediate problem was no longer before him. Time to go. Again. He felt that he was always going. Always had been, always would be.

It was five years after the day in the rain when Caleb had failed to even drown. There had been a lot of failure since then. A lot of running and going when he would really prefer to stay. Places that never even had a chance to be home. One hand briefly toyed with a silver ring on the other, knowing perfectly well he could find a way out. A place to belong, for however long his candle could burn, if he was inclined to finally relent. The moment was brief and Caleb returned to his bag to finish cramming hotel toiletries and towels on top of his scant belongings. Who would they charge them to anyways? His imaginary husband perhaps. 

Once he felt enough time had passed, Caleb shouldered his bag and pulled the hood of his coat up over red-brown hair. It was time to say farewell to another home. At least this one was always meant to be temporary. There was nothing Caleb would miss here but the comfort of clean sheets, a shower, and a bed.

It was still early in the afternoon, two-o’clock and Caleb’s stomach reminded him there had been no lunch. He squinted into the daylight on emerging out of the main entrance of the hotel without incident. There was enough legitimate customers this time of day attempting to leave their luggage in the hotel until they could check in; the staff at the counter was too bogged down to even notice on person with a hood, let alone recognize him. He had the funds for lunch but how far would they have to stretch. How long until he allowed himself to feel safe again?

“You look like a man with a lot of troubles.”

Caleb was startled out of his thoughts by a voice catching his attention. The speaker stood just outside his personal bubble, smiling winningly when their eyes met. He looked human enough, at first glance, but he wasn’t. Canines just a bit too sharp, his eyes solid red. But it wasn’t those details, anyone could fake the physical manifestation of being a bit Other, a bit fey. It was the energy Caleb could feel from the stranger’s lanky form, resonating between them like a crystal struck at just the right place to produce a musical tone. It made his arms ache and his heart stutter in his chest.

“Sorry, I did not catch that,” Caleb stalled, not certain how safe it was to respond to a statement like that. Better to give himself time to think, to attempt to determine what this stranger wanted. In some ways, dealing with the Fair Folk wasn’t that different from another human.

When the man smiled again, enough of Caleb’s attention was focused on him that he could not help but notice the man was ravishingly handsome. He had perfectly smudged mascara around those solid, red and hard to read eyes. His clothing was outlandish, an intricately embroidered coat and boots that came up to mid-thigh. Brown skin, what Caleb could see of it, colored with either vibrant tattoos or paint, he couldn’t decide which.

“I said,” he stated again, pleasant brogue curling his words until Caleb wanted to live in them. “That you look like a man with a lot of troubles.”

“I am, you are an astute fellow,” Caleb answered. 

“Do you want to see if the cards have anything to say about your troubles?” the handsome stranger asked, smiling those too-sharp teeth at him. 

Around them people were making their way around them down the sidewalk, irritated by two men blocking the flow of traffic. The musical resonance Caleb could feel in his bones and his chest felt deafening and overwhelming and he just wanted nothing else. He wanted the sweet silence of nothing often enough but that beautiful note of something Other about this man left him wanting something more. 

“No, but thank you. My troubles will remain my own.” Caleb hoped he sounded polite enough and stepped around the man to continue down the sidewalk, rejoining the flow of traffic.

He did look back, the feeling of energy fading enough he could bear to look back at the stranger. The flamboyant man had his cards in his hands and had shuffled to draw one, considering it with a canted head. Behind him, at this distance, Caleb could actually look away from the man to see the carnival that had been set up in the park across from the hotel. Bright tents and music filled the small square and other garishly dressed performers were approaching strangers in the street in order to draw their attention and coin to the fair. 

Caleb didn’t want to know what card the man had drawn so he walked on, letting that tone between them die out into the silent cacophony that was the noise of an entire city. He didn’t need to accidentally make a promise to one of the Fair Folk, even if he was at a fair. Despite himself, Caleb found he chuckled at his own mental joke and also found himself wondering if he’d finally slipped over the edge into madness.

Ghostly fingers brushed inside Caleb’s coat and he automatically reached out to catch them. In his fist he found a writhing, green wrist skinnier than anything, a goblin girl trying to break free. A quick glance confirmed both his books were still in their holsters; in the long run nothing else he carried on his person mattered.

“Let me go I didn’t take nothing,” the goblin hissed in a broken voice while trying to pull her wrist and hand away from him.

“I am more trouble than it’s worth little-” Caleb stopped. 

There should have been some energy from this goblin, radiating at him in the same way it had the handsome fellow at the carnival. Before he could say anything about the strange anomaly, sharp teeth sank into his hand as the goblin bit him.

“Scheisse!” But he’d let go before he could help it. “Wait, you are not a…” But she was gone before Caleb could point out she wasn’t a goblin, for all that she had looked like one.

It was a bad day for meeting strangers. But when was it a good day? He wiped his bloody hand on the leg of his pants and then tucked it into his coat so it wasn’t quite as obvious. Caleb propped his bag on one leg and rummaged blindly with his good hand until he found a hotel washcloth. No need to advertise to everyone on the street he had a bag full of pilfered hotel goods. But it was important to stop his hand bleeding, to prevent infection if he was going to be sleeping on the streets again. Additionally, blood did strange things to magic and if he needed to cast it was better not to add an unknown element.

Whatever rested feeling Caleb had from sleeping in a hotel was already gone. He just had a headache and could feel the tension in his neck throbbing in tandem with his bitten hand. Goblins weren’t poisonous as far as he knew but he knew even less about things that looked like goblins but were not. 

Gingerly, Caleb wrapped the washcloth around his hand, holding it in a curled fist at the ends. It was a good indication that he was able to make a fist, that meant the damage was probably superficial. He scanned the crowd, trying to spot the little goblin girl again. The goblin girl who was not a goblin. Had she been trying to get anything that could be helpful or had she been specifically trying to steal one of his books?

It wasn't worth the risk. He should consider himself lucky his books hadn't been touched and call it a day. If she needed help, she was on her own. Caleb tried to make himself callous about it, make himself not care. His chest ached but he thought it had been successful enough that he might be able to convince himself he didn't care later in the day.

With only one last, swift glance back at the bright tents of the fair, Caleb adjusted his bag and walked away down the sidewalk. He didn't have a goal, aside from not here. When he'd failed to die in the alley he'd grimly pushed forward; if he wasn't meant to find quiet and peace there then perhaps he was meant to find it elsewhere.

The sunlight left him sweating in his coat but Caleb refused to take it off. Just another thing he would have to carry and he hated having his books exposed if it could be avoided. Soon enough the sun would work its way back down the sky and he would be looking for a park to sleep in and would treasure any warmth that the coat retained. 

The sky was starting to shift from a soft, deep autumnal blue to shades of purple and red when Caleb checked his internal clock. Seven. If he was going to find a safe place to stay he ought to keep his eyes open. Caleb stopped to peel the washcloth he'd been mindlessly holding back from his hand. He placed his back against an old, brick building. The bleeding had stopped hours ago but he'd been so intent on moving forward, moving away, that he hadn't even moved the cloth once. Stopping meant exactly what was happening, Caleb's body alerting him to a skipped lunch and now the dinner he had missed. His legs aching from walking and his back from the towels and soaps he had added to the pack early in the afternoon. They hadn't been heavy then but by the end of the day the weight was unbearable. 

Food first, then a place to sleep. 

"You don't belong here."

The speaker was immediately familiar, Caleb had just been considering the bite mark she had left on his hand. 

"I am not sure what you mean by that, you will have to be more specific," Caleb responded. 

Big, gold eyes blinked up at him, reflecting the fading light to give the illusion they were glowing. She didn't make a move to bite him again, which was at least a move in the right direction from their last interaction. But her eyes looked so solemn, so big and sad, he wasn't sure if she was making a new play to steal his books or if she was actually who she appeared to be.

"You're magical," she said. Her voice was as jagged as her teeth, broken and unpleasant to the ear. 

"Ja, you might be onto something. You are not, which is an interesting trait in a goblin." Caleb didn't let his guard down, but gripped the washcloth in his fist and readied his other hand just in case. 

Those big, big eyes grew wider and her demeanor shifted. "Can you see me?"

"Nein, little one, it's not something I can see. It is something I feel, here," he tapped his chest. "Goblins have an echo, a feeling, the same as anything else from the Wildlands. You do not."

"I'm not a child, you don't need to call me little one," the goblin hissed. She only came up to Caleb's waist, large ears aside, so the moniker had seemed the most appropriate at the time. "I'm Nott."

"I did not disagree with you, but if you do not want to be called little one, you'll have to give me a name to call you by."

"Nott!"

"Yes, well, perhaps I had best be going," Caleb was just too tired to deal with a goblin who’d bit him and refused to give something to call her.

“No, Nott’s my name. Please, I think you could help me.”

“Nott. You have followed me for several hours now, bit me, and tried to steal the only thing about me that matters at all. But, in the reverse order. Why should I help you?” Caleb lifted a hand and snapped his fingers, a small flame igniting over his palm. Whatever she was, either she did not have a Name or was wise enough in the manner of magic to have a false name to give to others.

Nott’s big eyes contracted, reflecting the small flame on their glassy surface. “Because I’m very sorry. And- and because I can help you!”

“I do not need help,” he responded, a hard humorless smile on his lips. “I do just fine by myself.”

“No, you’re not safe at all. You didn’t even know you were being followed until I spoke up,” she countered. “I can keep an eye out while you sleep! I even have a nest near here where you’ll be safe and warm.”

Caleb didn’t want to be swayed, didn’t want to trust anyone let alone this little creature who had already proven she couldn’t be trusted. But something about Nott made the lonely ache in his chest loosen. It wasn’t that he wanted to be alone, he didn’t deserve any better than that. But what did this goblin girl deserve? He’d told himself before that her problems were her own, but face to face with her it was hard to hold to that.

“Will I wake up with all my belongings if I agree to help you?” 

“Well I won't steal anything and I’ll be certain to keep an eye out for anyone trying to steal from you, so of course you will,” Nott grinned at him but her smile was as jagged and disconcerting as her angry face had been earlier. She stuck out one skinny hand, all knobby knuckles and long, clever fingers. “What’s your name?”

After a second, a low, grudging smile stole its way onto Caleb’s face. “Well, Nott, I am called Caleb Widogast.” He pulled the washcloth from his hand and offered it to Nott, the red and slightly swollen bite mark on his hand very apparent. 

Nott’s golden eyes flicked to the mark on his hand and her ears flattened slightly back like a cat’s. “I am sorry I bit you Mister Caleb.” But she took his hand with both of hers, wrapping them around his. 

“As am I,” he answered, but his smile was warmer than he meant it to be. “Tell me Nott, you have a lovely nest but what can you do about supper?”

-

Nott’s concept of food was slightly off from Caleb’s, but she didn’t take offense when he’d rejected rat fresh from the sewers. The “nest” she had offered was a hollow deep in a patch of blackberries in the nearby park. Caleb never would have noticed the low tunnel in the dim evening light once they reached it without her guidance. He crawled on his knees and elbows, pack held in his hands, and followed the guiding sound of Nott’s voice. 

The nest itself was roomy enough Nott could stand and Caleb could sit up without hitting his head on the thorns and vines over their heads. She had really made the space into a home, Caleb hadn’t expected the old sleeping bag with the distinct impression of a small body on it, the tiny shoe box full of buttons and little carvings and dinosaur figures with the price tag from where she’d stolen it still attached. A pile of discarded bottles for inexpensive alcohol were organized by color and size right where an errant beam of sun might strike them during the day. It wasn’t a space Caleb would call home, but it was the closest thing he’d been to it in a while.

Nott almost looked shy as Caleb was gazing around the space of her nest. “What do you think?”

“I think it’s magical,” Caleb answered honestly. He would hate to leave this place, if it was able to become a brief home. 

For a moment Nott was just startled with those wide eyes before she smiled, wide and jagged and oh so pleased. “Well you just take it easy Mister Caleb.”

“Caleb is fine, Nott. If we are to be companions you should not have to call me mister,” he interrupted.

“Alright then. You stay here and I’ll be back with real, human food.” Nott smiled at him and Caleb’s first impression of her smile didn’t really change but he was finding it less intimidating to be faced with it. 

She only had to bend at the waist to jog down the long tunnel. Caleb felt that he had spent forever crawling down it, and he could appreciate how her entrance wasn’t particularly approachable for most humans. Only someone of her stature or smaller would have an easy time approaching and even then it would take them some time to navigate the tunnel easily. Nott only moved at the speed she did without risking injury because of apparent familiarity. 

Caleb ran a hand through his hair, sticky with dry sweat after walking all day. He would have loved access to a shower again, but Nott’s nest had more appeal for him than the hotel had. There was a bottle of vodka and several bottles of water in his bag and while he had the comfort of privacy, he opened the vodka from the mini bar. After pouring vodka on one of the corners of the washcloth, Caleb hissed as he dabbed the dried blood away from his hand. Another look confirmed the bite had been superficial and, having had a better look at Nott’s teeth, she had bitten to make him let go. She was more than capable of doing real damage if she’d been so inclined.

He was still considering his hand when he felt ringing rather than heard it. He’d checked the area to make sure the brambles Nott was leading him to weren’t at the base of a Mound but that had only been a superficial glance around. But the resonance in his chest and arms was familiar and it wasn’t even necessary to look down at the ring on his left index finger to see the markings lighting up.

“Interesting company you are keeping these days.” Essek’s voice was familiar and not entirely unwelcome, though his timing could have been better. 

Caleb looked up from his hand to find that the rest of the space in Nott’s nest was taken up by the elf. He was somehow making half of her space glamorous. Essek knew perfectly well he was deadly in his beauty, his dusky, purple skin blending into the evening shadows even as his brilliant silver hair shone like the moon. His beauty, though dangerous, was welcome and familiar and prevented Caleb from lingering too long on a handsome stranger outside the fair. The feeling of his resonance was also familiar, not strange and overwhelming as it got close to him. 

“Essek,” Caleb relaxed into a smile. He didn’t trust Essek, but he at least knew he was dangerous. Nott was another matter, he wanted to trust her and that was a new sort of terrifying. “I was thinking about you earlier today.”

“I know you were.” There was a flash of white teeth in the near-dark. “May I look at your hand?”

Where Caleb would need light to see very well, Essek was not constrained by such matters. He offered his injured hand to the elf and wasn’t even surprised anymore when he merely leaned forward to inspect it. He’d wordlessly granted permission to look but Essek hadn’t asked to touch it. 

“Goblins can be very dangerous,” Essek said. 

“I don’t believe she is actually a goblin,” Caleb answered. “Do you know anything about that Essek?” 

“That is a question I cannot answer for free, I am afraid. But I can take the pain of you hand, if you will let me.” Essek’s eyes were hard to see in the dim light, twin points of light purple that Caleb felt he could have fallen into if he allowed himself. It had been so tempting on many nights since they had met. 

“And what will that cost me?” Caleb asked. His voice was light but speaking in analogy and facetiousness with the Fair Folk often lead to misunderstandings and painful deaths. “I am teasing you my friend. You would not offer if it was not a matter between friends.” 

The pair of purple lights that were Essek’s eyes didn’t move from watching Caleb, but he couldn’t see the rest of his face in the darkness to guess what he was thinking. When Essek’s hands, warm and solid and soft against his rough skin, closed around his, Caleb couldn’t suppress a shiver or the cascade of goosebumps up his arms. 

“Caleb, you know that I want so much more from you,” Essek spoke in a soft, intimate volume that Caleb inadvertently leaned forward in order to be certain he didn’t miss any words. Essek was not a man to repeat himself with grace. “But this I would do for you. How can a wizard cast if he doesn’t have the use of his hands? Goblin bites are not clean.”

“Like a cat’s?” Caleb asked, trying to get his brain working. It was hard to think around Essek’s soft words and soft hands and the purple glow of his eyes studying him. 

“What?” Essek laughed the mystique about him briefly gone in seconds. 

“Cats.” Caleb repeated. “Their mouths carry bacteria that is very bad for birds you know. A cat bite can get infected quite easily.” It was harder to think all over again. That moment of something close to humanity made Caleb want to get so much closer to the elf currently sitting very close in a very small, confined space.

“Yes, I suppose goblins are a bit like cats in that way. Maybe you aren’t keeping strange company, Widogast, maybe you would get along with this goblin who was not always a goblin.” The elf gave his hand the smallest of squeezes. 

So Nott had not always been a goblin. Essek could not answer his question for free but he could give whatever information he wanted to for free when he was not answering a question. Caleb didn’t acknowledge this, to thank Essek would have indicated that Caleb was in his debt and he’d spent too much time staying out of the debt of the Fair Folk to give it up now. 

“Now, let me see to this hand.” 

One of Essek’s hands moved and hovered above Caleb’s. A pale, golden light built between their hands, warm and filling the space with the smell of honeysuckle and summer. The bite mark was even more red in the gold light than Caleb remembered it being, perhaps because he’d just been scrubbing at it with cheap, hotel vodka. Essek clicked his tongue in a reprimanding little noise and looked more closely. He breathed on the minor wound, his breath becoming more solid than it should have been, and winding around Caleb’s hand and wrist and up his arm. Caleb shivered again, but he kept his eyes on Essek rather than looking away. Someday, he would master the sort of magic that he used so effortlessly when every new spell and new trick took so much from Caleb.

“Thank you,” Caleb finally looked down at his hand. The location where the bite had been was still red but no longer an open wound. He could not guess if Essek had healed the wound or simply sped time in that specific location so that the injury healed itself. 

“Come back with me,” Essek said. Not that long ago he had been asking that in a demanding tone and been shocked when Caleb had not complied. 

“It’s not time,” Caleb answered. “This goblin girl, I think there is something about her.”

Essek made such a face that even in the low light Caleb could see it and he laughed softly. Without asking permission, Caleb reached out and ran the pads of his fingers along the soft plane of Essek’s cheek. The elf froze under his touch, those glowing, purple eyes drifting shut for a few seconds. 

“Don’t let her hurt you.” His voice was soft, low, and barely audible.

The bushes rustled and Caleb’s hand was now extended into thin air, his visitor already gone. He’d pulled it back against his torso so that the washcloth hid the healed mark by the time Nott arrived. She emerged from the brush with her arms full of discarded fast food she had probably stolen from a nearby alley where the dumpster for a restaurant would be. It wasn’t that old and Caleb was hungry enough after two skipped meals he didn’t even hesitate. 

“Thank you, Nott, this looks more than adequate for a human.” 

It was nice. It was far too easy to feel comfortable with Nott, to relax in the small space she had made into a home. The ease made Caleb not trust it; he couldn’t help but trust Nott, but he didn’t trust that it would change before he was ready. He would have to leave soon enough. He always had to leave and he was never ready.


	2. In Which Caleb and Nott Join the Circus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caleb and Nott join the circus, they also meet their new trailer-mate, Beauregard. Featuring the return of Mollymauk!

Trouble had a way of finding Caleb, and had ever since he’d chosen his own path. He supposed before that being part of the program had been its own type of trouble and bad luck. But without it, who would he be? 

“Caleb, Caleb, look at this button I found.” Nott was sitting in their nest across from him, hands cupping a silver button so that he could see it. 

“That is from my coat, Nott,” he pointed out. His tone was dry, hiding the faint amusement he felt seeing it in her hands and her genuine delight finding a button. “Thank you for finding it but I would like it back.” One of the few things of value he still had to himself, silver buttons that doubled as bargaining chips when he had no other solution but to deal with the Fair Folk.

“It’s so funny because that’s exactly where I found it,” Nott grinned at him, all sharp teeth and bright golden eyes.

In the daylight she was no less ugly than she had seemed in the dim lighting but after several days of sharing the close, confined space of the nest, Caleb found he didn’t mind. He hadn’t particularly minded before, other than when her jagged teeth had torn into his hand. But now it was familiar. He didn’t trust his situation anymore than he had before, but he couldn’t stop what he wanted. He wanted someone he could rely on. Essek was many things but reliable was not one of them. Bright, gold eyes as big as saucers were Nott’s best feature and, like a cat’s, they reflected the light and allowed her to see even in the dark. She was green, all over as far as Caleb had seen, with long ears which stuck out to a point, slightly pink at the ends.

“Nott, do you like cats? And I do not mean as a snack.” Caleb asked. He accepted the silver button and dropped it into the pocket of his coat. He had a small sewing kit in the bottom of his pack, lifted from a fancy hotel that had provided them for their guest’s convenience, but digging it out seemed too complicated at the moment. He had noticed Nott enjoyed alcohol in whatever form she could find it, he’d once caught her drinking rubbing alcohol. He didn’t really want her to know about the tiny bottles he had taken from the hotel for emergencies. Not yet. 

“What? I guess, they’re okay. Too hard to catch to make a meal out of usually.” Nott shrugged her skinny shoulders and turned those lamp-like eyes to him. 

“Would you like to meet mine? He is a bit unusual for a cat, but at least he is a cat right now.” His explanation made less sense than the cat itself did but Caleb didn’t have a way to know how Nott would respond to magic being worked right in front of her.

“What kind of cat isn’t a cat?” Nott looked interested though, leaning forward from where she was sitting. 

“Well, the kind that is sometimes a bird or a rabbit, but he likes being a cat best because that is what he is.” And Caleb snapped his fingers, summoning his cat from where he’d been residing in the place in between. It wasn’t really another plane, not a proper one. The long, slender shape of Frumpkin materialized, his brown and gold fur sparkling in the little bit of sun that made its way into the nest. He was a handsome cat and knew it and Caleb had a theory most of his charm had gone into him. “Nott, I would like you to meet Frumpkin. He is my good and loyal friend.”

Nott jumped slightly at the cat’s sudden appearance and the two of them sized one another up. 

“You’re sure we can’t eat it?” Nott asked, and Caleb couldn’t be sure how much of it was a joke. Surely some of it.

“No, we do not eat cats. Frumpkin is a friend and we do not eat friends, either,” Caleb explained. 

“Well you don’t eat friends,” Nott said, but then she smiled that toothy smile at Caleb and he didn’t have to decide if she was joking or not this time. She turned her attention to Frumpkin, her large eyes serious and interested as she offered a hand to the cat. 

Frumpkin’s whiskers flexed forward as he sniffed her hand, then back when he stepped forward to run his cheek against her long fingers. Goblin hands were mostly long, spindly fingers, appropriately like something out of a children’s nightmare. She was very delicate with hers, stroking Frumpkin’s fur carefully. 

“He? He is very soft.” She glanced up once to confirm pronouns, and then returned to looking at the cat while petting him. 

“Thank you. At least one of us is well groomed,” Caleb said. He meant it as a joke but even as he said it, it sounded serious. 

“Today is the last day of the carnival,” Nott announced. 

Caleb looked up from also watching Frumpkin. He hadn’t noticed the shift in Nott’s attention to him instead of the animal until she had changed the subject. “What of it?” 

“We should go. We could join the circus, no one asks questions about circus workers,” Nott said. “If nothing else, if something goes missing from people’s pockets at the carnival, we’re not going to take the blame, the carnival is.” 

“The fair is not the same thing as the circus. And going to the carnival is complicated,” Caleb said. 

“Complicated by what? I saw you talking to that handsome fellow the day we met. Do you know him?” Nott’s eyes narrowed. 

Caleb felt his cheeks grow warm and it was completely unnecessary to ask him that question. “No, of course not. But I believe that he is one of the Fair Folk. And you of all people should know to be careful around them. I do not know if anyone else in that fair is, but one of their festival barkers is.”

Nott had not yet been inclined to talk about her situation and how she was a goblin without actually being a goblin. She said it wasn’t important the few times Caleb had tried to get her to talk about it, and once had left abruptly to go get dinner at two in the afternoon rather than talk about it. So he’d let it drop, not wanting to lose her companionship. 

“Well I’d like to go. They’re going south from here,” she said. At a look from Caleb she continued, “I just happened to see their itinerary when I was looking around the other day.”

“What were you looking for when you came across this information?” Caleb asked. 

Nott shrugged. “I like things that are pretty.” Pretty was fairly subjective, Caleb wasn’t sure what to think of her favorite mermaid with the disco-mirror embedded tail. 

“I do not mind going but, why do you want to go south?”

“Because it’s not north, and it’s not as though you’re going anywhere in particular, are you?” Nott looked at him. There were times where her stature was deceiving that she was a child but her eyes were bright and intelligent. Nott was quick to use any misconception about her to her advantage. She had a shrewd look in her eyes, sizing Caleb up in a way that he hoped he would not be found lacking. Would Nott go without him if he did not want to go south with her? 

“Alright, let us go to the fair. But be careful around that man.” 

“He was very handsome.” 

“That has nothing to do with it,” Caleb spluttered. But his cheeks were still warm at the thought of the man in the brilliant coat, his red eyes and the warm vitality he seemed to emanate. “I worry about him because he’s fey.”

“Did you say he’s gay? Caleb there’s nothing wrong with being gay,” Nott said, pulling her large ears out of the collar of a large, oversized sweatshirt.

Caleb refrained from rolling his eyes. “No, I said he’s fey. He’s some sort of fairy or elf or, I don’t know. But I have not determined if he is safe for either of us to be around yet.”

“Well you’re not going to find out sitting here,” Nott said, bending into the tunnel entrance into the nest. 

Before leaving, Caleb checked the straps on his book holsters and grabbed his bag. Some of its contents he had since placed in the nest. There was no need to carry more than one clean towel at any given time. 

“You don’t need that unless we’re joining the carnival. Are we joining the carnival?” 

“Nein that is not the plan, Nott. I just feel more comfortable when I have it with me,” Caleb explained, emerging from their blackberry patch with his bag extended in front of him. It was good to stretch his legs and back, to see the sky and to breathe fresh air that wasn’t stale with old alcohol. 

“Wait here, because I need-” Whatever Nott needed, Caleb didn’t find out because she ran headfirst into the blackberry tunnel before he heard what she was going to get. There was no noticeable difference about Nott when she reemerged and Caleb didn’t ask what she had gone to fetch.. There had been no harm in idling in the weak autumn sun of the park while he waited for her. If it was something Nott felt like sharing, she would. Otherwise Caleb respected her privacy.

He wasn’t thrilled about the idea of walking several hours just to get back to the same part of town he’d been in the day before, but he didn’t see much of an alternative. He preferred to steal only when it was necessary and getting across town didn’t seem worth sneaking onto a bus. It would be for convenience rather than survival.

“Nott, how did you decide I did not belong? That was what you said, the day we met.” Caleb glanced down at her as he said this and reached over to pull a stray blackberry leaf from her hair without really thinking about it.

“I saw your books. You’re not one of them but I’ve never seen a human work magic until now,” she answered. “I thought maybe you would be able to save me.”

“Save you from what?” Caleb hadn’t meant to bring up Nott’s troubles. One of them. Did she mean the Fair Folk? “Are we walking the whole way there?”

“It’s not that far. You were walking in circles that day so it’s not too far if you want. Or we can get on a bus,” Nott offered.

“Let us walk. I am always the one caught by fare enforcement when I ride a bus without paying. Just lucky, I suppose.” Caleb’s voice was deadpan, he knew his luck was poor.

“It’s not fare evasion if we have these,” Nott said with the sort of dramatic flair and excitement that told Caleb she was just waiting for him to mention the bus. From somewhere within the depths of her sweatshirt, Nott produced a pair of bus passes. 

“Where did you get these?” Caleb asked. 

“Oh, I found them,” Nott answered. She had the same blase attitude she had displayed on “finding” the button right off his coat previously.

He supposed there was no simple way to return the passes to their rightful owners, at least Caleb told himself that. It was why he accepted, certainly not because even if there was a more direct path from here to there, he did not actually want to walk that far when he was honest with himself.

“Thank you, Nott. It was very good of you to pick these up rather than letting litter accumulate on the ground.” He took one of the offered passes and rubbed it between his index and thumb. It felt real enough, but then Nott was clever enough if she had made fake passes he would never be the one to know it.

“Always concerned about the environment,” she agreed, prim and pleased with herself.

Caleb was able to find a bus stop and, from there, get them headed in the right direction to get to the park that he remembered the carnival to be in. The hotel was still there, but there was no sign of the fair. Just an empty park and more empty beer bottles than seemed normal in the park.

“Are you sure this is the last day of the fair?” Caleb asked. He was secretly a little relieved, there was much less chance of running into the handsome stranger who had echoed in Caleb’s chest so loud. Relieved, but also strangely disappointed. 

“Looking for that reading?”

The playful brogue was enough to send a shiver down Caleb’s spine without even seeing the speaker. Beside him, Nott twisted to with a feral snarl to face the man behind them. From somewhere on her very small person, she pulled two large daggers, brandishing them and positioning herself between Caleb and the stranger.

“Woah now. You came looking for me, remember? No need for weapons to get involved.” the main said with a small laugh. He didn’t even sound nervous. Confused and entertained perhaps, but not nervous.

“We were looking for the fair,” Nott responded, but the snarl had left her voice. She did manage to, with inflection, make it clear that looking for the fair and looking for the fair worker were two very different matters. “It was supposed to be here today.”

Caleb could feel the man’s presence in his chest, in his bones and down to the ends of his fingers. There was no need to confirm who it was. He did turn, slow and deliberate in his movements and being sure he wasn’t holding a spell in his hands or on his tongue. He delayed, pushing back the moment he would get to see him. Quick smile, sharp teeth, bright tattoos and confidence that left Caleb unable to breathe for the first few seconds after laying eyes on him. The fair worker had a charisma and resonance that pulled on Caleb like gravity.

“Ah, yesterday was our last public day, but maybe an exception can be made,” the man flashed red eyes at Caleb but then smiled at Nott.

“We are not making any bargains today I am afraid,” Caleb said, speaking up before Nott could say anything. 

Those red eyes returned to Caleb, looking slightly confused. It was as though the man was looking at him properly for the first time, even though he had clearly remembered seeing him earlier.

“No, nothing of the sort. You’re welcome to come but it’s just private performances today,” he explained. It was hardly an explanation and Caleb glanced over his shoulder at the empty park to make sure the carnival was not just there and he’d missed it somehow. It also to give his brain a brief break from staring at the handsome man before him. 

“How? What did you do with the fair?” Nott asked.

Caleb brought his eyes back to the man. He wore a soft, pale shirt with tight cuffs up half his forearms and billowing sleeves up to the shoulders. The front was cut deep enough that Caleb found he could admire the defined shape of chest muscles but also to see the multitude of sharp, straight scars across his skin. His initial assessment that this man was one of the Fair Folk didn’t change, but he wasn’t sure what to make of these marks. 

“Caleb. Caleb, are you coming?” Nott asked.

Caleb’s attention snapped to her and he found that both of them were looking at him expectantly. “I am sorry, my mind was elsewhere. Where are we going now?”

“To the carnival!” Nott reached up and took his hand in one of her own and turned him back to the park behind them. There was the shadow of the fair now, the illusion had been lifted just enough for the two of them that he could see the outlines of the tents. 

“Caleb this is Mr. Tealeaf,” Nott told him, gesturing at the man.

“Oh now, Mollymauk is fine. In fact don’t expect me to respond to Mr. Tealeaf with much other than a glare or a thrown dagger,” Mollymauk grinned at them and it was hard to tell which part of the statement was a joke. 

“Mollymauk this is Caleb,” Nott introduced him without hesitation. He didn’t think it was malice on her part but he was glad his given name was not his own. Nott didn’t know the Fair Folk, but she bore the markings of someone who had gone astray with them.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Caleb.” The way Mollymauk pronounced his name left Caleb wanting more. 

He managed to make himself smile and felt pretty certain it actually looked like he was going to be sick. “Yes I am certain I feel the same. You are part of this circus, ja?”

“Ja, I am. I’ll show you around.” Mollymauk smiled at him, apparently unperturbed by whatever ghastly sort of smile Caleb had produced. 

The carnival wasn’t that large, Caleb had misjudged the footprint of the tents. Or, just as likely, half of them had already been packed up for travel if today truly was the last day of the fair. Once they’d crossed the line that had been disguising the fairgrounds as either invisible or shadows, the fair blossomed with color again, as vibrant and enticing as it had been the first day Caleb had seen it. The fair was built to draw people in and that was why Caleb didn’t trust it.

Standing by the first tent was a tall, imposing woman with massive arms crossed over her chest. She was easily at least a foot taller than him, very pale and with hair that changed from back to grey as it fell in braids down her back. Caleb wasn’t sure if she was frowning at him but Mollymauk waved cheerfully and she turned her frown at the rest of the world. 

“I suppose this is your last chance for that free card reading, if you’d like,” Mollymauk offered. 

“Oh if it’s free Caleb you should definitely take it,” Nott chimed in.

Caleb tried to think of a way to say now without the risk of offending Mollymauk. But Nott was grinning up at him with such excitement, she was making it hard to think of something that would also not let her down. 

“Ja, well, if you like, I would not stop you.” Caleb leaned down and picked up Frumpkin where he’d been winding around his ankles, cradling him against his chest. He felt a little better with his arms wrapped around the sleek warmth of the cat. Frumpkin made an excellent solid, fuzzy barrier between himself and Mollymauk. 

Mollymauk smiled at him and it was quite different than the previous smiles. Before, he had been the carnival barker; he’d been selling something to Caleb or trying to get him into the fair. When he smiled at him now, there was actual warmth there and it touched those solid, red eyes and lit them up. “Not so bad, see? Who is your friend here?” He offered a hand to the cat without even reaching for his cards. 

Frumpkin braced his front paws against Caleb’s shoulder and leaned to sniff the offered hand. He rubbed his hand up into Mollymauk’s hand, rumbling a purr that Caleb could hear plainly. Mollymauk smiled again and rubbed the cat’s ears and cheeks, attention on the familiar. 

“Traitor,” Caleb murmured against Frumpkin’s neck when Mollymauk stopped rubbing his cheeks and he returned to leaning against Caleb. His voice was quiet, not meant to actually carry to anyone else, but Nott flicked one of her bat-like ears at him without saying anything. 

“Now, about that card.” Mollymauk pulled a large, well-worn deck of cards from one of the pockets of his brilliantly colored coat. He shuffled them through his hands and offered the deck to Caleb. “Cut the deck?”

Caleb adjusted how he was holding Frumpkin so that he had a free hand and cut the deck somewhere close to the middle. It wouldn’t really matter, he felt confident that Mollymauk had already picked a card for him and it would turn up no matter what he wanted. The ends of his fingers just brushed against the palm of Mollymauk’s hand, they were warm and he wondered what the man did when he wasn’t tricking tourists into paying for bogus card readings.

Mollymauk flipped the new top card and showed it to Caleb without even looking at it. “Your card, Caleb.”

“You are a funny man, Mr. Tealeaf,” Caleb didn’t have much humor in his voice. 

“What?” Mollymauk sounded surprised. He turned the card over to look what Caleb had seen and dark eyebrows rose on seeing The Lovers. “That’s not- that wasn’t your card.”

“I am sure. It’s good to see they have clowns in this circus,” Caleb looked away from Mollymauk, embarrassed that a stranger was making fun of him but not willing to reveal it. He directed his eyes to the cat in his arms, finding him a convenient distraction so that he did not have to look at Mollymauk. 

Nott laughed, clearly not realizing Caleb felt humiliated, but the sound was enough to break the tension between them. Mollymauk was watching Caleb with eyes he couldn’t read in the quick glance he risked. Caleb joined Nott, aware that perhaps it wasn’t kind but neither was the card Mollymauk had chosen. 

“Can I get a card reading for free too?” Nott asked, bright eyed and eager. 

“I don’t usually do readings unless I’ve offered them, but in this case I can make an exception.” Mollymauk had recovered, back to smiling when he wasn’t looking directly at Caleb. He shuffled the cards again and knelt down so that he could offer the cards to Nott. “Cut the deck?”

The goblin cut the deck much further down than Caleb had, almost to the bottom and then waited expectantly to see what she was going to get. 

“The Empress,” Mollymauk announced after flipping the card first for Nott’s viewing and then turned it so that he could see. “Something tells me you’re quite maternal though you do your best not to show it. Maybe you enjoy the luxuries of life, or you would if you could.”

“Caleb he’s right,” Nott whispered up at him. 

“Of course he is, Nott. He knows how to read his audience,” Caleb answered. But he did his best to hide the barest hint of a smile behind the shape of Frumpkin.

“The cards don’t lie, the cold read is in the interpretation of the cards to suit the recipient. What brings you to the fair, friends?” Mollymauk shuffled the cards again and put them back into one of the pockets of his coat. 

“We’ve come to join the circus!” Nott declared.

“Have you now,” Mollymauk replied, looking amused. “Why do you want to join the circus?”

It was hard to be certain where those red eyes were looking without a pupil, but Caleb felt certain the man had looked at him for a moment.

“The adventure!” Nott exclaimed. “And so that we have a purpose to wandering instead of being aimless.”

“You’ll find a lot of aimlessness here I am afraid. Come, you should talk to Gustav if you want to be one of us. He’ll want to know what you can offer the carnival before he will sign you on.”

Caleb felt a real stab of panic in his stomach, he had nothing to offer anyone, let alone a carnival with someone who had the sort of draw Mollymauk did. Even if Nott was not a performer, she had her own set of skills that would make her a welcome addition to a traveling band such as this. And then Caleb would be alone again. He’d known better than to trust a feeling of security and comfort, known it would leave him. Yet here he was, devastated in the face of it and as always, powerless to stop it.

“Come on, Caleb.” Nott reached up and took his hand in one of her own. “I hope they’ll take me, but if they don’t, can I hide in your bag?” She asked this in a quiet voice, not meant to carry to Mollymauk.

Nott’s quiet certainty broke through something in Caleb’s chest that had been preventing him from breathing properly. The sudden rush of air left him feeling light headed. “Thank you, Nott.” He bent to set Frumpkin down at his feet, stroking the fur on his back.

“What did I do?”

Caleb gave her hand a quick squeeze. “Nothing. Do not worry yourself about it.”

She watched him a moment longer as they walked along the park path that the carnival had been built around. Up close the carnival was a bit less magical than it had appeared at a distance. The tents, bright and colorful from across the street, were patched and worn and marked from travel. It was reassuring to Caleb that the fair looked as tired as he felt. It made the whole thing seem more real, less enchanted. Less likely to disappear as soon as he touched it and more painful when he did inevitably lose it.

Gustav wasn’t found in a tent or a trailer, but directing a team who were in the process of disassembling the main tent. He was a lean man with wavy brown hair nearly down his back. Though he wore the long coat and tails that suited a showman, there wasn’t a top-hat to be seen.

“Wait here a moment, if you don’t mind,” Mollymauk said with a smile. “I’ll put in a good word.”

“Do you think he will actually put in a good word?” Nott asked. “Moving a lot seemed to be what you were doing before so I thought moving with people might be better.”

Caleb was watching Mollymauk and the man he’d called Gustav, wondering the same things. “I don’t know if he would lie to us after bringing us back here. Wouldn't he just tell us they weren’t interested in new performers if he didn’t want to invite us to join?”

“Unless they’re planning to rob and murder us and use our bodies for their twisted stage performances,” Nott suggested.

“How much have you had to drink?” Caleb asked.

“Just enough,” was Nott’s prim reply.

He laughed, soft and only for Nott to appreciate. When Caleb looked up, Mollymauk was looking their direction while he spoke to Gustav. The lingering smile on Caleb’s lips remained as their eyes met across the short distance and he wasn’t sure what Mollymauk’s expression meant. It looked… soft. Caleb remembered he’d been smiling and smoothed his face to what he hoped was a more neutral expression.

After a short conversation, Gustav walked over to Caleb and Nott with Mollymauk trailing in his wake. There was no second echo, Gustav was human and the only fey creature Caleb could feel was Mollymauk.

“So, Tealeaf tells me you two are looking to join. You got an act?” Gustav sized them both up as he spoke. He seemed friendly enough but it was hard to tell how much of that was an act and part of his festival persona. 

“Oh, ja,” Caleb said. He caught Mollymauk’s eye by accident while speaking in absolute deadpan. “I am very funny.”

Gustav lifted his eyebrows, looking skeptical.

Nott nodded, always willing to go along. “Caleb is hilarious.”

“I am teasing you, Mister Gustav. My actual act is breathing fire,” Caleb continued. He didn’t add much inflection to his voice, but he had at least managed to maintain eye contact with Gustav this time. 

“Interesting. Haven’t had a fire act since the last one immolated himself and half the tent. Not prone to pyromania are you? Any objection to a quick demonstration?” Gustav’s interest was piqued, looking Caleb over again with renewed energy.

“Only a minor bit. And of course I can demonstrate,” Caleb said. “But perhaps it would be best to step away from your tent, ja?” 

Gustav barked a laugh. “All my tents are treated in the best flame retardant, y’only have to burn the circus down once to learn that lesson. But I appreciate a considerate man. A fire eater with caution, well I’ll be. Follow me.”

Caleb felt certain that he could still light the large tent on fire given the chance. Given enough effort anything could burn. He was glad when Gustav lead them all several feet away to a space that appeared to be recently vacated by a tent.

“Please step back,” Caleb instructed, waving for Nott to move back with the others. Frumpkin, heeding his internal instructions, followed on Nott’s heels.

He waited, for dramatic effect, until all of them were what he seemed to be a safe distance away. Caleb knew most fire breathers didn’t use magic to aid their act and doing so would likely alert Mollymauk to the fact he was a wizard. But self destruction was another of his specialties. Caleb placed once finger to his lower lip and breathed a narrow curl of smoke up and into the air. It hovered a moment before a breeze swept it away. When he breathed again, looking up at the sky instead of his spectators, flame shot up. He could feel the heat against his skin and swept a hand through the spout of flame to shape it into a sinuous dragon. Caleb’s eyes locked onto the flames, caught in it and unable to pull away until they died on their own. 

The air was just starting to cool down when Gustav started clapping, echoed by Nott beside him. “Most unusual technique! What did you say his name was. Caleb? Caleb, I haven’t got a place to sleep for you, unless you want to share, but I’m sure we can find a spot for talent like that. And you?” He’d turned to Nott, giving her a fresh appraisal.

Caleb coughed and waved the last of the smoke away. When he spoke, his voice had a crack in it. “She is with me. We are a package deal, ja? And she makes sure the only sticky fingers in your carnival are the ones you approve of.” 

Gustav considered Nott and then looked at Caleb, his expression shrewd. Perhaps on the surface he seemed to be scattered and jovial but the look Gustav gave them both was quite intelligent. 

“Tealeaf.”

“Yes, boss?” Mollymauk stepped forward.

“Get them settled, introduce them to Yasha so she knows not to crush their skulls. Maybe put them in with the other new kid. Then you know where all the greenhorns are to show them the ropes.” Gustav shook their hands before returning to the tent he’d been supervising when they had arrived. 

“Sure, boss. Welcome to the family, Caleb. Welcome to the family, Nott. Let me show you around,” Mollymauk jerked his head. “And let me introduce you to your new roommate.”

Caleb and Nott exchanged looks, they hadn’t been intending on signing up for a roommate. 

“Who is Yasha and why would she crush our skulls?” Nott asked.

“Oh, well you saw her when we walked in. She’s muscle around the fair, once she knows you’re family she’ll watch out for you, too,” Mollymauk explained. 

He was leading them back through the park, pointing out a few key tents. Nott paid particular attention to what the mess tent looked like. Like the rest of the carnival it was in the process of packing up and returning to the trailer it would be until the whole thing settled in another city or outside a smaller town. 

“Does anyone like to read? Books, that is.” Caleb asked, not particularly hopeful he would get the answer he wanted. 

“Not really. I can ask around if you want but I think it’s mostly novels and those change pretty regularly. Books are a bit heavy to be transporting as much as we travel. Are you a big reader, Mr. Caleb?” Mollymauk asked, looking over his shoulder at him. 

“Yes. I am very fond of books,” Caleb answered. He flushed on being called Mr. Caleb by Mollymauk, a very different reaction than when Nott had said the same thing. “You do not have to- mister is not necessary, Mollymauk.” 

“Alright, Caleb.” 

It was no better when he used his given name and Caleb just found it easier to look away while his ears turned pink. “Much- yes. Thank you.”

“You can call me Lady Nott, if you want.”

“Yes, milady,” Mollymauk made a show of bowing to her and Nott laughed. 

“There she is. Yasha, come meet our newest members of the family. Yasha, this is Caleb, don’t call him mister. And this is Nott, she’s a lady,” Mollymauk introduced them. 

Caleb stammered, trying to find words and just instead grimacing in place of a smile at her. Nott peeked out from behind his legs to peer up at Yasha, so much shorter than her that it was almost laughable. 

“Hello.” Yasha’s voice was much softer than Caleb had expected. Now that he was meeting her eyes, one violet and the other blue, he found she looked shy in equal parts as she did intimidating. 

“You’re very tall,” Nott said by way of introduction. 

“And you’re very short,” she observed. 

“Let me know when it starts raining, I’ll have time to take cover,” the little goblin girl responded. 

There was a pause while the terrible joke sank in and Caleb wasn’t sure if he should apologize or not. Then Yasha laughed and the sound was welcome. Her laughter was as warm as her voice and uncontrolled as she doubled over. It was infectious, Nott joined her laughter as well as Mollymauk and then even Caleb found himself caught up in the laughter. 

“That- that is the stupidest joke I have ever heard,” Yasha gasped between bouts of laughter. “It’s not even funny.” 

This made Mollymauk laugh all over again and it was some time until they were recovered. 

“I like these ones, Molly. I’m glad they’re coming with us,” Yasha said finally, wiping her eyes with one hand. 

Mollymauk glanced at them and nodded. “I think they’re good.”

“Did Gustav mean it when he said you might need to break our heads? Are there rules we need to follow to be a part of this, er, family?” Caleb had recovered from laughing and felt a little embarrassed to have let his guard down so soon around these strangers. 

“I only break heads that need breaking,” Yasha assured him. She didn’t wear anything over her arms and her biceps were easily the same size as Caleb’s thighs. It wouldn’t take a lot of effort on her part if she did take it into her head to break his skull. 

“Yes, rules. First of all, forget what you think you know about the circus or carnies. It’s probably, at best, offensive and stereotypical. Second, you’re family now and family comes first. We don’t get to choose our blood relations but you can choose your family. Welcome to the family. Anyone else is not family and you have to remember that they think they know all the same things you thought you knew before I told you to forget it. You follow me so far?” Mollymauk had his hands in his coat, rocking on his heels as he spoke. 

“No,” Nott said, but she sounded amused. “But Caleb is my family, so, I guess it’s not that hard to understand.”

Caleb gave a little start at these words, eyes turning to the little goblin girl at his side. They’d known one another for a week and he was as fond of her as he was of anyone but family? The idea was terrifying, particularly because it left a warmth in his heart that he didn’t want to lose.

“Caleb mentioned you’ve got some fast hands. You don’t steal from family, does that part make sense? The people out there, they’re going to assume you’ve stolen from them. And, when you do, make sure they’re not going to catch you and bring trouble to the family,” he continued. 

“Sounds like the mob.”

“The mob wishes they had the sort of loyalty we do. But we almost never ask you to help hide bodies, so that’s a plus.” Mollymauk sounded like he was joking. 

“You said we were sharing a trailer with someone?” Caleb asked.

“Yeah, come with me. We don’t usually have this many people eager to get out of town and join us but, fortunately for you, one of our old performers just retired to raise some kids.” With a little bow to Yasha as farewell, Mollymauk lead them away.

He brought them to a side of the fair where several trailers were set up. Some of them were clearly just for transporting tents and equipment but several looked more like small homes on wheels. Most of them had faded advertisements for their occupants, and Nott lingered behind Caleb and Mollymauk, peering up at the marquees. 

“Caleb,” Mollymauk slowed down so they were walking side by side. 

“Yes, Mr. Tealeaf,” Caleb answered. 

“Molly’s fine, I thought we were on a first name basis,” he responded. There was merriment in his voice and Caleb rather liked how his eyes crinkled at the edges when he smiled like that. “This is going to seem a strange question I suppose. But, have we met before?”

Caleb’s heart stuttered in his chest, suddenly aware that Nott was not in their range of hearing and he was alone with this handsome man who echoed in his chest like it was a cathedral. “I do not believe so, I would have remembered someone- someone like you.”

Those red eyes stared into Caleb and he felt that the man could see right into his heart and right into his thoughts. He wouldn’t have been the first of the Fair Folk to give him that impression but it was still unsettling.

“Huh. I guess you would.” And there was something about his inflection that gave Caleb pause, that made him suspect there was something else beneath the words.

“Let me see your hands, Molly.” Caleb came to a stop, holding his own hands out. 

Mollymauk paused before taking a step toward him. “Are you reading fortunes now? I said there’s no stealing, don’t be taking my tricks now.” 

Caleb snorted a laugh. “Just let me see your hands, I will not be stealing anything.” 

There was no more hesitation and Mollymauk placed his hands face up on Caleb’s. Of course he was warm, Caleb had gathered as much from the few glancing touches they’d had, but he still wasn’t really prepared for just how warm his hands would be against his. Mollymauk had the rough calluses of a working man and Caleb ran his fingers along the calluses up to the long cuffs of Mollymauk’s shirt. He glanced up through his hair and eyelashes, wordlessly asking for permission before touching the buttons. Intrigued, Mollymauk nodded, also not speaking. If they broke the silence the spell would also brake and Caleb didn’t think he would ever have the courage to do this another time. He unbuttoned Mollymauk’s cuffs, rolling his sleeve up and out of the way to expose his forearm. 

Mollymauk’s forearm was covered in shallow scars, neat and straight as a pin. It was just like his chest and Caleb glanced up to confirm the similarity between the two. That was interesting but perhaps something to be considered for study later. Caleb traced some of the scars, seeking specific locations on his arm to confirm there was nothing deeper, nothing that would match Caleb’s own scars.

“What are you doing?” Nott’s appearance was sudden and loud and made both Mollymauk and Caleb jump and jerk their hands back as though they had been caught in the middle of something far more illicit than comparing forearms. 

“Nothing,” Caleb answered a little too fast. 

Large, golden eyes looked skeptical at this fast reply but Nott didn’t ask any further questions. A glance out of the corner of his eyes confirmed that Mollymauk was buttoning his sleeve back up but Caleb couldn’t bring himself to meet the man’s eyes. He would likely have to explain himself someday and he hoped Mollymauk would just forget about it. 

“Come on, your trailer is just up this way.”

There were a few trailers without ads on their sides and this one looked recently painted a dark blue. Mollymauk rapped sharply on the door and stepped out of the way. Something on the interior of the trailer rustled and then the door swung open hard enough to bang against the side of the trailer. 

Caleb didn’t feel a resonance as the person inside the trailer emerged and felt it was safe to assume that she was human. She had dark, olive skin and her brown hair shaved up the sides in an undercut with a knot at the back. She didn’t wear sleeves, just a cropped top that exposed lean muscle and toned arms and she glared down her nose at them. 

“What.” It was barked more like a statement than a question.

“Ah yes. Beauregard, I’ve taken the liberty of finding someone to fill the empty bunks in your trailer,” Mollymauk said with the cheerfulness of someone who knew they were delivering unwelcome news. “I’d like you to meet Caleb and Nott.”

“Great.” Beauregard had heavy lidded eyes and didn’t look particularly impressed by either of them. In fact, she came across as bordering on aggressive. “Well don’t fucking wait to be invited in.” And she disappeared back into the trailer.

“Oh she’s spicy. I like her,” Nott said and clambered up the short, folding steps into the trailer. 

Caleb realized he’d been left alone with Mollymauk again and avoided eye contact until he could climb into the trailer behind Nott.


	3. A Dead Man's Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caleb has a panic attack and Mollymauk helps to talk him down. They are interrupted when Essek arrives and reveals that Molly is not all that he appears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's THINGS happening in this chapter. Ooo wee ooo. I think this was the point I was finally done introducing shit and got my plot out there. 
> 
> Pew pew finger guns and laser noises. Enjoy!

The interior of the trailer wasn’t particularly promising when Caleb followed Nott and Beauregard in. It smelled. Caleb didn’t have a lot of experience with women, but it smelled like what he imagined a men’s locker room smelled like. Weights were strewn on the floor as though they’d interrupted her working out. Maybe they had. 

“So this is me, this side of the trailer,” Beauregard was indicating the larger two-thirds of the trailer. She put minimal effort into moving her things from where they were strewn over the two smaller bunks. “Beau is fine, only my family calls me Beauregard.”

“I like what you’ve done with this trailer, Beau,” Nott said. “But Caleb here needs space to study, so we’ll need to divide the trailer here.” She moved to the center, indicating where to split the trailer. “Or we can just share, except for the beds.” 

Beauregard had clearly taken the side of the trailer she preferred, where there was a bed just barely wide enough for a second body. Her personal belongings, clothing and the like, were neatly stowed away in the built-in drawers beneath the bunk. What was scattered across the trailer was weights, a big red ball, and several towels that he didn’t want to know how much sweat was on them. 

“Fine. We share this space but my shit stays,” Beauregard gestured at the larger weights in the center of the small space. 

“As long as you don’t mind if it gets moved, by all means.” Nott held her ground and Caleb was worried an actual fight was going to break out.

“I do not mind taking the smaller half,” Caleb said. If they were really staying he would have said anything to keep his now two roommates from drawing battle lines on a full war. They both turned to glare at him and Caleb shrank back. “Sorry. Do continue.” 

While Nott and Beauregard talked, Caleb sat on the lower bunk of the two beds set into the wall. The mattress had seen better days but the sheets were clean. He didn’t dare to actually touch them, given his lack of bath for several days. 

“Beauregard,” Caleb spoke, realizing as he did he was interrupting them again. “Pardon me. Is there a place to bathe in the camp?”

“Thank fuck. I thought maybe you were maybe into having the hobo stank, and I’m really glad you’re not because that was going to be an issue really damn fast. There’s a spigot with a curtain around it that way,” Beauregard gestured vaguely toward the door from where she was speaking with Nott.

“Thank you Beauregard,” Caleb kept his bag with him and moved carefully around the edge of the trailer to give them space to talk. 

Would Mollymauk still be outside? If Caleb had to guess, his luck would have the man out there. Either waiting for him or just idling with no where better to go. And of course he would have questions for Caleb. Behind him, Beauregard and Nott were talking about the space and how if Caleb wasn’t going to smell like a fungal pustule- he didn’t wait to find out any of her other thoughts about him and if she was going to be able to share the space or not. 

No one. The area immediately in front of the trailer was vacant and Caleb breathed a sigh of relief. He’d been so alone for so long that the constant presence of others was distracting at best. One look over his shoulder and he reminded himself if wasn’t a bad thing to have people that cared about him. That were family even. He could enjoy it while it lasted. Surely. Beauregard didn’t seem to be one of the Fair Folk, he wondered how she would feel about putting iron around the entryway. Was it worth it for the length of time he would get to call the trailer home? Nott’s nest was already a former home now, they would not be going back. 

The vague gesture that Beauregard had given as directions were enough for Caleb to find the curtain hanging around a muddy patch of ground where the spigot must be. It didn’t seem like a lot of protection, now that he was considering becoming very vulnerable. No, maybe he would just wipe down and hope for an actual shower in the next location they stopped. 

“It’s not going to be any better for at least a week.” The speaker was a very short woman covered in intricate and beautiful tattoos. They were not as colorful as Mollymauk’s and covered her face and arms in whirls of feathers. “Gustav likes to make sure we’re new and interesting and folks from the next town over didn’t travel to see us already. You’re Caleb, right? The new guy.”

“That is me, the new guy. Is it secure? What does the caravan do for water while we travel?” he asked. 

“Your trailer’s got a tank and a spigot outside but it draws from the tank. There’s a big tank in that trailer over there, but it’s for the animals as well as cooking. You sound new to the road. Want me to keep a lookout while you scrub?”

“Oh no that is not- I am sorry I did not ask your name.” She seemed human enough but Caleb was starting to second guess his instincts, his initial impression of Mollymauk. Perhaps he had been wrong about the feeling of resonance, even though thinking about it made his fingers tingle with the memory of the sensation. 

“Kaylee. Musician mostly, I do an act for the fair. You should come by and see it sometime, fire-man,” she grinned at him and continued on her way.

Would everyone know everything about him here? Hardly likely, even Caleb didn’t know everything about himself. But he would have to be careful about what he said to any of the members of this new family if word traveled that fast. But then again, he was a new curiosity and perhaps that was why he was a subject on several lips. It certainly wasn’t actual interest in him, Caleb knew from historical evidence he wasn’t worth the time and effort. 

He set his bag on a bench near the curtain and found the pilfered hotel soaps inside. While he hesitated to remove his coat, Caleb was listening for the barest indication of a footfall. His flight response was keyed and more than ready to abandon this endeavor at the shadow of an interruption. Caleb shrugged out of the coat and took his time to fold it before setting that on the wooden bench as well. 

Without his coat, Caleb felt exposed and a little flare of panic in his stomach made him dizzy. This wasn’t going to work at all. Caleb snatched at the coat and pulled it back on, pink in the face and sweating. How was he supposed to stay here with so many people, so many strangers? Caleb grabbed his bag and his stupid soaps and walked off, away from the trailers and toward the edge of the park. He didn’t leave the park, finding the exact place that the shimmering line disguising the camp lay and folding up with his back against a tree there. 

The ground was cold, even though his coat, but it did stop the feeling of overheating. He should tell Nott he didn’t want to do this. There was a lot of things they should discuss, joining the circus should have been something to talk about before just doing it. He should have asked about what had happened to her, why she didn’t want to go north. Why she needed Caleb to save her. How was he supposed to save her when he was barely capable of taking a shower.

“Hey.” 

The last person Caleb wanted to talk to was the first person to find him. He’d felt Mollymauk approaching and avoided looking directly at him. Those boots stopped just before him and Caleb let his eyes linger on the laces and how tight they were around his ankles. 

“I’m fine,” Caleb answered automatically. Mollymauk hadn’t even had the chance to ask a question.

The boots shifted slightly and then moved and Mollymauk was sitting against the same tree as him. They were close enough Caleb could have leaned to press their shoulders together but not so close they were already touching. He didn’t say anything though, just sitting, and Caleb could see one boot sticking out without even moving his eyes. 

“Why did you come looking for me?” Caleb asked. He should just enjoy the silence but he couldn’t. His heart was beating so hard in his chest just sitting this close to Mollymauk. 

“Well Gustav sort of put me in charge of the new kids and you weren’t at the trailer anymore,” Mollymauk explained. “Not that you’re hard to find.”

“What do you mean?” Caleb turned his head finally, looking in Mollymauk’s direction.

“Well, that’s hard to explain,” he answered. There was a pause and Caleb let him gather his words. In profile, Mollymauk was undeniably handsome, his nose a little crooked from where it perhaps had been broken before and his long lashes just brushing his cheeks when he blinked. “It’s a weird sensation when you’re close by. I noticed it that first day when I offered you a reading. I really didn’t- your card wasn’t the Lovers before. It wasn’t supposed to be.”

Caleb remained quiet and nodded. He wanted to believe him; so it was easier to accept his words at face value and be alert in case he was lying. He was just too exhausted to keep his guard up all the time. He just wanted to sleep. “What do you mean by weird sensation?”

“Now that’s a hard one to explain, Caleb.” Mollymauk used his name with such ease even after such a short time knowing one another. “It’s like standing in the center of a pipe organ.” 

It was such a perfect description of the first time Caleb had felt the echo of a fey creature that he smiled despite himself. “Like being the clapper of a church bell?”

“Can you feel it?” Mollymauk turned to Caleb with such intensity in those red eyes that if Caleb had thought he was lying, it would have convinced him to believe. “What is it? What… what am I?” 

“What?” It was such an absurd question for him to ask that Caleb didn’t know how to respond at first. 

“My history goes as far back as when I joined the fair a year ago, almost exactly. I haven’t felt something like this before and I thought maybe, maybe it was something from before that. But if you knew me before, you look half terrified when you look at me so I couldn’t have been particularly good, could I?” Mollymauk was talking fast and low and reached for Caleb’s hands without asking. “I have no memory of what or who I was before they found me.”

“Nein, nein, it is not that I knew you, Molly,” the nickname rolled off his tongue so easily. “It is that I can feel this same thing, this echo between us. We have never met.”

“Then what is it? Why does it make you scared of me and why does it have me following you into the woods?” Mollymauk’s voice was so plaintive it broke Caleb’s heart. 

Rather than answer immediately, Caleb laced his fingers into Mollymauk’s and shifted so he was facing him rather than having his back against the tree. “There are a lot of things I would wish to forget about my past, so perhaps I envy you that Molly.”

“Don’t. Don’t do that. Your past makes you who you are and I’ve had to invent whole cloth who that is. The fair. They’re good people, and I’m lucky I was found by good people. Otherwise I might have ended up not so good. But I like who I have chosen to be,” Mollymauk responded. 

“I can’t vouch for that, that I am good, but I will take your word for it.” Caleb looked at their fingers, woven together, the bright tattoos on the backs of Mollymauk’s hands and the dirty wraps around his wrists and hands. “What do you know about the Fair Folk? Ones from the Wild? Where did you get these scars from?”

“Not much, just that they’re dangerous. And mostly the scars are from me,” Mollymauk said. He didn’t pull his hand away but turned his and Caleb’s hand slightly to look at his forearm, covered as it was in his shirt and coat. “I have powers but they’re sort of a curse.” 

Caleb sighed and gave Mollymauk’s hand a squeeze. “I do not know who you are now or then, but power is not a curse. How it is used it what makes someone good or bad, ja? And, as you say, you have been found by good people so you have used that power for good things rather than bad, ja?”

“Ja.”

Mollymauk playfully mimicking Caleb’s accent made him laugh, the sound sharp in the cooling evening air.

“Oh, I like that,” Mollymauk said, his red eyes intense in the way he was looking at Caleb.

“What is that?” Caleb asked, not sure what he meant.

“When you forget to hide yourself and laugh like that,” he answered. “I like seeing who you are.”

The answer took Caleb by surprise and he blinked rapidly. As intelligent as Caleb was, he needed a moment to process Mollymauk’s words. He couldn’t really stop the shy sort of smile, no one would be able to help but smile when someone like Mollymauk complimented their laughter. His cheeks felt hot and he looked down at their hands, suddenly unable to meet Mollymauk’s eyes.

“What?” 

“There is nothing particularly- it is not really worth knowing who I am,” Caleb answered. 

He started to pull his hands free and Mollymauk tightened his grip just enough to slow him down and catch his attention again.

“That’s not true,” Mollymauk said.

“It is true. You have chosen to be something good with this new life you have, while I am-” Caleb paused, pulling his hands free in a swift motion. Mollymauk hadn’t actually caught hold of his hands so tightly that he could not pull them free. “I do not want you to see me as I am. That is not a good person.”

This time the quiet between them felt tense and Caleb was tempted to just leave before Mollymauk started to reassure him he was the opposite of what he knew himself to be. Mollymauk was at least partial fey, even if he didn’t know it. He was drawn to Caleb for the same reasons Essek was. He drew his hands close, gripping his forearms hard enough to hurt.

“May I me see your hands?” Mollymauk asked. 

His voice was soft rather than demanding or teasing, it would have been possible for Caleb to ignore him or refuse. Caleb risked a glance up and was caught in those red eyes. After a moment’s hesitation, Caleb offered his hands, palm up, to Mollymauk. 

“Do you read palms as well as cards, Mollymauk?” Caleb asked, unable to keep a bit of teasing from his tone. 

“You can tell a lot about a man by his hands,” Mollymauk answered, sounding perfectly serious for all that he his eyes were almost playful, responding to Caleb’s teasing. “Are you left handed or right?”

“Both.”

He started with Caleb’s right hand, cupping it in his left so loose that Caleb could have pulled it back any moment. His right stroked a single, callused fingertip along the major lines of his palm as though reading the lines like words. 

“Anything interesting?” Caleb asked, barely able to keep his hand from twitching. Mollymauk’s fingers were distractingly pleasant against his palm but tickled as well. 

“Shh, don’t interrupt,” Mollymauk responded. He sounded strict but he looked more mischievous than anything else. 

“Yes, sir,” Caleb said with soft laughter in his voice. 

He watched his hands as Mollymauk moved from his right to his left, repeating the process. Unlike Caleb, he kept his curiosity restricted to Caleb’s hands, not even trying to move the bandages wrapped around Caleb’s forearms. 

“No, I’m not really seeing it,” Mollymauk concluded.

“What?”

“The evil villain line, I’m just not seeing it on either of your hands,” Mollymauk answered. He looked up from Caleb’s hand with a grin that made him look like a proper scoundrel.

Caleb found himself laughing again but he didn’t pull his hands back. Looking quite pleased with himself, Mollymauk’s infectious grin making him warm from the inside. Another silence settled between them but it was comfortable once again. Pleasant even.

“Tell me Caleb,” Mollymauk grabbed his attention as soon as he started to speak. “What is it that drove you to the very edge of camp? You remind me of a spooked deer.”

It was hard to figure out how to admit he’d felt exposed trying to shower in the middle of the unfamiliar camp and Caleb felt his cheeks getting warm while he considered his words. Mollymauk was waiting, quiet and patient, fingers still lightly holding Caleb’s hands as they sat there on the ground. 

“I’ve become accustomed to having a lot less people around,” he started. It was part of it, Mollymauk had talked about something quite personal and it didn’t feel fair not to reciprocate on some level. “Beauregard has made it quite clear that she agrees I am in need of a bath.”

Mollymauk smiled encouragement and gave his hands a squeeze. “She is rather direct, isn’t she? It’s not so bad, I’ve been much worse than you. But, if you’re not used to it and surrounded by strangers-”

“Not strangers, family, ja?”

“Ja,” Mollymauk had such a delighted smile that Caleb could have died happy knowing he’d put it there. “But they are still family that you do not know yet. How would you get naked with nothing but a curtain to protect you?”

Caleb was a little ashamed that he was so easy to read, but he nodded. 

“That’s simple enough to solve. I’ve the tiniest bathroom in the world in my trailer, if that’s not too strange for you,” Mollymauk offered. “The door locks and everything.”

“I wouldn’t want to impose,” Caleb said.

“It’s hardly an imposition, I’m offering. One family member to another.”

Caleb swallowed and found it hard, he couldn’t see strings attached to the offer. He had already agreed to join Gustav’s carnival and it wasn’t as though Mollymauk had to sweeten the offer at this point. 

“Alright, if it is not an imposition then.” 

Mollymauk got to his feet with the ease of a practiced acrobat, keeping Caleb’s hands and helping him up. “You know, problems aren’t really that bad if you share them with someone. I bet Nott would have been happy to shank anyone who got too close to your curtain while you showered.” 

Caleb breathed a laugh and glanced over at Mollymauk. “Why are you helping me?”

Mollymauk looked over at him with a bit of surprise in his eyes. “I spent the better part of a week searching for you after letting you get away once. I’m not about to let you slip through my fingers a second time.”

“Ah. Well.” He didn’t know what else to say. It wasn’t as though he hadn’t thought about the handsome carnival man over the last week, but he couldn’t even imagine he was worth the sort of effort and thought that Mollymauk must have been putting into finding him. The echo in his chest was still there and he wondered what it felt like from Mollymauk’s perspective, having this strange human who invoked such an unusual feeling in him. At least Caleb had some idea why Mollymauk made his arms and fingers buzz with energy. 

The trailer he walked him to was barely larger than the one Caleb and Nott were sharing with Beauregard, painted with broad strokes of teal peacock feathers on purple. Mollymauk didn’t even need to unlock the door, pushing it open with one hand and gesturing Caleb inside. The interior was dimly lit with the last dying sunlight coming through the half-curtained windows. Where the other trailer had one moderately sized bed and two very narrow ones, the bulk of the main room was occupied by a wide bed with an obscene number of brightly colored and luxuriantly textured blankets strewn across it. The bed was big enough for at least two occupants and had four pillows that Caleb could count without making it too obvious he’d been staring at the bed. The wall at one end was an open closet, brightly colored shirts and brilliant scarves hanging and folded into the space in a way that was almost as decorative as it was functional. 

“The bathroom is at that end. Don’t get your hopes too high, the water is sun-warmed so it’s barely above body temperature. Do you have a change of clothes?” Mollymauk pointed down to the end of the trailer opposite the closet and bed and thankfully gave Caleb a distraction to turn his attention that direction.

“You said- you said the door locked, ja?” Caleb asked. 

“Yes, but there is one rule, and this applies to my trailer and not the fair as a whole.”

Caleb’s stomach tightened and he ran through his head an escape plan before even responding with a quiet, “Oh?”

“No hard drugs. Not alone that is. If you’re going to do something stupid, we do it together and we have fun, understood?” Mollymauk’s face was serious but Caleb wasn’t sure if he was teasing him again. 

“Ja, understood. And no, I do not have a change of clothes.”

“Go get clean and I’ll see what I can find that is… well that isn’t going to cause a spate of rumors,” he responded. 

“Rumors?” Caleb had just started to walk to the bathroom and paused. 

“Nevermind. Enjoy cleaning up.” Mollymauk grinned, red eyes faintly lit up in the dim light and his cheshire grin bright across the distance between them. 

Caleb closed the door behind him when he entered the bathroom and it was smaller than a standard closet. There was a toilet that lacked running water and instead had a blue fluid sitting in the bottom and a shower with barely enough space for a grown man to stand. He locked the door behind him closing the plastic lid to the toilet and stacking his clothing on top. Coat, shirt, pants, bandages, and his books on the very top as far from the actual toilet as possible. 

There was a tiny sink with a ridiculously gilded mirror hanging over it and Caleb stepped back to regard himself. Without the thick and multiple layers of clothing, he was surprisingly skinny, even to himself. His arms were littered with scars distributed in key locations, from wrist to elbow. They were different than Mollymauk’s scars, heavier and deeper but far less in number. At the edges of where the bandages had been hiding them there was a line of grime that had built up since he had last been able to wash back at the hotel. 

He found all the toiletries he’d stolen from the hotel, including a disposable razor. Caleb took his time; the privacy was a luxury he didn’t know how to pay back to Mollymauk but he was certainly going to enjoy while he was able to. There was the softest rap on the door mid-shower and Mollymauk’s voice through the thin panel, letting him know he was leaving clothes outside that he could borrow until he got his own clean. More favors he owed this strange, fey man that he did not know how to return. Once clean, Caleb turned his hands palm up and considered them, wondering if now a real palm reader would be able to find the line that indicated he was a bad person. 

Caleb wasn’t sure he could even wear the clothing that Mollymauk had left outside the door. With one towel wrapped around his waist and a second draped across his arm, Caleb opened the door just the tiniest crack he could to retrieve the neatly folded pile of clothing outside the bathroom door. Even at first glance the dark, skinny jeans and bright blue, collared shirt were too outlandish and too Mollymauk for him to wear. There was also a knitted, black item he thought might be a cardigan or a scarf and he wasn’t sure, it just seemed large and flat and kept going beyond what any normal garment ought to. But they were all clean and the fabric moved so soft between his fingers. Between the shirt and trousers was socks, a roll of fresh bandages, and what Caleb initially thought was some sort of pocket square.

Underwear. 

Caleb ended up dropping them in the sink as soon as he realized what he was holding. The material was like water in his fingers, silk probably, and just enough to hold everything in place and not much else. How did that even work? There wasn’t nearly enough fabric for anything else. 

It was easier to think about the fresh bandages. Caleb at least kept a supply of that in his bag and it made him smile to not have to tap into his precious, bare supplies. He leaned against the counter after testing to make sure it would bear his weight, wrapping the bandages to hide the scars on his arms up his forearms and neatly tucking the ends so they would stay in place. He had enough practice with the bandages it was the simplest part of getting dressed at the moment. 

Caleb risked a glance at the underwear where he’d dropped them in the sink. They were a deep blue in color and Caleb could just imagine how they would look against brown skin. Would the tattoos go that far down? He dragged his eyes away and compose himself. There was no reason he should be thinking about Mollymauk naked, or near enough to, the man was a natural flirt and certainly had not singled Caleb out for that sort of attention. He never would, Caleb could only offer the dark fumblings of forgotten youth and Mollymauk could find much better offers than that.

He covered his superheated face with his hands and counted breaths, reciting spell components silently until his heartbeat returned to normal. 

Bat gauno. Spider silk. Moth cocoon. 

It wasn’t as though he had something clean to use rather than what Mollymauk had loaned him and those pants were far too tight to wear nothing under. Caleb picked up the intense blue underwear from the sink and navigated putting them on. He felt quite certain he’d never felt something quite that soft against his skin before. Focusing on something other than who he’d them borrowed from made it a little easier. 

Caleb glanced in the mirror just to confirm what he already knew. He looked ridiculous, flushed in the face and wearing the barest patch of blue fabric below the trail of dark red hair down his stomach. 

The rest of the clothing was much easier to get on, though he was careful with the zipper on the pants. He wasn’t used to pants so tight that hugged his ass like these did, and he twisted to look in the mirror. That was maybe not so bad. What would Mollymauk think? Had he chosen these clothes with how Caleb would look in mind? Probably not, but it was nice to dream. Maybe. The shirt was soft against his skin and he could button it higher than Mollymauk ever did in order to, hopefully, look less like he was attempting to steal his look. 

He pulled the book holsters on over the blue shirt, twisting in the mirror to get the buckles right and the bathroom was a bit too narrow to really double check the bindings on the books without the very real risk of water if he leaned too far toward the tiny shower stall. So Caleb collected his clothing and bag and padded on socked feet into the other side of Mollymauk’s trailer. 

“Good shower? Oh, hi.” 

Mollymauk was seated in one of two chairs that weren’t the bed. He looked up as Caleb emerged, and paused while he absorbed the freshly showered and shaven Caleb with his books on display rather than hidden beneath his coat. 

“I know that I look foolish, but thank you for the loan,” Caleb said, setting his stiff, folded clothing down on the second chair. It was wood so he didn’t think his clothing would be offensive resting on it. “I am not sure how this… works?” He held up the soft, knitted article. It was warm in his hands and he appreciated the craftsmanship of it.

Mollymauk rose to his feet and stood by while Caleb checked his books, watching him closely while he finished. 

“What?” Caleb caught his look and, though Mollymauk’s eyes were hard to red, felt there was a degree of intensity that was hardly warranted.

“I haven’t seen you up close,” Mollymauk answered, raising one eyebrow. “I like that color on you.” 

“You’ve seen me before,” Caleb said with half a laugh. He didn’t want to acknowledge the compliment, it would disappear like trying to catch a bubble. 

“Yes, I had. With all that on top.” 

He picked up the knitted item and wrapped it around Caleb, arranging it so it somehow was some sort of cardigan, soft and warm. Caleb felt very aware of Mollymauk’s hands where they were close to his waist and shoulders while he worked. He knew what he meant suddenly, even when they had been holding hands, Mollymauk had never been this close to his body. 

“What are the books?” Mollymauk asked. 

Caleb had been burying his face in the soft knit, breathing in the faint musky spice odor on the cardigan. He lifted his head, worried he’d been caught for a moment, but then he parsed Mollymauk’s question well enough to answer it. 

“The secret of my fire breathing is that I am a wizard.” Caleb turned and smiled over his shoulder at Mollymauk where he was standing just behind him. “Without these books I’m nothing.”

“Well that’s demonstrably false,” Mollymauk responded. “There. You should still be able to put your coat over this if you get cold but if you want to keep your books hidden this should do.” 

Caleb only had to turn to see himself himself in the full mirror. With Mollymauk’s words in his mind he looked at himself with fresh eyes to see if maybe there was something more. The only thing looking back at Caleb was his own pale face, tired blue eyes, and the garish, bright shirt that suited Mollymauk more than it ever would Caleb. Behind him was the shape of Mollymauk, although all Caleb could see was his red eyes and warm smile. 

“Thank you, Molly,” Caleb said, meeting his eyes in the mirror.

“You're welcome to come back when you want to wash up again,” Mollymauk offered. “But you know, knock first.”

Caleb opened his mouth to answer, a question his brain hadn’t processed on his lips. Before he had done much more than draw breath, the echo in his arms changed, rolling from the tips of his fingers to his shoulders to combine in his chest like an unusual harmony. He knew the second resonance and backed into Mollymauk in surprise.

“Everything okay, Caleb?”

“You can’t feel that?” Caleb asked.

He saw Mollymauk’s confused face behind him, realizing that the only echo the other man could feel was Caleb. Deeper in the shadows behind them both, silver hair and purple eyes stood out. 

Caleb turned toward the violet shadow in the trailer, surprised by his presence. Essek wasn’t one to appear around others. On Caleb’s hand, the silver ring felt cold and brighter than seemed natural in a trailer as dark as this. 

“Essek-”

“Get away from him,” Essek interrupted Caleb, crossing the space of the trailer rapidly. The question of who Essek wanted away from whom only lingered briefly in Caleb’s mind. One of Essek’s hands closed on Caleb’s arm in a bruising grip while the other pushed hard in the center of Mollymauk’s chest to separate them.

“Hey now,” Mollymauk stumbled back and without warning had a long, thin knife in his hand. “Let him go.”

Rather than answer verbally, Essek made a complicated gesture with the hand not gripping Caleb’s arm. The part of the echo in Caleb’s chest that was Essek drowned everything else out. There was a window that Caleb could have pulled his arm free, could have countered Essek’s spell. Even now, five years later, and Caleb was so used to permitting others to decide for him, as the world faded around him, Caleb did nothing. Allowing himself to be whisked away.

Caleb had one good look at Mollymauk’s face, how his red eyes burned bright and fierce with the knife drawing a line of blood across his shoulder. And then he was gone, the trailer was gone, and the only thing that existed was Essek’s hand around his arm.

The world, or a world, came back. Caleb sagged in Essek’s hold on his arm, overwhelmed with sensory input. He couldn’t focus, the colors were too bright and too many and it was easier to just close his eyes. The sounds were pulling his attention in every direction at once, musical and enticing and laughter all at trying to grab and pull at him. Would that he could close his ears in the same manner he had his eyes. It smelled of flowers and food and his stomach let him know he’d had precious little good food and if he could just have a little. The air tasted of spice and brimstone and as soon as he found his feet, Caleb stepped to follow all the enticing sensations.

A hand on his arm was still keeping him back and rather than supporting him now, it was stopping him from getting to all the sounds and smells that delighted and intoxicated him. As he tried to shrug the hand off, an arm wrapped around his waist and pulled him hard and close against a warm body.

“No, I don’t think so.” The voice was distantly familiar and close beside his ear. “Keep your eyes closed, it will be safe to open them in a moment.” 

And then the arm was drawing him away from the warmth Caleb could feel against his skin, the light he could see through his eyelids, and the delicious smells that he didn’t want so much as he needed like oxygen. There was an instinct in Caleb to fight, but it had long ago been pushed so far down that Caleb acknowledged it like a mosquito bite. Annoying, very aware of its presence, but something he could ignore if he applied a little willpower. 

As they drew further away from wherever they had come to be, it was easier to think. Caleb felt more himself and less like the sort of fool who ate of fairy food. He knew the solid, warm shape against his back was Essek, knew the voice that had spoken so close to his ear was the same. What would he think of Caleb, so easily swayed by the delights of the Wildlands but also so willing to go along with a strong arm around his waist.

They’d never been quite this close before. As much time as Essek had spent trying to entice him into making a bargain with him, they had rarely touched more than the occasional brush of hands. It made him very aware of the moment when he’d healed the bite mark on Caleb’s hand. He should have known Essek was strong, but he was usually swathed in such layers of shadows and fanciful robes that Caleb didn’t really know what more than his face looked like. And his hands, Caleb would have known Essek’s hands from any other, the way he attended to the few times he’d been able to see him cast a spell. 

“Feeling a bit more yourself?” Essek asked, mouth still close to Caleb’s ear. “No, don’t open your eyes yet.” 

The feeling of the air changed, as though the space became more closed and then Caleb could hear a door shut. 

“There.” 

Caleb opened his eyes, still leaning into Essek and uncertain his legs could have supported him without something to lean against. They were in a medium sized sitting room, lit with small floating baubles producing a faint yellow light not terribly different than candle light. A couch and two chairs occupied the room and an entire wall was covered in solid bookshelves. There was a door behind them and two others open into dark, unknown spaces on the other side. While he wanted to take in the details of the room, Caleb’s attention kept returning to the shelves and shelves of books and the promise of knowledge inside them.

“Where are we?” Caleb asked. 

“The Wildlands, these are my rooms.” Essek answered. He helped Caleb into one of the two chairs, withdrawing his arm from his waist and managing to leave a cold band where it had been. He finally released Caleb’s upper arm and it smarted where he’d been holding so tight. 

“And where did we arrive?” he continued with another question, knowing he was asking too many but feeling this time that Essek owed him answers. He turned his head from the books to look back at the door they’d come through. He was sheltered from the worst temptation but he could still imagine the ghost of music coming from where they’d been. The urge to go back was so small, but it was still there.

“The queen’s court. It-” Essek broke off and walked to the door, throwing locks into place. The locks were a dark metal against the dark-stained wood that felt ancient even from this distance. Iron. “There. It’s not safe for you there.”

“Is it safe for me here?” Caleb looked directly at Essek. 

He’d rarely seen him more than mildly annoyed and never seen him ruffled. His hair was mussed and his robes askew, those purple eyes bright and intense. 

Essek regarded him from a few steps away by the door. “I am sorry for taking you so abruptly, but you are safer here than you were with Lucien.”

Caleb put his hands on the arms of the chair and turned his eyes back to the books on the wall, trying to pick out titles and give himself time to think. Lucien wasn’t a familiar name but given Essek’s reaction to Mollymauk he must have meant him. Who was Lucien? How had he come to be Mollymauk? And were they really two separate people? He thought about Mollymauk’s face when he’d talked about knowing nothing more than a year prior, how he’d looked so open and vulnerable. Could he trust that? Could he trust Essek?

“How do you know him? Lucien. Mollymauk.” Caleb turned his gaze to where Essek was settling on the couch, shifting his robes slightly to smooth them back into place and accommodate the change in position. 

“Is that what he is going by?” Essek asked, the scorn apparent in his voice. “I don’t even know how he’s there, like that. He should be dead.”

Caleb frowned. “You need to be more explicit, Essek. How do you know him and why did you bring me here? What do you mean by he should be dead?”

Essek turned his head to the side, eyes reflecting the pale yellow light of the orb he was contemplating. Caleb tested his legs by pushing on the chair and rising to his feet. He felt a little wobbly but able to remain upright under his own power. The complacency of letting himself be taken away was fading and if he had to brave the Queen’s Court to get back to Nott and the carnival he would. He’d meant to cross to the door but he walked to the bookshelf instead. Apparently there were some things he wasn’t able to resist. The call of the Court he could resist at this distance, but a wall of books drew him like the finest trap. From the couch, Essek lifted one hand and bars dropped over the spines of the books, making it impossible to pull one from the shelf.

“That is rude,” Caleb snapped.

“Do you always touch people’s things without permission?” Essek asked.

“Do you always kidnap people?” Caleb retorted. 

Essek turned and met his eyes, fierce for a moment and then melting into a handsome smile. The reaction was disarming and Caleb had a hard time holding onto the anger that made it easier to resist the elf’s fey charm.

“No, I do not often kidnap, people. Please sit down, Caleb.” Essek was watching him, twisted on the couch to be looking over his shoulder. 

“You owe me answers, Essek.” Caleb walked back to the seating arrangement while Essek followed him with his eyes and the turn of his head. He started toward the chair he’d initially sat in until he caught the movement of Essek’s hand sweeping his robes out of the way to make a space for Caleb beside him. Without letting himself think about it, Caleb settled in the space Essek had created for him.

“Can I offer you anything? Human food,” Essek asked.

“Why do you have human food?” Caleb asked, genuinely curious.

“Because,” Essek looked up at him as he spoke, pale eyelashes framing those light purple eyes in silver. It was distracting to say the least, until very recently Caleb hadn’t spent much time thinking about what Essek might think of him but he was looking at him in a different manner. Or Caleb was now noticing it for the first time, it was hard to say which. “I’ve been trying to talk you into being mine for a while now.”

“Essek I have told you, I do not intend to belong to anyone again. You are very tempting and very handsome, but I must be my own before I can be anyone else’s.” Caleb smiled ever so slightly as he said this. 

“You’re coming more into your own the longer I know you, Widogast,” Essek responded, his smile warming up. 

“Do not be charming. Why did you bring me here? Why do you think Molly- Lucien isn’t trustworthy?” Caleb pulled one of his legs onto the couch and hooked his foot behind the knee of the other leg so that he could more easily turn his body toward Essek. The strange clothing made him feel different, confident, as though he was borrowing something from Mollymauk through the tactile sensation of the fabrics. 

Essek’s smile faded and he looked serious, still watching Caleb with an intense expression. “This man, I knew him as Lucien not that long ago. He betrayed us, the Court, I would have thought you would know. He was in league with someone familiar to you. Trent Ikithon.”

Caleb’s stomach dropped out, hearing a name he hadn’t in five years but had only recently grown into not thinking of constantly. Trent Ikithon. It had been a long and complicated day already so when his vision clouded with grey, Caleb was just glad he was sitting on a couch as he fainted.


	4. Touching Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After that big reveal, what else does Essek have to tell Caleb? And did you really think Caleb's friends are just going to let someone kidnap him? (I mean, Caleb thought so but he's not a particularly good judge of his own value)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I definitely borrowed some German for a Zemnian word here, hope no one minds.

When Caleb woke up, he was fairly certain he hadn’t been out for very long. But then, he was in the realm of fairy, for all he was aware years were passing by for every minute he spent here. But he was on his back, it felt as though he was still on the couch and cool hands were holding his head off the couch, cradling his neck and head. 

“Caleb?”

The world was still grey at the edges, which was interesting because the colors in the Wild were on average more intense than the mortal realm. Essek’s face was suspended above him, anxious expression doing nothing for Caleb’s old impression that nothing ever fazed him. With the rest of the world slightly muted, Caleb could properly appreciate Essek’s face from this proximity. The way he had a line between his eyebrows when he looked at Caleb, the soft, perfect shape of his lips when he frowned. Particularly it was his eyes, pale purple and framed by those long, silver lashes that Caleb was paying particular attention to. 

“Essek.” Caleb blinked slowly at him, the world still swimming so he didn’t fight the pull of gravity keeping him on the couch for now. 

“Don’t do that. Whatever that was,” Essek said, his voice harsh at the edges. 

“I am sorry.” Caleb said. 

“Can you sit up?” Essek’s eyes searched his face. They were so close like this. 

Caleb put his arms back behind himself and pushed up with his elbows. He didn’t feel graceful, but with Essek’s help he was able to get into an upright position. “I didn’t mean to faint, Essek. I will be alright.” 

Essek offered him a cup with an amber liquid inside. “It is human wine. It should be safe enough for you to drink.” 

He accepted the glass and smelled the contents; the smell was mortal enough, Caleb was certain that if it was fairy wine it would have taken all the willpower he had to resist it. There was a faint smell of flowers and rich fruit to it. If it was mortal wine it had to be expensive. 

“It is only safe for me to drink if you think I have any tolerance for alcohol,” Caleb said. But he sipped from the glass, the contents cold and shocking against his lips. The taste of the wine surpassed his expectations, sweet and smooth on the tongue. “You are certain this is from human hands?”

Essek smiled. “It is. I have not spent all the time trying to bring you here willingly to trap you now. I’ve traded for this from the Lionett family, I understand it is a highly sought after wine in your realm.” 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Caleb apologized again, taking a second sip from the glass before setting it aside on the table beside the couch. The wine was good but he could already tell it was very potent. 

“Will you be alright if I continue?” Essek asked, moving to sit on the couch beside him, eyes following the movement of Caleb’s hand with the wine and then returning to his face. 

Caleb nodded. “I have to be. Essek I can’t stay here with you and I should know- I should know if they were working together.” He couldn’t actually bring himself to say if Mollymauk was working with Trent. Of course Mollymauk would have known Caleb’s face. If he was lying. “And what you mean when you say he should be dead.”

Essek frowned, looking at him critically. “Something is different about you.” He gestured at Caleb.

“What do you mean? I am who I have always been, please do not try to change the subject.”

The elf shook his head a little and sat up. “I suppose. Humans change quickly, it is hard to keep track.” 

Caleb made a face and Essek laughed quietly. His laughter was closer to human than what Caleb heard in the Court when he’d first arrived. This was better, it helped to make Essek seem more real in his mind. Something he could reach out and touch. 

“Yes, I apologize. But please let me know if I should stop. I don’t want you to- to fall again, please?” Essek’s face was so entreating, Caleb nodded. “Alright. Trent Ikithon has been tricking the Queen for some time now, making bargains and bringing us humans to fulfill his side of the bargain.”

This was familiar to Caleb and he closed his hands into fists in order to not rub at the scars hidden beneath the bandages.

“We are not certain how he was imbuing them with power, but they burn bright for a very short period of time before they are no longer human,” Essek continued. He watched Caleb closely as he spoke. He reached with his hands and uncurled one of Caleb’s fists, wrapping his hand up in both of his own. His hands were cool but the contact was actually welcome, helping Caleb to stay grounded and know where he was. 

Caleb knew how he was granting them power. His arms still bore the marks from crystals being embedded in his skin for days at a time while Professor Ikithon found the right positioning and tone to make them all ring. The memory made his hands ache and his skin crawl all over again. 

“Is it okay to continue?” Essek asked, giving his hands a squeeze. 

“Yes. Please.” Caleb’s voice felt far away but he must have looked passably healthy because Essek gave him a reassuring smile before continuing. 

“The arrangement has been bad for the Queen’s Court,” Essek glanced toward the door and then back to Caleb, thumbs tracing circles in the skin on the back of Caleb’s hand. “And it was Lucien, your friend, who had began working with him.”

“How?” Caleb felt sick and it had nothing to do with the two sips of wine on an empty stomach. 

Essek sighed, his expression darkening. “We don’t need human magic to live, but we find it very entertaining and enjoyable. A diversion. Life is so long that we do need entertainment. Lucien was-is a changeling, a human child stolen from a nursery ward and one of our own left in its place. He was always strong for a human, so closely tied to the Wild that we did think perhaps a mistake had been made. He was accepting tokens of power from Trent Ikithon, crystals that were charged by the mortal youths he would bring to us.” 

“I might throw up,” Caleb warned. “Do you have a- a bucket or something?” 

That gave Essek pause and he blinked briefly at Caleb before getting to his feet. One of the two other doors in the room swung open without being touched and yellow lights came to life to reveal a long room that might have been a kitchen or dining room. Smells drifted in through the open doorway, far more interesting and tempting than the Lionett wine that Essek had given him before. Why had he only brought the mortal wine when it was clear that the fairy offering would have been far better. And didn’t Essek want to keep him? The elf returned with a large pitcher in his hands and the light behind him faded along with the tempting smells. 

Caleb swallowed. He couldn’t stay here this long if every temptation swayed him this easily. Essek handed him the empty pitcher as he sat back down and Caleb held it briefly against his stomach while he decided if he was going to throw up now or later. Maybe neither. Maybe both.

When the initial wave of nausea passed, Caleb relaxed his grip on the pitcher only slightly. He looked up toward Essek to find the elf looking back, expression unperturbed by this sign of physical frailty. He looked less concerned about Caleb’s potential to vomit than he had about him fainting.

“Please, continue,” Caleb said. 

Essek nodded, looking off to the side while he recalled where he had left off the narrative. “I do not know the exact details of how or why Lucien died, but it was at the hands of Ikithon. We’d known of his betrayal and he would have met a much worse end at the hands of the Court. That makes him lucky I suppose. Nevertheless, he was buried as a mortal; in shallow mortal soil in your realm.”

Caleb thought back to Mollymauk’s face when Essek had been stealing him away. Angry, stricken; had it been the face of someone who knew he was about to be exposed? He’d allowed himself to believe at the time it was the expression of someone who didn’t want to lose a- friend? Acquaintance? Caleb wasn’t even sure how to calculate what he was to the other man.

“What happened to Ikithon?” he forced himself to ask.

Essek shrugged. “As far as we are aware he yet lives but has not approached our Court for some time. Not directly at least.”

“When did this happen?” he asked. Caleb was curious how it lined up with his own memories, how it compared to the timeline Mollymauk had hinted at.

“The bargains? Years now, several that we had been dealing with Ikithon,” Essek said. He tilted his head to one side, considering. “Since Lucien died, little more than a year, as mortals count.”

Caleb nodded, his grip on the pitcher in his hands now so tight it hurt. He didn’t feel as much like throwing up, but the solid object was something good to hold onto. If Essek was right, Caleb had to get back to warn Nott and get both of them out of Gustav’s carnival as quickly as possible. If Essek was wrong, Mollymauk should get the chance to tell his side of the story. Right?

“Caleb.” Essek’s voice sounded concerned but it was so distant to Caleb.

“Ja?”

“Are you alright?” Essek slid closer on the couch now that it appeared the imminent danger of vomit had passed.

“Mmm,” Caleb answered. He meant for it to be assent but the sound was non-committal at best.

“Caleb.” Essek reached over this time, the back of his fingers brushing against the back of Caleb’s hand.

The physical contact was enough to properly catch Caleb’s attention. His head snapped up and his eyes met Essek’s. It was a day full of firsts and Caleb’s head was spinning with the new perceptions of people he’d only just met as well as those he thought he’d known for years. Essek’s face was unusually well lit in the space of his own home. Caleb had seen him dishevelled and angry today and now his face had softened, looking almost tender.

“Are you alright?” Essek repeated his question now that it seemed he actually had Caleb’s attention.

“Yes. I- I have not had to hear that name in a long time,” Caleb said. He didn’t feel like he had to explain anything to Essek, but it was hard not to respond to his expression. “Trent Ikithon.”

They burned bright and fast. That was what Essek had said about the mortal youths that Ikithon had imbued with magic so he could use them as bargaining chips. Caleb had always been under the impression when he was a boy that they had a purpose. Their suffering had meant something. He’d known, when he ran away, he’d known then it was all a lie. But the sick feeling in his stomach was replaced by cold rage as he understood it meant human lives could be used as objects. Not even important objects, merely trivial entertainments.

“These mortals, what would have happened to them if they had longer wicks? Had they not died so prematurely?” And making them a bad bargain. Caleb wasn’t certain if the Court’s rage about these mortals was because they had perished young or because they’d offered too great a gift for them.

“They would have been treated well,” Essek answered.

Like pampered pets. Caleb looked away, eyes moving along the book spines on one shelf. Was this the future Essek envisioned for Caleb? A well-treated pet to be brought out for entertainment when the situation merited it? He glanced back at Essek and corrected himself. Years ago, Essek had looked at him like a fascinating animal to be captured. Now he looked at him as though he mattered.

“Thank you, Essek. May I ask you something to which you do not owe me an answer?” Caleb asked.

“You may ask, but I will not promise to answer,” Essek replied. His tone was conversational and not guarded in any way.

“Am I going to burn out? Like those other mortals.”

Essek maintained eye contact but there was a brief flicker of emotion in those pale purple eyes that Caleb could not immediately identify. He was hardly what someone would call a youth, he’d just crested into his twenties when he ran away. Caleb was so twisted with doubt about his own abilities he didn’t even know if he could count himself as bright or just a good study. But if Ikithon’s other apprentices, other victims, had scorched themselves and their powers hollow, then didn’t it stand Caleb would also? Essek looked down at Caleb’s hands and arms, eyes heavily lidded and impossible to see.

“Well?” Caleb had allowed the quiet to continue until he could no longer contain the question anymore.

It wasn’t as though Caleb being one of Ikithon’s experiments was news to Essek. They had met shortly after Caleb had run. At the time, Caleb now realized, Essek had thought he’d found a lost toy he could make his own. A feral exotic to adopt.

“I don’t know.” Essek looked up at him when he finally answered Caleb’s question.

Caleb closed his eyes. There were so many things he didn’t know the answer to. He did believe Essek was being mostly honest in his answer, but that didn’t make it illuminating or helpful.

“I am just so tired,” Caleb finally said. He only them opened his eyes to find Essek watching him again.

“Then sleep. You will be safe here.”

Caleb set his pitcher beside the couch, still not entirely convinced he would not need it before the visit was through. “Will you wake me when eight hours have passed? In the mortal realm. And then take me home?”

Essek rose to his feet, as Caleb leaned back into the comfort of the couch, and retrieved a blanket from somewhere to sweep it over Caleb. It was softer than anything Caleb had imagined, brushing his cheek and hands.

“Essek.” Caleb said.

“Yes, Caleb,” was the answer.

“I still need you to make that promise,” Caleb mumbled, fighting the draw of sleep made all the heavier with the light blanket on top of him. 

Essek laughed softly, sounding as dangerous and wild as he actually was for a moment. “And if I do not?”

“Then I will find my own way home.” Caleb opened his eyes and Essek was looking down at him, leaned over the back of the couch.

“And I believe you would. With the iron in your blood and the fire in your soul, I do not doubt you.” Essek reached down to push hair back from Caleb’s forehead. “Yes. I will wake you when eight hours have passed in the mortal realm. At which point you may decide where I will take you or if you would choose to stay. You have my word.” 

“Essek.”

“Mmm.” 

“How did you bring me here? When I did not strike a deal with you.” Caleb asked, something that had been nagging at the back of his mind.

“You are halfway between worlds, Caleb. And when you bear my ring well, it’s only a little more complicated than whisking someone away who wants to be taken.” Essek’s voice was gentle and quiet, like he was speaking to a willful child.

Caleb was still hopelessly, uselessly fighting sleep and trying to watch the fading shadow of Essek. He was just aware of the sound of the bars on the bookcase moving but lacked the energy and will to voice his irritation he had not been allowed to peruse the library. Probably this was for his protection as well as Essek’s but it felt particularly unfair right now. He was still thinking this when his awareness of the world faded into sleep only to be interrupted by a jerk in his navel that shocked him awake and away from Essek’s sitting room.

Caleb’s back struck something solid with enough impact to drive the air from his lungs. Bereft of air, Caleb sat up with a gasp and began coughing.

“There! He’s over there!” The familiar voice of Nott was close by and the pounding of feet announced her arrival.

It was fully dark and the sky was obscured by trees as far as Caleb could see. The small shape of Nott barreled into Caleb while he was still struggling to piece together where he was. Her big, gold eyes were bright dishes in the darkness, picking up ambient light and collecting it to help her see.

“What? Where are we?” 

“Oh Caleb, Mollymauk wouldn’t stop until we brought you back, he said an elf stole you,” Nott said. She wasn’t crying but her voice was thick in her throat and heavy with potential tears.

“Nott, please stay close to me,” Caleb said. 

“Molly.” Yasha’s voice was quiet but it carried to Caleb. She stood out in the darkness, pale as she was, practically glowing in the little bit of light that made its way through the trees. “He is over here, Nott has found him. Come on.” She made a noise like hefting something heavy and two more pairs of footsteps made their way across the leaves to his side. 

“What is it Caleb? What happened?” Nott asked, taking his hand in both of her own. 

Yasha’s heavy boot falls were loud in the leaves and at her side was the lighter stride of Mollymauk, dragging slightly as she supported him against her side. One look confirmed the color had drained from his face, left arm swathed in thick fabric.

Mollymauk pushed off of Yasha and stood on his own feet long enough to take two trembling steps toward Caleb and then collapse to his knees beside him. “Are you okay Caleb? I tried to stop him taking you but he was too strong.”

“What did you do?” Caleb asked. He glanced briefly at Mollymauk’s awkward wrapped arm and back to his face. Caleb wasn’t even sure if he meant right now or before, over a year ago.

“I brought,” Mollymauk had to pause to breathe, clutching his left arm. “Brought you back.”

Caleb searched his face but couldn’t find any hints about Lucien was, who he was to Mollymauk. His face was earnest, grey and gleaming with a thin sheen of sweat. “Yasha, were you with Gustav when Mollymauk joined the fair?”

She seemed surprised he was talking to her. “Yes. Is this really the best place for this? We should get both of you-”

“No, now is the time for this,” Caleb interrupted, speaking fast with his accent thick on his tongue. “What was he? Who was he then?”

“Caleb.” Mollymauk reached for his hand with his one good one. “I woke up in the ground, buried in a shallow grave. There was dirt in my mouth and I was no one.”

Where their hands met, Caleb turned his so their palms were pressed together. “Please Molly, I need to know. But I need to hear from someone else.”

Yasha frowned, her mismatched eyes moving between the two of them. “We found him, filthy and on the side of the road. If there was a grave, he must have climbed out before we arrived. He didn’t talk back then.”

Molly laughed weakly, “I imagine a few people miss those days.”

“Like he said, he was no one back then. But we fed him, clothed him. Gustav isn’t the sort to abandon anyone and we couldn’t just leave him. Eventually he began to speak and all he had were questions. Whatever he used to be Caleb, he isn’t that anymore. He is Mollymauk now, he’s one of us.” Yasha looked uncomfortable speaking so much in one go, but while she considered if that was enough she held their attention. With a curt nod, she seemed to be done and released them.

Her story had been delivered with very little embellishment, her voice soft as she stated what she felt were facts. Caleb stared at Mollymauk. He wanted so badly to believe him, to trust him, but all his past experience warned him not to. The more he wanted it, the less he should trust it.

“Listen to me, Wicht, if I find you are lying, I will burn you from the inside out. Ja?” Caleb reached forward and grabbed Mollymauk by the front of his coat. His hands shook as he held him, practically in Mollymauk’s lap as he made threats.

“Caleb be careful,” Nott warned.

But her warning was too late and Yasha had grabbed him by the back of the neck and pulled him off Mollymauk. He had known she was strong but he was still surprised when she pulled him up to his feet with seemingly so little effort. On the ground, Nott pulled a pair of small knives, growling at the far larger form of the carnival bouncer.

On the ground, Mollymauk started to laugh and brought all their attention down to himself. “Let him go Yasha. Please?”

Yasha glared at Caleb before releasing him. “You hurt him and I hurt you.”

Caleb ended up back on the ground, his legs collapsing beneath his own weight. “Where is my cat? Has anyone seen him?”

Mollymauk was watching him with faintly glowing eyes and an amused expression. “I believe he is back at camp. We should get back so that we can let Beau know we’ve found you.”

“Caleb, I made sure there was some dinner saved for you,” Nott said. Her expression was worried, watching him just as closely as she did Mollymauk. She was trying to break the tension, her knives disappearing into her clothing but they all knew they were close at hand. “I like your new clothes.”

“Thank you Nott. I will take dinner at Mr. Tealeaf’s trailer, we have matters to discuss,” Caleb responded.

“Oh yes, Mister Caleb and I have business matters to talk about,” Mollymauk chimed in.

“Molly you should rest,” Yasha added. She sounded unhappy and worried about him.

“He’s lost a lot of blood,” Nott said in a low tone. She managed to make it sound like an accomplishment to be proud of.

Mollymauk shook his head at both of them. “We will be on our best behavior, won't we Caleb?”

“What? Ja.” Caleb was getting to his feet with some help from Nott.

“See?” Mollymauk turned on his most charming smile.

Yasha was completely unmoved by it. She bent and half picked Mollymauk up, getting an arm around him before walking them all back to camp. Word passed quickly that Caleb had been found and faster than he would have thought, food was left at Mollymauk’s door and they were left alone together.

“Mister Caleb, after you,” Mollymauk was standing on his own and gestured for Caleb to precede him into the trailer. 

“Give me your good arm,” Caleb responded, moving around to his right side.

Together they managed to limp their way into the trailer, Caleb returning for the food that had been left for them. By the time Caleb stepped back in the trailer, Mollymauk was laying on his back in the wrong direction across the bed, his feet still on the floor in those ridiculous boots.

“Sit up, let me look at your arm.” Caleb only briefly hesitated before sitting on the bed beside his left side.

“You said we’d never met before,” Mollymauk said without opening his eyes.

“We had not,” Caleb reassured him.

Mollymauk didn’t actually move so when Caleb’s limited patience ran out, he shifted his position to push his coat the rest of the way from his shoulders and begin extracting him from it. He was trying to me practical, but it was impossible not to feel very aware of the warmth of his body and the pleasant feel of muscles beneath his shirt. Caleb was careful, starting at the shoulder; Mollymauk had several cuts down his arm, already swaddled in heavy bandages. Caleb leaned across him to pull the second arm free while attempting not to fall on him or touch him too much.

“Then why are you so- so this?” When he spoke, Mollymauk opened one eye, vaguely gesturing at Caleb. 

“This what? You just pointed at all of me,” Caleb responded. 

“Exactly.” But now he was smiling. “Is he going to come looking for you?”

For one brief, panicked moment, Caleb didn’t know who Mollymauk was talking about. The first person that came to mind and might be looking for him was Trent Ikithon. Mollymauk’s face was tense, the playful smile faded into something else. No, he meant Essek, someone else he didn’t remember.

“Ja, but I will speak to him and remind him that I make my own decisions. Poor though they may be,” Caleb answered once the panic in his brain relaxed enough to think in words. 

“But you know something. For a minute I thought-” Mollymauk paused mid-sentence and then shook his head with a wry smile. “Well it doesn’t matter what I thought.”

His tone had been brighter again and Caleb smiled slightly before speaking. “Your thoughts matter.” Now that he had the amazing coat off, Caleb wasn’t sure what to do next if the man wasn’t going to cooperate.

Mollymauk turned his head to look at him again. “I thought there was something there for a minute, before you were pulled away. But you know him, he knew me and now it’s all.” He concluded what it was by making a wet noise with his tongue in his mouth.

“May I?” Caleb nodded at the wrapping on Mollymauk’s arm, getting permission to remove it with a tiny nod. “That is not entirely true. He knew a man named Lucien. And I am choosing to believe he is not the same person as you. He just had use of this body before you.”

Very familiar with arm injuries, Caleb gently unwound Mollymauk’s arm, careful to keep his hands soft and light when he had no choice but to touch sensitive, sore skin. They were both quiet for a while as he worked, Caleb at least enjoying the quiet presence of the other. Mollymauk watched him with heavily lidded eyes, following Caleb’s expression as he revealed six additional cuts on his arm, all of them sluggishly bleeding still.

“How did you bring me back?” Caleb asked. He got up and walked to where his forgotten bag lay, returning with a fresh roll of bandages and the mini bottle of vodka. “And do you have a better disinfectant than this?”

“Bathroom. Under the sink,” Mollymauk answered.

Caleb fetched it and came back with both the disinfectant and the vodka. He sat back on the bed, kicking his boots off this time and crossing his legs in front of himself. Mollymauk continued to quietly watch him work, now following his hands while he treated the multiple cuts and neatly wrapped them in linen. It was enjoyable work, Caleb finally had the opportunity to get a better look at the art inked across Mollymauk’s skin, fingers tracing the sun and moon on his shoulder absently before he bandaged the nearby wound. His skin was crossed with so many scars, Caleb had to stop himself from trying to count them. 

“You’re very good with your hands. Good at this I mean,” Mollymauk said. His voice was soft and fuzzy around the edges, relaxed but not really sleepy.

“And you are changing the subject. I’m not familiar with this sort of magic,” Caleb pressed for information. But his fingers stroked a scar on the inside of Mollymauk’s forearm, trying to coax the knowledge from him as well.

Mollymauk breathed a soft noise, looking up at him. “That’s maybe for the best, you know? I um, I guess you can say I marked you before he could take you. Your um, that feeling, here.” He put his right hand up to his chest. “And then I pulled.”

His skin was warm beneath Caleb’s hands and he tried to tell himself not to enjoy touching it as much as he did. Caleb turned his attention to Mollymauk’s shoulder, where he’d cut himself while Caleb was being pulled away. Mollymauk drew in air with a hiss when Caleb disinfected that cut; how long had it been uncovered? How long had he been gone? It seemed to still be the same night, the shallow injuries were still bleeding so it could not have been many hours.

“Who put the illusion spell around the camp?” Caleb asked, eyes on his hands and the warm skin beneath them and searching for something to distract him from that skin.

“Are you going to ask about all the magic in the carnival?” Mollymauk answered his question with a question.

“Ja.”

“That is also me,” Mollymauk admitted.

Caleb narrowed his gaze at him. “And you are doing this with every spell? Gustav permits it?” 

Mollymauk laughed softly, catching Caleb’s right hand from where it was on his arm and pulling it close to his chest. “No, I only bleed for important spells.”

That Mollymauk was implying Caleb was important took several moments to sink in and Caleb felt himself turning red in the face. His first instinct was to pull his hand back but the other man was looking at him expectantly. What was he supposed to do?

“Would you like help with your boots?” Caleb asked, saying the first thing that came to mind. The quiet between them was full of so much and he felt compelled to fill it with something else. Anything but that unspoken patience on Mollymauk’s part and the bit of Caleb that wondered if he had anything to offer him.

“Yes, please.” Mollymauk gave an ineffective little kick of one leg and released Caleb’s hand.

Feeling self-conscious and aware of his positioning, Caleb knelt beside the bed and began unlacing those boots. Of course there was no zipper for easy removal, if Caleb wanted Mollymauk out of his boots, he would have to work for it. Despite his best efforts, Caleb’s hand brushed the inside of one of his thighs and he nearly died when Mollymauk breathed in sharply and the muscle tensed beneath the brief touch.

“I’m sorry, that was-”

“Don’t worry so much. If I didn’t want to run the risk of a little fun I wouldn’t’ve let you help with my boots,” he answered, interrupting Caleb’s stammered apology.

He was much more careful with the second boot and finally got both of them removed. Mollymauk finally moved of his own will, shifting to get into the bed and pulling a blanket up over his legs and hips.

“Are you going to eat?” Caleb asked, adding another blanket. His mind briefly thought of Essek and a soft blanket against his cheek.

“After I sleep. Are you going to stay?”

“After I eat,” Caleb responded, risking a glance to see if the offer was welcome. He immediately blushed at his own boldness and clarified, “Just to sleep. Nothing else.”

“Of course,” Mollymauk answered. His voice didn’t sound sleepy, but his eyes were closed and his head on a pillow.

Caleb watched him for a moment and then took a plate to one of the empty chairs and ate the cold, simple food. The silver ring on Caleb’s hand grew warm, which didn’t surprise him. Neither did Essek’s voice speaking quietly in his ear.

“You are safe?”

“Ja. But thank you,” he answered, speaking soft but not certain whether his voice would carry or not. “I believe you, but I also believe Molly is not the same as this Lucien. Not anymore. Perhaps sometime you should speak to him.”

He heard and felt a soft laugh against his ear and neck, but when he looked no one was there. It was reassuring that Essek trusted his choice, or seemed to, enough to let him make it. 

Once his meal was done, Caleb set the plate aside. He picked up the tiny bottle of vodka and glanced at the beautiful man, seemingly asleep on the bed. Part of him wanted to just drink the tiny bottle in one go but a more responsible part made him set it back, just in case he needed the courage for something more than this. He’d been tired before and now it took every bit of willpower he had to walk across the room and slide into the space on Mollymauk’s bed that he was not occupying. The bed itself was large enough that three people could have shared without touching. And yet as soon as Caleb lay on his side, Mollymauk’s arms sought him out and pulled them closer. He brought the blanket with him and made sure Caleb was covered before settling again.

“What did you call me before?” he asked, quiet voice just beside Caleb’s ear. “Wicht?” 

“Ja. It is a Zemnian term,” Caleb answered. He adjusted against Mollymauk’s warmth and tried to relax. “It is a wretch, a creature that haunts you at night and will not permit rest. A pest.”

“Oh, a term of endearment then?”

Caleb laughed and some of the tension in his shoulders left. “Ja. Are you allergic to cats, Wicht?”

“No.”

Caleb called Frumpkin to him and the cat stood on his hip for a moment before finding where the blanket made a natural nest in the space between their bodies. He curled there, purring until the last of Caleb’s tension fled and he fell asleep.


	5. In Which There's a Timeskip and Caleb has a Bad Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Caleb has been with the circus for a while, he lets his guard down a little. He and Molly come up with a plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After this I run out of edited chapters. Why is editing so hard?

Traveling with Gustav’s Carnival was a new experience in many ways. It wasn’t just being on the road and being expected to have an act ready at any time. It was being part of a larger unit that Caleb had to readjust to. A family unit, as Gustav was fond of reminding them. People smiled when they saw Caleb, strange people yes, but they sort of people who appealed to him far more than normal ones ever had. It seemed that no matter where Caleb turned, someone was often there; and while it wasn’t unpleasant but it made it difficult to seek out privacy to study his books.

It turned out the best location to quietly study was not Caleb’s trailer that he shared with two other people. Nott made a big deal of making space for him and then often would watch him with interest. Beauregard would intentionally get into his space to try and see what he was reading, often not even pretending she was doing anything but. Bunking with them was not all bad, once Beauregard had stopped trying to convince him to join her workout routine at least. He found he liked having people he enjoyed the company of, liked the reassuring sound of Nott’s snoring and Beauregard complaining about it. 

The best place to study was often Mollymauk’s trailer, curled up around his book in either a chair or a cocoon of blankets on the bed. At first he kept returning on the excuse of checking the injuries on Mollymauk’s arms but, as they healed, the excuse became flimsier and Caleb still couldn’t quite admit he just enjoyed the company of the other man. Sometimes when he looked up from his book to find Mollymauk quietly observing him, Caleb would abruptly find a reason to be somewhere else. 

Caleb’s situation with Essek was similarly balanced. Essek would seek him out those few times he was alone or the silver ring would grow warm on his hand so he could exchange a few whispered words. When they were alone together, Caleb would relax and grow comfortable with the feeling in his chest and the fey presence nearby. But the gnawing worry would gradually come back and he would look for any reason to send Essek back rather than have those pale purple eyes watching and waiting. 

It reached a point exactly two months after Caleb had joined the carnival and a week after they had left their first engagement since Caleb had become a firebreather. That was when Nott offered to stab Mollymauk and make it look like an accident. 

“Why would I want that?” Caleb asked.

“Well it’s clear he is forcing you to come to his trailer so much. Caleb is he asking you to do things?” Nott explained. It was clear when she asked this, she thought Caleb was being forced into sexual situations.

Caleb sputtered and turned red. “No- that. It is nothing like that. He would never even-” He wasn’t sure what he wanted Mollymauk or Essek to do or ask of him. What Caleb did know was that he treasured the quiet moments he spent with both of them when he could forget their interest was based on experiments performed by Ikithon.

“So. No stabbing,” Nott checked for clarity.

“Who are we stabbing?”

Beauregard had a tendency to accidentally overhear any conversation and appear in the middle of it knowing more than she should. Her grinning face came through the door, apparently just catching the tail end of the conversation. 

“We’re stabbing Mollymauk!” Nott declared.

“We are not stabbing anymore,” Caleb said quickly.

“Why does Caleb want to stab Mollymauk? I thought you two were boning.” Beauregard sat on the edge of her bed, dropping with the boneless ease of an athlete. 

If Caleb had the chance to recover from blushing before, his face turned hot again and sweat broke out on his neck. “What? Not- that is. We are not. And I do not want to stab anyone.”

“Why not? Molly’s a good catch, he’s really hot- for a dude. And the way he looks at you, he things you should be knocking boots too. But he’s also like, a good person? The real kind, not the fake kind. He’s just trying to leave the world a better place, you know?” Beauregard gestured as she talked and Caleb could have gone the rest of his life happy to not know her gesture for sex.

“I do not wish to be knocking shoes with anyone,” Caleb said, wondering if there was a way out of this conversation or out of the trailer.

“What about your other friend? You two uh,” she paused and made that gesture again while clicking her tongue twice. “Ya know, pounding it out?”

“Is that why he kidnapped you Caleb? Do you want me to stab him?” Nott offered with a little too much enthusiasm.

“No you do not need to stab Essek. Also we are not- not pounding anything.” Caleb responded. If there was a god he hoped she would smite him before the conversation could continue.

“Essek, huh?” Beauregard of course caught onto the one part of the conversation Caleb would prefer that she had not. “Are we going to meet Essek or are you just going to sneak around behind our backs.”

“There is no sneaking,” Caleb said. That wasn’t quite true but he really thought he’d kept the elf’s existence a better secret than this.

“Is he hot?” She leaned forward on her knees.

Caleb turned on his side on the bed, deliberately turning his back to her.

“That’s a yes, right? A yes? Is he ignoring me?”

He still refused to answer, covering his face in his hands to try and get it to cool off.

“What about you, Nott? And ladies or guys out there for you?” Beauregard asked, moving her attention to her next victim.

“That is my personal information Beau. But the answer is yes,” Nott said. 

“Damn, good for you. I got like, you know, I try not to get tied down,” Beauregard said. She managed to make this last part sound like a question. “But I see some pretty hot ladies, you know?”

Caleb only moved to put his pillow over his head, hoping to drown some of the noise out. He could still hear Nott’s voice cutting through the material but it did help to muffle Beauregard. It was actually quite warm and comfortable. Though it was only early evening, Caleb let himself drift to sleep with the rare feeling of safety coming from the voices of his companions.

His arms ached; he'd become familiar with the two ringing chimes of Essek and Mollymauk, even welcomed the sound and harmony of them. It had been a long time since his arms had burned, since his hands and fingers and curled to try and chase the anguish out. There was another echo causing his bones to vibrate and raising a clamor in his chest. He could feel his ribs creak and break, something embedded deep in his chest trying to break loose. Caleb wasn't going to be able to keep it back, the creature in his chest was going to break loose and it was going to destroy everything.

Caleb woke, covered in sweat and unable to breathe with the pillow still over his face. His back and shoulders burned an it took several minutes to untangle himself from the position he'd contorted into and gotten caught in the blankets. It was disorienting to wake up in the bunk, despite it being where he'd been waking up for some time now. But when he could barely tell up from down, when he still felt like his heart was trying to escape his chest, Caleb felt uncomfortable and confined in the space. 

He grabbed his holsters and slid out of the bed. Above him, Nott was still snoring, unperturbed by his dreams. Beauregard was also asleep, sprawled across her bed with one leg stuck right out of the blankets across the floor. Caleb picked up his boots but didn't put them on, instead padding across the floor in socks and stepping outside directly into his boots. Materializing from the blankets he had already shed, Frumpkin padded along at his side and waited patiently while he oriented himself on the current camp set up.

Outside the humidity of the trailer, the evening air was crisp and smelled like frost. He breathed as deeply as he could, getting the cold air down into his lungs, into his chest, hoping it would quiet a beast that was not really there. That it would still the fading memories of his dreams. On exhaling his breath lingered as mist, hovering around his face before finally dissipating into the darkness. 

In the distance Caleb could see tiny red lights where some of the other members of the troop were up smoking a late cigarette. A glance at the stars confirmed it was a very late cigarette, they were in the early morning hours, but given the time of year still some time from sunrise. He didn't want to go back into the trailer, back into the confines of his bunk. Caleb didn't even bother to lie to himself, he knew precisely where he wanted to be. 

Mollymauk's trailer wasn't lit but that didn't mean he was alone. "Frumpkin, go and check on Mr. Tealeaf, please. Is it quiet?" He whispered these instructions to his familiar, watching the cat disappear into the darkness as he obeyed. 

Since borrowing Mollymauk's clothing once, Caleb had continued to borrow occasional pieces, coming to own some that the carnival barker claimed looked better on the wizard than they ever had on him. Caleb finished buckling his holster around his chest and burrowed deep into a heavy sweater to warm up. It still had the slightest, lingering smell of Mollymauk on it and he took comfort in that. 

"What did you find, mm?" Caleb picked Frumpkin up when the cat returned, resting his forehead against his. Purring and kneading at the knitting, Frumpkin reported Mollymauk's trailer to be silent. He glanced at the shape of it, darker than the surrounding darkness. He didn't know what he would do if Mollymauk had company. 

He gently dropped Frumpkin, giving the cat his thigh to use to vault down onto the ground rather than dropping him directly from shoulder height. Caleb didn't lace his boots up and walked around the far side of the trailer, not really wanting to be seen by the troop members out smoking. This route took longer and gave Caleb just enough time to second guess what he was doing and try to talk himself into returning to his own trailer, to his own sweat-soaked sheets, and his own nightmares and the beast. He'd just determined that his terrors at night were the better choice than this uneasiness only to find he was at Mollymauk's door, hand raised to knock.

Caleb just barely brushed the door with his knuckles, then rapped softly. 

It was silent and Caleb felt both relief and disappointment that it didn't seem Mollymauk was in. But then the door swung open, revealing Mollymauk in a silk robe, sleepy-eyed and his hair sticking up in odd directions. Caleb permitted himself one slow look down the exposed portion of his chest before strictly returning his eyes to Mollymauk's face.

"Caleb?" He sounded confused as much as anything else. 

"Are you- busy?" Caleb asked. "May we come in?"

"We? Ah Frumpkin," Mollymauk looked down just as the jaunty shape of Frumpkin's tail slipped around his ankles and into the trailer. Caleb wanted in; Frumpkin could feel that and followed the unspoken desire. "No, just busy with sleep. Come in."

One knot loosened in Caleb's chest at the same time a different knot tightened in his stomach. He climbed the steps into Mollymauk's trailer and slipped his boots off by the entrance as the door closed behind him. One quick, surreptitious glance confirmed the bed was empty. 

"I am sorry, I should go. You were sleeping," Caleb stopped with his boots in his hands, really ready to leave if Mollymauk made any indication he would prefer him gone.

"Stay." A warm hand found Caleb's wrist, guiding him to place the boots down on the ground. "I was sleeping and now you're here. My night is improving." 

Caleb looked up at him after releasing the boots, struggling to see his face in the dimly lit trailer. At least his eyes had already adjusted to the dark, he could make out the curve of lips, red eyes only dimly glowing, sharp cheekbones. 

"What brings you to me this night, Mister Caleb?" Mollymauk asked. 

Only briefly did Caleb consider not saying anything, but that was probably influenced by his proximity to Mollymauk, the struture of his mouth when he spoke and just how closely Caleb was watching the way he formed words. "Bad um. Bad dream. My trailer seemed very confining."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Mollymauk lifted a hand and stroked the end of one finger along Caleb's beard stubble, left a few days unshaven. 

"Will you help me with my arms?" Caleb asked.

What had almost been flirting turned to focus and Mollymauk shifted his gaze down to Caleb's hands hanging at his sides. "Did you hurt them?" There was already concern in his voice, face shaking off the last vestiges of sleep in case there was an emergency. 

"Nein. Nothing so- well you will see. I would check something." 

Caleb stepped around Mollymauk, away from the wall and the temptation to allow Mollymauk to press him against it. He didn't remove his sweater, preferring the feeling of protection he had from the thicker layer of clothing around his torso. Frumpkin had already made himself comfortable on the bed and Caleb sat beside him, running a hand down the cat's back while he started to roll his sleeves up. 

"Here, let me," Mollymauk's weight came down on the bed beside Caleb and he took one hand from him. 

Mollymauk's fingers were soft in touching him, calluses scraping across his skin in a way that was pleasant. He pushed the sweater up and out of the way only to have it slide back down. "Can this come off? Is it warm enough in here?"

It was less stuffy than it had been in Caleb's shared trailer, so he shrugged one side of the sweater off. He felt exposed in just the close-fitting purple shirt he wore, how it touched his skin and there was nothing else between him and the world. "Ja, it is fine."

Those deft, clever fingers rolled Caleb's sleeves up to the elbow and started unwinding the bandages he always wore. Often Caleb would wash and reuse bandages but these were fresh, coming off without difficulty. When Mollymauk encountered the first scar, just inside Caleb's wrist, he paused, fingers rubbing the location. 

"It is not- I did not do this," Caleb assured him, not making eye contact. 

"I'm hardly the one to condemn self-inflicted wounds, but I'm glad to hear that." 

Mollymauk lifted Caleb's hand and wrist and Caleb thought he was about to inspect the old injury. Instead Mollymauk brushed the inside of his wrist with his lips, kissing the scar and sending electricity up his arm. It was like the most intense echo; Mollymauk's lips soft and warm and Caleb sitting upright with a start. 

"Is that okay?" Mollymauk asked, looking up at him through his lashes and the messy bit of hair hanging over his face. His eyes were soft and entreating, hand still holding the whole wrist but otherwise not moving without Caleb's permission. 

Caleb swallowed, caught in Mollymauk's red eyes. His voice broke when he spoke, coming out fractured in the middle of a single syllable. "Ja."

In the darkness, Caleb could see the flash of Mollymauk's sharp teeth when he smiled. He returned to unwrapping Caleb's arm, pausing over each new scar and rubbing it first with one calloused finger and then following it with the soft brush of his lips. It did a lot for driving anything else from Caleb's mind but the soft touch and he was disconcerted when Mollymauk stopped at the elbow. Caleb's shirt didn't roll any higher and he decided clothes were antiquated and why were they in the way right now?

"Turn, I'll get the other side," Mollymauk instructed. 

Caleb finished getting out of his sweater as he brought his legs up onto the bed, turning so that his opposite arm was facing Mollymauk this time. "I think there is something dangerous inside me."

Mollymauk was rolling his other sleeve up but glanced up toward his face, hands pausing in their work. "Didn't you tell me powers aren't bad, it's how we use them that determines who we are or if we're cursed?"

"Don't use my own words against me," Caleb chided, but there was no sting behind his words. 

“I can make no such promise,” Mollymauk said. His hands and his eyes returned to Caleb’s arm and he started to remove the bandages. “Tell me about this danger.”

Before he spoke, Caleb watched Mollymauk’s hands work. How he rolled the bandages as he went and the way he brushed the first scar on Caleb’s wrist, identical to the one on the other arm, with his fingers. To spare himself some embarrassment, because he knew his voice would show something, Caleb closed his eyes to enjoy the brush of Mollymauk’s lips rather than speak while he kissed him.

“When I was young,” Caleb began, his brows drawing together while he thought back. “My parents found that I had a rare skill. I was capable of simple spells. They were enormously proud of me but we were too poor for them to send me to the academy.”

Though Mollymauk was still unwrapping his arms, he didn’t interrupt by kissing new scars as they were revealed. Caleb stopped and turned his head to catch Mollymauk’s red eyes and imperiously held his arm out.

“Yes of course Liebchen, your wish is my command,” Mollymauk said with a warm laugh in his words and voice. 

Caleb’s heart did a flip on hearing the Zemnian pet name in Mollymauk’s brogue, and there was no stopping a stupid, goofy smile. Mollymauk took his demands seriously, lips soft against the skin while he kissed each scar. 

“Better?” he asked, smiling up the length of Caleb’s arm, head still bowed over the pale skin.

“Ja,” Caleb murmured, meeting his eyes and getting lost there.

“They match, no?” Mollymauk asked.

“Perfectly.” Caleb appreciated the opening back into his story. “We- I was offered a chance to enroll in a program where I could learn the intricacies of advanced magic under the tutelage of one of the greatest wizards living in our time. Trent Ikithon.” 

He paused but there was neither reaction from Mollymauk nor recognition of the name in his eyes. Mollymauk was listening to him, his attention focused on Caleb’s face and words.

“And that’s who did this?” Mollymauk asked, tracing the network of scars. 

“I do not understand everything the crystals were meant to do, or what else may have been placed inside me then,” Caleb said.

“This has to do with your dreams?” he asked, picking carefully chosen questions and speaking in his soft, quiet voice.

“What if it was more than magic and crystals that he put inside my arms?” Caleb asked, finally getting to the things that haunted his sleep. “I don’t remember everything that happened to me at that school, what if there is an evil sleeping inside me that is not something I can control?”

He’d turned toward Mollymauk as he spoke, seeking his reassuring, warm red eyes. In the time since Caleb had come to the trailer, he had somehow forgotten that he was wearing little more than a silk robe. Very quickly he was reminded of this, eyes traveling down the scars on Mollymauk’s throat and chest, the way a few peacock feathers emerged from the right side of his ribs. Further down the lean muscles of his stomach made Caleb’s own belly tighten. The open front of his robe cut off abruptly where it was loosely tied at the waist. Caleb could see far enough down to confirm one thing he’d been wondering ever since he’d started borrowing clothes from Mollymauk. As far as Caleb could see, and he could see a lot, Mollymauk was clean shaven and completely hairless down his chest and stomach and possibly lower.

Caleb’s mouth was so dry, his face getting warm all over again while he couldn’t quite find the will to lift his eyes back up to Mollymauk’s face.

“Caleb?”

Mollymauk’s voice brought Caleb back to himself and his eyes snapped up to his face. That he’d been staring so long and so blatantly was mortifying and Caleb began to pull his arm away while trying to think of an excuse. He had to go.

“Liebchen, please stay. I’ll put on a shirt, a full suit and tie if that will make you comfortable.” Mollymauk tightened his hold on Caleb’s arm, not enough to actually prevent him leaving if he chose, just enough to slow his initial flight reflex. “I don’t own a snowsuit but I can ask around.”

The sound was weak and more than a little manic but Calenb laughed quietly. It was hard to imagine Mollymauk in a snowsuit but the mental image was enough to break his shock. He had no doubts that he would find something if Caleb asked. Once or twice Caleb opened his mouth, trying to think of the right thing to say, if there was anything to be said. With Mollymauk looking at him and Caleb just trying not to think of Beauregard’s gesture for sex, he couldn’t come up with anything.

Instead, Caleb closed the gap between them, climbing onto Mollymauk’s lap and taking him firmly by the cheeks to kiss him. Warm hands found the small of his back and guided him closer. Caleb didn’t know he would be so hot against his skin, even through his shirt. His hands wound up into Mollymauk’s hair. He stopped abruptly when they ran into something hard and solid toward the top of his head, just above the hair. 

“Molly,” he said, leaning back slightly and trusting the warm hands to keep holding him up.

“Mmm?” Red eyes turned up to him and a slow, playful smile curled Mollymauk’s lips.

“Do you have horns?” Caleb sat up slightly to run fingers through his hair to expose scalp until he found short horns hidden beneath. 

“You’re telling me you don’t?

Caleb laughed, stroking his fingers along the base of the horn. There was a tension in Mollymauk that he could feel where their bodies were pressed together. That tension grew, tightening, with the touch of his fingers. He repeated the gesture, enjoying the sensation and illusion of control it gave him. He dropped back down onto Mollymauk’s lap, hooking one finger into the curve of each horn to angle his head down to return to kissing.

“Caleb, Liebchen,” Mollymauk broke away this time, hands still solid and warm on Caleb’s back. “What would you like?”

Breathing hard, Caleb brought his hands down to Mollymauk’s shoulders, enjoying the feel of bare skin beneath them. “What do you mean?”

“Should we return to this important conversation? Would you like to continue kissing and then sleep? Is there more you would like to ask for?” His voice was husky in his throat. “We should decide before one of us goes too far and we both regret it.”

“I don’t know,” Caleb said honestly. “I am sure whatever you want is-”

Mollymauk shook his head. “What you want matters, Mister Caleb.”

He looked away, up to the ceiling to try and hide his eyes suddenly burning. It was the first time anyone had said it in such a way. School had never been a choice even though he had initially wanted to go. The scars on his arms had been someone else’s decision even though he’d never said no. Even joining the circus, Nott had wanted to and so Caleb had gone along with it. 

“Ja. I don’t have words though. I haven’t- I don’t know how much I want,” Caleb explained, searching for words and uncertain if he’d found the right ones.

“Then we will see how far you wish to go, ja?”

They held one another’s gaze for several beats of Caleb’s racing heart before he nodded. Mollymauk tightened his hold on Caleb and rolled him onto the bed so they could both discover what Caleb wanted.

It turned out to be everything.

Caleb woke up drenched in sunlight and stretched out on his stomach. Someone had pulled the curtains back but the windows were high on the walls of the trailer so no one could look in and see he was absolutely naked. He stretched, luxuriating in the sun and muscles sore in ways he wasn’t accustomed to. He’d fallen asleep, eventually, but his sleep had been deep and he couldn’t recall any dreams. Turning his head to the side, there was Mollymauk, sitting in the bed with a book in his hands.

“Good morning,” Mollymauk smiled down at him, one hand reaching over to card through Caleb’s hair. 

The wizard squinted at the angle of the sun. “Barely, it’s almost noon.” 

“You were tired,” he answered with a wicked little grin. 

With a soft laugh, Caleb turned his face toward Mollymauk’s hand. 

“Still okay?” Mollymauk asked, closing his book in order to pay better attention to the man in bed with him.

Caleb curled onto his side toward him, smiling. “Ja.”

“I don’t want to interrupt your peace,” he started, and his tone indicated he was likely to do so anyway.

“What is it?” 

“You never quite finished your story last night. About um, Trent Ikithon,” Mollymauk said. 

A glance confirmed that the book in Mollymauk’s hand was a book on crystals; Caleb usually assumed most new age books were mostly full of shit but after their conversation last night he would not have been surprised if Mollymauk just happened to own a real book on the magical properties of crystals. 

“This is the pillow talk, ja? You are terrible at it,” Caleb grumbled. 

Mollymauk heartily laughed and it was such a good sound. It did nothing for the awful tension in his shoulders brought on by the professor’s name, but Caleb gathered that sound to remember later. 

“No, this is not pillow talk. Pillow talk is when I tell you that you were wonderful. You’re a quick study on a lot of things aren’t you?” Mollymauk smiled indulgently while he spoke, fingers stroking down Caleb’s ribs and down to his bare hip. 

He could feel himself turning red but he didn’t bother to hide his face for once. “Well, when I have a good teacher it is easy to learn.”

“See, that is pillow talk. This is… an important conversation we put a pin in last night. Evil magicians and beasts possibly locked inside us. Tell me more of your dreams, Caleb. We can continue to wait but I cannot help with you with Ikithon if I do not hear the story.”

“I need pants first.” Caleb pushed himself up with a little groan. “Maybe a shower.”

That Mollymauk wanted to help, no questions asked, left Caleb dizzy with relief. He was strong and capable and had managed so much more than Caleb ever had. With Mollymauk’s help of course he could do something about Ikithon, about the danger that still followed in his wake. 

“Go ahead,” Mollymauk picked up his book again but his eyes followed Caleb. 

Feeling a little modest, Caleb picked up the discarded silk robe where it had ended up on the floor, wrapping it around himself. “We’re not holding anyone up, are we?” he asked, tying the sash at his waist.

“No, we are at this stop for another evening while we rest before pushing on to our next performance. It’ll be winter soon and we’ll disperse to find places to winter over at that point.” His explanation made sense but Caleb could feel his own face cloud over. “Caleb, we can find a place together. Both trailers, if you like. I like Beau and I like Nott when she is not threatening to stab me.”

“Did she? I thought told her that we weren’t stabbing anyone,” Caleb asked.

Again, Mollymauk laughed. “I don’t think she really meant it. She was making sure I hadn’t taken advantage of you. Did she mean it?”

Caleb shrugged, not sure of the answer himself. “Maybe. I have found she is an agent of mayhem when it suits her. And that includes stabbing someone. But just a little.” He was smiling though, extremely fond of the little goblin girl under the circumstances. Maybe he could become familiar with people looking out for his best interests. Who valued him for whatever reason he couldn’t begin to understand. 

“Shower. I will be here when you get back,” Mollymauk suggested. 

He collected clothes to change into after getting cleaned up, having gotten accustomed and comfortable with regular showers and clean clothing. He had nearly free reign of Mollymauk’s closet and was more than happy to take advantage of it. “Will this do?” 

“That’s a good color for you.” He looked up from his book and to the shirt Caleb held. “It’s bright though.”

“I feel bright,” Caleb answered. He turned with the change of clothing in his hands and walked to the tiny closet of a bathroom. One glance over his shoulder confirmed that Mollymauk had not returned to his book but was freely enjoying the view. 

Caleb emerged in a cloud of steam, wearing a brightly colored shirt paired with tight, dark jeans that he knew Molly liked the look of him in. “One of these days, when I’ve gotten a few more shows under my belt, I really should build my own wardrobe of flamboyant shirts. Yours are far too flammable.”

Mollymauk made space for Caleb on the bed, his book closing again but this time with a thumb inserted between the pages. “You said last night that you don’t remember everything at the school you want to.”

“Right into it, huh?” Caleb sat on the bed, gently moving Frumpkin aside. Thinking about it, Caleb wasn’t sure where his familiar had disappeared to last night, but Frumpkin had reappeared and was soaking up as much sunlight as possible. He pulled his legs up so he could face Mollymauk across from him, hands fidgeting with the cuffs of his borrowed shirt. “Ja. I’m sure it was not a singular experience there were other students at the time.”

“Is this the school? Rexxentrum Academy?” Mollymauk opened the book to a black and white image where his finger had been preventing the book from closing completely.

Heart still in his chest, Caleb reached over to take the book from him. The photograph of the school was very familiar though he hadn’t been there in over five years. It was a brick building but with a tower built in one of the corners, intentionally reminiscent of a wizard’s tower. He’d spent a lot of years there and since leaving wasted a lot of regrets and time thinking about it. He put his finger in the book to mark where he was and tuned the book to look at the cover. Infinity in Quartz by Trent Ikithon.

“Where did you get this?” Caleb asked. The book was hard cover and he didn’t move his finger but flipped through the dust jacket to find the author portrait. Trent Ikithon half-smiled back at him from the inside, younger than he remembered him being, less bald. But the expression was the same, as though he knew something the viewer did not and that would be their undoing.

“Someone left it on the steps overnight,” Mollymauk responded. “Sometimes if a book is good we’ll pass it around like that but I think this is different. It’s not actually a good book, it’s pretty pretentious.” 

Caleb turned back to the picture of the academy, scrutinizing it more closely now that the initial shock of seeing it was over. The trees were smaller than he recalled them being and the addition building on the side had not been built yet. “What a terrible book title.”

“Yes, well,” Mollymauk said this with a shrug and didn’t reach to take the book back from him. “It’s a bit old and out of date, but we’re not actually that far from Rexxentrum.”

Blue eyes snapped up from the book to Mollymauk’s face at the second mention of the school. By foot they were days away but he supposed with the trailer it was much less. “That is a very dangerous suggestion.”

“Looking for answers is always dangerous,” was his answer. 

“Why are you invested in my answers when you don’t show any interest in your own.” Caleb returned his eyes to looking at the old photograph rather than watching Mollymauk for signs he knew Ikithon or the academy. 

Mollymauk shrugged and Caleb could just see the movement in his peripheral vision. “My past does not haunt me. I want your past to leave you so that you can actually live for a future instead of continuing the serve events that have long passed. Caleb, I- well you shouldn’t do this for me, but do you want to be on the run forever?”

“Nein,” Caleb shook his head. “I want to have a- a future.” He couldn’t look up as he said this, afraid his face would give everything away. He wanted a future with- He certainly wanted a future that involved Mollymauk. Putting his thoughts into anything more concrete than that was too daunting a task at the moment. 

“Good. It’s all for nothing if this is just because I want you to be free of these fears and you’re only doing so to please me. What you want is important, remember?”

“I remember, Wicht,” Caleb answered quietly. 

A tiny peek over the top of the book showed that Mollymauk was smiling at him. It wasn’t the same smile that had made Caleb’s heart race and think of all the possibilities within Mollymauk’s embrace. It was gentle and pleasant and made Caleb warm as though he’d been wrapped in a blanket. He liked that smile, liked that it was directed at him. 

“Should we go after the next show?” Caleb asked, drawing up his mental map of the area. “Or should we meet the rest of the family at the show. Nott will not let us go alone and I don’t think Beauregard has ever hesitated to get involved in someone else’s business. She will follow us even if we manage to leave her behind.”

“I think it is better to go now rather than wait. But… I also think it’s better if it’s just the two of us. I want to look around that school and it’s easier if it’s just us.” Mollymauk stretched and Caleb realized he was still quite naked. 

“I think they will believe it if we say that we are going to uh,” Caleb tried to find words and ended up blushing. “Pound shoes together.”

“What?”

“What?” Caleb tried to trace back some of the euphemisms Beauregard had been using. 

“Caleb Widogast, are you suggesting we tell the entire circus we are going to shack up together?” Mollymauk asked. He looked positively delighted by this, such a smile brightening his face. 

Caleb’s face flushed warm and he wiped the first bit of sweat from his neck. “Well, I guess everyone thinks we have been and now, now we are…” he trailed off, trying to think of a phrase in the common language rather than a far more eloquent term in Zemnian. 

“Knocking boots?” Mollymauk grinned as he said this. 

“No, gross,” Caleb laughed.

“Laying some pipe?”

“Oh stop.”

Mollymauk moved, crossing the wide bed to Caleb and kissing him as he continued. “Rolling in the hay?”

“There isn’t even any hay.” Caleb was having trouble controlling his laughter and pulled Mollymauk into a kiss while dropping onto his back with him on top. 

They kissed, the world starting to fade into warmth and an awareness that was limited to Mollymauk’s warm skin and the feel of his tongue seeking out Caleb’s.

“Bumping uglies?” Mollymauk asked.

Caleb laughed and pushed his hand into Mollymauk’s face. “You are incorrigible.”

“And I like when you laugh.” 

He bent down to kiss Caleb again only to be interrupted by the door flying open. Whoever was on the other side had knocked but let only the briefest window possible for either of them to respond. Beauregard walked into the trailer and grinned, every inch of her the cat in the cream. She didn’t seem bothered in the least walking in on Mollymauk naked and positioned over Caleb on the bed, clearly in the middle of something, even if she didn’t know what that something was.

“So, you two finally doing the bump and grind?” she asked.

Her expression of being pleased with herself faded when both Mollymauk and Caleb exploded into laughter rather than being embarrassed by the question. But she was still smiling, just pleased to have two of her friends be ridiculous and happy. 

“Yeah okay, whatever,” her tone was irritated but her smile was genuine. “Gustav wanted me to come let you know the fair we were going to cancelled because of snow. Yeah, snow, what the fuck, am I right? Me and Nott and Yasha were wondering if you wanted to go, well Nott suggested it and then she pretended not to, like we’d believe her someone else said it. Anyway, I think she wants to go to Felderwin but she says only if the rest of us make her go but she was definitely seeing how long it would take on a map.”

“Yasha’s coming with?” Mollymauk asked. He sat up and pulled a sheet over his lap with more grace than Caleb could have hoped for in similar circumstances. 

“Yeah well Caleb doesn’t need his bunk anymore if you two are you know,” she made a crude gesture again and clicked her tongue. “You are. Aren’t you?”

“Beauregard, I do not kiss and tell,” Caleb said, trying to sound quite serious.

“No but for real. I need. Someone needs to be getting laid around here. I know I said- I’m not actually getting any and I just want to know if you are. C’mon man. Don’t leave me hanging,” Beauregard glared at both of them while Mollymauk silently laughed. 

“What about Keg?” Mollymauk asked. 

“The bearded lady?” Beauregard asked. Her olive skin didn’t easily show she was blushing but her face warmed when she smiled. “Well.” But then she seemed to remember the two of them looking at her and scowled at the both of them. “Decide what you want to do, Nott says she’s sleeping under your bed if you don’t come with us. Good luck getting your groove on then.”

Considering her work done and the message delivered, Beauregard turned on her heel and let the door slam shut behind her. 

Caleb and Mollymauk’s eyes met and they both weakly giggled before getting control over themselves. After a moment Caleb picked himself back up into a sitting position, supporting himself with his arms behind his back. “What do you think?”

“Of Felderwin? It’s as good as anywhere. We could spend winter there, if you want to. I mean.” Mollymauk looked like he was trying not to be too eager, smiling broadly and then remembering to dial it back a notch.

“Mollymauk Tealeaf, are you excited about the idea of spending the winter with me?” Caleb asked. “Or are you just avoiding Nott building a nest under your trailer.” 

Mollymauk shrugged. “Can’t it be both? Felderwin sounds good to me. My trailer is always open to you.”

Caleb savored the feeling of being wanted, tempered by the knowledge that it could all be an illusion. Mollymauk was drawn to the power trapped under Caleb’s skin, trapped in his chest, power that might not even be his own and he didn’t know how to control. What if it did break free? But he savored the feeling, holding onto something good in place of lingering on the what if of negativity. At least for the time being. 

“We should detour by Rexxentrum,” Caleb said. He was never going to know what he actually meant to Mollymauk without going there. A changeling at least was mildly human enough he might be able to understand him; he was less certain of knowing what he was to Essek, but it was also the step in the right direction for him. 

“Good, I think so too. I’ll talk to Yasha and figure something out. Maybe send them ahead to scout out a place to winter,” Mollymauk stood from where he’d been sitting on the bed, beautiful in his lack of modesty and how comfortable in his skin he was. Caleb permitted himself to enjoy the view, tracing some of his tattoos with his eyes.

“Did you know you’re a changeling?” Caleb asked, voicing something he’d thought was obvious but had gradually realized was not. 

“What?” Mollymauk laughed, incredulous at the news.

“With the horns and the- well I thought you knew but you wouldn’t remember if you had discovered this before, would you?” Caleb asked.

“You believe me?” Mollymauk’s eyes were serious while he pulled ridiculous pants on, striped on one side and checked on the other and as tight as a second skin. 

“Ja. Have you ever noticed an aversion to certain materials. Iron, say? I still mean it that I will burn you if I find out you’ve lied to me. But I believe you,” Caleb told him, being honest with the both of them. 

“I had my suspicions, but… it’s good to know. It’s a relief, actually. What else do you know about me?” They had avoided talking about the night Caleb had been kidnapped and what Caleb had learned. 

Caleb brought his legs back around to the ground, reaching over to stroke a hand down Frumpkin’s fur. “You used to be a man named Lucien. I meant it when I said we have not met before, at least that I can remember. But you- Um. Essek warned me that you betrayed his Court, his Queen. Working with Trent Ikithon. Not you, Lucien did.”

Mollymauk sat heavily on an empty chair while Caleb spoke, understanding darkening his eyes and it hurt Caleb to see the sadness working into his face. “Oh.”

“I’m sorry. I thought. I know you do not have an interest in your past but if we’re going to Rexxentrum this is relevant, ja?” 

“Gods, Caleb. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Mollymauk’s voice sounded broken and he put a hand over his face. 

“Molly, Molly listen to me.” Caleb crossed the trailer to him and knelt on the floor, peering up at the changeling and gently prying his hands from his face. “Wicht, please. You are not Lucien.”

“This- Essek. He is the elf who..?” Mollymauk asked. His voice didn’t harbor envy or jealousy, and his red eyes locked onto Caleb’s face. 

“Ja. He warned me because he knew you before. He knew Lucien but he does not know Mollymauk,” Caleb stroked his fingers along Mollymauk’s cheeks and found his hands, winding their fingers together. 

“There’s so much- so much we should talk about and Lucien is only one of the things. You should know that I'm not really the type to commit to a single person. I should have told you that before we ever-” Mollymauk’s attention shifted slightly toward the bed behind Caleb but was drawn back when Caleb squeezed his hands to interrupt.

“I know this, Wicht, I don’t even know where my own heart lies but I know that I care about you. A lot,” he explained, not sure what were the words he wanted that would explain. He’d known Mollymauk wasn’t with any singular person, he had entertained more than a few when they had been stopped in town for their last performance. “It is something we will have to talk about after Rexxentrum. When we are both looking toward the future and not- not trapped in the past.”

Mollymauk smiled down at him, a little weak and still tinged with melancholy. “Alright. Relationship conversation after we discover what beast lies sleeping in your chest, Liebchen.” 

“I like that,” Caleb said abruptly. His spate of honesty wasn’t over and he smiled up at Mollymauk, tightening his hands. 

“Relationship conversations?” he sounded baffled when he asked this. 

“Nein. When you call me Liebchen, where did you learn it?” Caleb asked. 

“A book,” Mollymauk said with a smile. “I like to read.”

“Now that,” Caleb said, straightening up toward kissing range. “Is the sexiest thing anyone has ever said to me.”

Mollymauk laughed, warm and affectionate, and leaned down to meet him for a kiss. “Then wait here, Liebchen, the book by Ikithon is over there if you would like to read something while I speak with Yasha.” 

Caleb nodded, extracting himself from where he had settled between Mollymauk’s legs and getting up onto his feet. Mollymauk finished getting dressed, a close-fitting t-shirt and his brightly colored coat over the top of it all. He smiled at Caleb before letting himself out of the trailer. For a brief moment Caleb thought he might settle to read the book, fairly certain Essek had left it for their benefit. Who else would leave a book by Ikithon on their doorstep? But it was dawning realization that he was thinking of the trailer as being both of theirs and Caleb also realized what scant belongings he had were in the trailer he’d been sharing with Nott and Beau. They, or at least Beau, seemed to have sorted out that he was moving trailers but Nott deserved to hear it from Caleb.

“Are you coming?” Caleb asked, looking to where Frumpkin was curled in a ball in the center of the bed. His familiar lifted his head and blinked slowly before curling tighter with his tail over his nose. “Very well.”

He pulled a sweater on to hide his holstered books and stepped out of the trailer as well. Outside the trailer the crisp night air of the night before had gotten colder. The sunlight he had been enjoying felt weak with the chill air and no glass to protect him from it. In the distance heavy clouds were headed their direction, looking heavy with snow if Caleb was to guess. Gustav was probably correct, it was going to snow soon and any town they were headed to was unlikely to have an interest in a carnival like theirs. There wasn’t enough to keep the chill away.

Caleb shoved his hands into his pockets and walked the distance to Nott’s trailer, exchanging a nod with Yasha in passing where she was talking to Mollymauk. It was nice to be treated like one of the group, like family. He just hoped that his changing relationship with Mollymauk, finding out what lay waiting for him in Rexxentrum, wouldn’t change that. 

He let himself into the familiar trailer and Nott was sitting on Beauregard’s workout bench, toying with a few glass vials. The little tip of her pink tongue sticking out of her mouth while she concentrated brought a smile to his face. He didn’t interrupt until she had capped both vials. 

“Will those explode or burn?” Caleb asked, sitting on the edge of his bunk.

“Not sure yet,” Nott’s wide smile told him the mystery was part of the appeal. 

“So. What’s in Felderwin?” Caleb asked. They were alone, or seemed to be.

Nott put her vials into her jacket front before answering. “You mentioned when we met that you didn’t think this was what I should look like.”

“Ja, you have avoided telling me any more details than that. It iss your choice if you want to be-”

“No, I- I don’t want to be this. You see… I have a family in Felderwin. A husband. And our boy, Luc. I haven’t seen them in so long,” Nott said all of this in a rush, her big eyes bright in the interior of the trailer. 

“Nott that- that is a lot,” Caleb said, feeling a bit like Mollymauk may have when he’d told him about Lucien. He’d known she was keeping secrets, but he had never imagined something on this scale. “But how did you become this. Or is your family also goblin?”

Nott shook her head. “They’re not goblins, I’m not a goblin”

Caleb folded his hands in front of himself, eyes settling on Nott. “How did you become a little goblin girl, Nott?”

She blinked those big eyes at Caleb, mouth twisting like she had tasted something unpleasant.

“Nott, if you are not a goblin, do you wish to stay like this? As a goblin?”

“No!” Her voice broke more than usual, the answer forceful enough to startle them both.

“Then please, let me help you,” Caleb used his hands for emphasis until he realized it meant he was talking like Beauregard. “Nott, you said that I would be able to save you. You have to let me.”

“I found something I shouldn’t have,” Nott said, glancing down at her hands and then back up at Caleb.

“Found?” Caleb asked. This time he used his hands deliberately, making air quotes around the word ‘found’. “As you ‘found’ the button right off my coat?”

“Well no one was using it, so I thought it couldn’t hurt. What was the harm?” She shrugged skinny shoulders and, even with her manifestation as a goblin, didn’t seem very contrite.

“What did you steal?” he asked, not bothering to mince words or make it sound prettier than it was.

“Found.” She repeated, sounding adamant. “I- It couldn’t have been very important. And there was a fellow. He was willing to pay a lot for fey silver.”

Caleb scrubbed his face with his hand, suppressing a groan. “What did you need so much money for?”

“Caleb, I’m a mother. If the boy was ever going to go to a nice school, we needed to pay for it somehow. My husband is brilliant but he’s a more academic mind than business and money has always been tight.” She sounded earnest when she talked about her family and it made Caleb smile, even if he felt a little lonely at the idea of her going back to her family. She should, but the idea of it still left Caleb feeling empty. 

“Alright. Tell me about the item and how you found it,” Caleb tried a different angle. Perhaps if he could determine what was stolen and from whom, the curse on Nott could be lifted.

“Just outside of Felderwin there’s an old ruin, and they say there’s a fairy mound beneath it,” Nott said. “That’s why I knew the silver was valuable, there’s a salesman that comes through to see if we have anything to trade. Every spring.”

“Do many people make a living like this?” Caleb had to ask. Surely someone would have heard of something if people kept turning into goblins or going missing in Felderwin.

Nott shrugged. “Not really. It’s a small town in the grand scheme of the Empire. But I’ve always been small and a bit odd and very good at getting into or out of places I don’t belong. It was just one coin but it would have been enough money to make a scholarship for the boy.”

“And this coin was just lying in plain sight, waiting to be found?”

“Yes!” Nott said. “I told you I found it. I found it in a pool.”

He leaned against the side of the bunk, considering her story. “And then you were just a goblin, poof.”

“Someone grabbed me.” She shook her head before saying this. “I was pushed beneath the water and I drowned. I remember the water going in my nose and my lungs, I remember thinking I would never see my family again. Caleb I can remember dying. And then I was this. I know- at least, I think I know, that I haven’t always been Nott, the little goblin girl. Have I?”

“Oh, Nott,” Caleb’s heart went to her; Nott’s voice trembled while she related the story of being drowned. He knew she had a fear of water, but he hadn’t known where it stemmed from. “Come here, come sit with me and we can sort this out, ja?”

She made a face but was up on her feet quickly, padding over to Caleb’s bunk and leaning against his side once she’d climbed up on it. 

“I know that you are Nott the little goblin girl now, but I can feel that you have not always been so. If there is a way to get you back, I will find it.” Caleb was trying to be reassuring, which was unusual because that was usually Nott’s role in their relationship.

“Are you really going to move in with Molly?”

“Does that bother you?” he asked, putting an arm around her skinny shoulders. 

“No, not if you’re safe and happy with him. You are, aren’t you? No need for a little stabby stabby?” 

“No, there is no need for stabbing anyone. And it is not as though we will not be seeing one another all winter, ja? You will be so tired of me by spring when we find Gustav again. What do you want to do about your family?” Caleb kept an eye on her as he talked.

“I just want to make sure they’re okay. I- I wrote a letter to Yeza before we left the last town but he probably thought I was dead until now. I’d like to talk to him. But the boy is too young to understand that his mother looks this horrible now,” Nott sounded a strange and complicated mixture of hope and sadness when she talked about her family.

“And Yeza is your husband?” Caleb clarified.

“He’s the best man in Felderwin,” she said. It was interesting to watch her face change from morose to a bright smile that curled her thin lips back to reveal jagged teeth. He’d gotten used to her goblin face and her lantern eyes, and he could see her smile as a good thing rather than the intimidating gesture it could easily be mistaken for. 

“Then we should get you back to him as soon as possible,” he said.

Nott looked up at him. “But who will take care of you?”

He laughed, trying to cover sudden embarrassment and pleasure that she would be concerned about him. “Well I will be traveling with family. And we will come through Felderwin as often as we can.”

“But Caleb, I can’t stay with them if I look like this.” She waved a hand at herself, gesturing head to toe. 

“Then we will find a way to break this curse. Do you remember what the coin looked like? Or the fountain, I have connections in the Wild, perhaps he will know how to help.” He paused, thinking. “What was your name before you were Nott? If I may ask.”

“Veth Brenatto,” she answered. 

“Would you like if it I called you Veth?”

She smiled, so pleased at the question and turning pink at the tips of her long ears. “Not yet. If- I mean, when we break this curse, then maybe. But I’m Nott, not Veth for now.” 

“Alright Nott. But you may change your mind and I will do my best,” Caleb smiled at her. 

“Beau said something about splitting up?” Nott asked.

“Only for a short time. There is a place that Mollymauk and I would like to investigate,” Caleb answered. “It should not be dangerous, it is a school.”

She looked skeptical. “Maybe I should come with you, as a chaperone.”

Caleb laughed. “We are not going just to have alone time, there are two separate trailers for that. We will simply be going further east than Felderwin and then traveling back down to return to you.”

“I still think you need a chaperone. Yeza and I only held hands until we were properly married,” she said.

“Really?” Caleb blinked.

Nott laughed, giving his arm a tiny shove. “Of course not. I’m glad you’re happy though. I’m happy that you’ve found someone.”

Feeling very aware of a conversation he had promised Mollymauk in the future, Caleb smiled back at her. She was right that he was happy though, he just wanted it to last. Few things he wanted to last ever did.

“So you do not mind that we are going separate ways? Temporarily of course,” he added, tempering the idea of parting. It would happen eventually, but the thought of it made Caleb want to hold on tighter.

“Yes, as long as you are careful. I’ll make sure Molly knows that if anything happens to you he’ll be getting a little stabby stabby from me,” Nott said.

“Pretty sure he already knows that, Nott.”

By evening it was snowing. 

Caleb had moved what little possessions he had to Mollymauk’s trailer. Even if the change was temporary, only meant for the journey to Rexxentrum and then to Felderwin, he still felt shy about the mingling of his things in the other trailer. Which was foolish, he’d been borrowing clothing from the man since the day he had joined the carnival, their things being mixed together was nothing new. But Caleb bringing his things into Mollymauk’s space was new. 

The rest of the carnival had exchanged information and plans to meet up and check in over the winter, dispersing in every direction from where they had been gathered. Caleb stood in the space between Beauregard’s and Mollymauk’s trailers, watching the snow fall in the lights above their doorways. It was beautiful and the snowfall light enough they would be able to make some headway on their journey if they left before morning.

Beauregard and Nott had already renamed their trailer to The Clam Jam and declared no dicks were permitted on the premises; Yasha hadn’t seemed to mind and found the name funny. Mollymauk threatened to rename his trailer and had been bouncing ribald names back and forth with Beauregard ever since. It didn’t do much to make Caleb feel more like he belonged in either trailer. 

After making sure that all three women were loaded into their trailer and Nott wasn’t a stowaway in Mollymauk’s, Caleb waved them off, watching the snowflakes turn red in the lights at the end of their vehicle. He moved around to the side door of the remaining trailer, knocking before opening it. 

“Permission to come aboard, captain?” he asked, calling into the space.

“Caleb, you know that this is our trailer, right? Not mine, I want you to feel like you’ve a home here,” Mollymauk’s head poked out from the front. 

He’d missed it before, a heavy curtain obscuring the front, driving part of the trailer from the back, living portion. 

Caleb pulled the steps up behind him and closed the door before answering Mollymauk’s inquiry. “Ja it- that will take some time. I am not sure that The Clam Jam was ever very home to me. I have not had a home for a long time now.” 

Mollymauk nodded. “Sure.”

He joined him in the cab of the trailer, checking first to make sure there were two seats. “Do you mind? Have you had enough coffee to take off tonight?”

Patting the passenger seat like an invitation, Mollymauk grinned at him. “Caffeinated enough, yeah. And I’ve got more there in the cup holder. I’m used to driving solo so it’ll be a nice change to have you here.” 

It was pleasing for Caleb to hear he was a positive change for once. The seat was well cushioned and Caleb fell back into it; this was a trailer made for long hauls of travel. He was still a greenhorn, as the more seasoned members of Gustav’s family liked to call him, but he’d experienced enough long days on the road already to know how far these trailers had gone and how far they had to go. 

“Please wake me if I fall asleep,” Caleb said, pulling a seatbelt into place and adjusting it. 

Mollymauk moved his shoulders, non-committal about it. “Is Frumpkin loaded aboard? I mean, I know you can call him but it just seems rude to- oh hey buddy.”

Caleb had called the cat into his lap in the middle of Mollymauk’s wondering about him. Frumpkin wasn’t a typical cat and he would not suffer for being left behind, even temporarily, but it still tickled Caleb that he worried about his familiar. “Ja, we are both ready to go. Frumpkin, please be waking me up if I fall asleep. Someone has to keep Mr. Tealeaf awake so that we can reach Rexxentrum.” 

Frumpkin chirruped his assent, though Caleb had his doubts if his familiar was going to listen to him or to Mollymauk. From the driver’s seat, he leaned over to rub Frumpkin’s ears before starting the vehicle. 

“Everything strapped down?” Mollymauk asked. 

“Seatbelt, Mr. Tealeaf,” Caleb said, giving him the eye.

“Yes, Mister Caleb.” His tone was light and Caleb took reassurance he wasn’t bothered by the demand. 

Soon the lights were on and there was little to be seen in the dark but drifting snowflakes. Caleb did his best to stay awake, pinching his leg and even once stealing a sip of Mollymauk’s coffee only find it was incredibly strong and bitter. It didn’t help that, though Mollymauk kept the cabin cool, Frumpkin was warm and soft against Caleb’s legs and torso. Twice he caught himself nodding off, head drifting down toward his chest and the first time he objected to Mollymauk pointlessly. Mollymauk just pointed out if he was falling asleep so easily he needed it and suggested he could sleep in an actual bed and save himself the neck ache. 

Stubbornly Caleb remained in his seat and fell asleep. So when he woke to weak, filtered morning light with a neck ache, he glared at his empty lap but otherwise didn’t complain. They were no longer driving and the scenery had changed significantly. There were no longer low hills and distant trees, instead the mountains were close and the trees tall and sporting more snow than he recalled seeing when they left. At some point they had pulled into a truck stop and Caleb grumbled while he picked himself out of the passenger seat and moved back into the trailer. 

Mollymauk was beautiful, sprawled on the bed with his head and a quarter of his torso sticking out at angles. Frumpkin had, of course, abandoned Caleb to curl in the blankets with the changeling and Caleb could not blame him. Rather than fight it, he kicked his boots off and slid into the warmed blankets, relaxing into the arms that pulled him closer. 

Within two days they had reached the outskirts of Rexxentrum and parked the trailer a short hike from the town and the school.


	6. In the Halls of the Fae

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caleb and Molly's infiltration of Rexxentrum is interrupted abruptly and they find themselves in Essek's home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is SO LONG but I don't have the energy to figure out where to cut it, haha. I should have called the chapter "If you Give a Wizard a Book" but alas.

“I never would have taken you for someone with such bad circulation,” Mollymauk pointed out, rubbing Caleb’s hands between his two warm ones. 

Caleb shivered from cold rather than any other stimulus. He wore his old, worn coat and a bright scarf in a multitude of colors he had borrowed from Mollymauk. A knitted cap pulled down over his face and a few day’s beard growth would hopefully be enough to make him not look like school youth Caleb. 

“They say that anxiety makes for bad circulation,” he answered, looking past Mollymauk at the school they were just on the edge of the grounds of. 

Mollymauk smiled at him and breathed some warmth into his fingerless gloves. He wore his brilliant coat, looking handsome in the snow, bright like a summer flower. Caleb liked it, could have curled himself inside the warmth he gave off and maybe avoided this task forever if he was given the chance. 

“All the more reason to get this done,” he said with such confidence. 

They were on a short stretch of sidewalk outside the school, nearer to the parking lot than they were to the building. It had continued to snow since they had separated from the rest of the carnival, sometimes so light and fine it didn’t build up. For the last hour it had been coming down in thick, heavy, wet flakes that was now settling on Caleb’s shoulders and the trees in a white blanket. This felt familiar for winter here in Rexxentrum, the school looking like something out of a storybook with the layer of undisturbed snow. 

“Do you think it is winter break? There are no footprints,” Caleb bent and let Frumpkin down from his shoulder where he fell into the snow up to his back. The cat made a disgruntled sound but Caleb quieted him with a thought.

“Could be. Can you see any cameras? I’d prefer not to be caught by the likes of Ikithon, he’ll know my face just as well as yours by the sound of it,” Mollymauk caught his eyes and then looked toward the school.

“Probably. We are probably already on them. Let me find out.” Caleb took Mollymauk’s arm and closed his eyes while he sent his sight and hearing into Frumpkin. “Shake me if I should return to my body, ja?”

From Frumpkin’s perspective, Caleb looked up at where he and Mollymauk were standing. While his consciousness was split between two bodies, his eyes were an eerie, solid pale blue color. He slipped between the bars of the gate guarding the parking lot and made his way through the snow, walking when he could but finding it easier on the feline to jump where the snow was taller than his legs. He had an all new appreciation for human height and human legs for navigating snow as high as this. Working his way around the building took time and Caleb could feel the snow and the cold getting their grip on his actual body. But with Frumpkin’s eyes so keen in the poor lighting of the night, he was able to pick out what he hoped were all the security cameras located around the building. 

“Thank you,” Caleb said, returning to himself and withdrawing his hand from Mollymauk’s arm. 

He raised his arms and made an intricate shape in his hands, drawing a complicated, beautiful mandala out of fire, giving it as many points as there were cameras. Briefly, he held it between both his hands, struggling to hold the power while he directed all the points where he wanted them to go. He released them all at once, lighting their location up so bright and brilliant he could see Mollymauk outlined perfectly in the warm, orange glow of the fire for a second. Fire streaked away from them and he buzzed when it was gone, energized by casting the magic even if he was cold once again now that it was sent away.

“That was impressive,” Mollymauk said. “I haven’t seen you work this much magic before. Your fire breathing is impressive but this is something else, isn’t it?” 

“Good or bad impressive?” Caleb asked, thinking he knew the answer but wanting to hear it from Mollymauk. 

“Sort of hot, actually.” He had a grin that was hard to resist and Caleb joined in with it. Of course Mollymauk would find his dangerous, fire wielding side attractive. 

Caleb grabbed Mollymauk by the front of his coat and kissed him, hard and full of the heady, burning feeling of actually using his magic. Mollymauk kissed him back, a hand finding the inside of his coat and pulling him close. 

“School?” the changeling suggested when they came apart, a grin that had zero regrets there. 

“Ja. It has been a long time since I have- Wicht, let me know if the magic gets the better of me. Drag me back to the snow, kicking and screaming if you must,” Caleb said, looking to him.

“As you wish.”

Mollymauk produced a set of tools and with a few minutes work had gotten the gate so they could push it open and allow two human bodies to pass through. There wasn’t much to be done about their tracks in the snow. They just had to hope that by the time anyone moved to them, they would be long gone and there would simply be a dent in the snow where their trailer had been. 

It was hard to Caleb to keep control of his panic the closer they got to the school, eyes darting across the familiar shapes of the building now softened by a layer of snow. The tower was much smaller than he remembered it being the first time he had arrived, short and squat but still intimidating as it loomed over the rest of the school. He’d been so young when he first came here, easily impressed by what he had thought must have been a castle. 

“There should be a side entrance this way,” Caleb said, pointing down a narrow path between bushes.

“Will it be easier to get into?” Mollymauk asked.

“When I was a student the alarm had been disabled years before, people came out this way to smoke.”

“Doesn’t sound so bad.”

Caleb glanced at him. “We were children being trained to be weapons. Vollstrucker.”

He watched as understanding changed Mollymauk’s expression, half expecting him to immediately reject Caleb.

“You’re a Scourger?” he asked.

“I was supposed to be. Does that change things?”

“No I’m impressed. I'd be lying if I didn’t say that’s kinda hot,” he answered with an impish grin.

“Well, don’t expect me to scourge anything for you,” Caleb said. It was sort of a relief that Mollymauk knew and wasn’t bothered by it. Or at least that he knew and liked Caleb enough to overlook being a Scourger.

Mollymauk laughed and Caleb wondered how he could be so relaxed. But then, he didn’t remember Ikithon at all, and certainly not in the same way Caleb did. He looked over at him and smiled anyway, charmed by his ease and bravery.

“Widogast.” 

Caleb turned so fast his head felt like it was still spinning. He knew Essek’s voice immediately but he hadn’t expected to hear it now and drew power to his fingertips just in case. The lanky shadow of the elf was hidden beside the door they had been coming toward, dark but for silver hair and pale purple eyes glowing at him. In his hands and through his arms to the center of his chest, Caleb could feel the two resonances of both Mollymauk and Essek make him vibrate.

“It’s not safe for you here. Ikithon knows you are here and is coming,” Essek warned. His voice was urgent and quick. 

The panic he had been keeping back welled in Caleb’s belly but he didn’t trust his own eyes here. Beside him, Mollymauk had drawn those long, wicked knives of his and drawn one along the inside of a forearm to light it in green and the other along the nape of his neck to light it in red.

“I have no reason to believe you are who you appear to be,” Caleb said, already drawing small symbols with his fingers but holding the power in each palm. 

Essek sighed and sounded so aggrieved at Caleb’s doubt it reassured him it was his elven friend. “The last time we spoke we talked about fish and you were trying to guess my card. I have known you for over five years now and you gave this changeling beside you a nickname in less than two weeks.”

He sounded- well Caleb wasn’t sure if he could call it jealousy but it sounded like Essek was jealous. “Did you want a nickname?”

“That is not the point.”

“Okay, I believe you’re Essek. Do we have time to get back to the trailer?” Caleb asked, looking back at their tracks. If Ikithon came upon them now, he would easily track them back to their vehicle. 

“No, but I can put it somewhere safe. Come with me,” he said. Essek held out one hand in Caleb’s direction.

“Only if you will take both of us. I’m not going to leave Molly.”

The elf frowned, eyes flicking over to Mollymauk for the first time since he’d gotten there. “No.”

Caleb shook his head. Though he appreciated Essek coming with an offer to save him, rather than just scooping him out of perceived danger this time, he wasn’t about to abandon Mollymauk. “Then we’ll find our own way.”

“I blame you,” Essek said. “Mollymauk, yes?”

“For what?” Mollymauk asked, his body tense and ready, regardless if he had to battle Essek or if he was going to be fighting Ikithon. 

“He was always tractable before, well-behaved.”

Mollymauk’s laughter was sharp and delighted, all pointed teeth when Caleb glanced at him. “Then I’ll accept blame for that. I like him full of piss and vinegar like this.”

Essek’s mouth twisted and Caleb could have sworn he was smiling. 

“Send the trailer somewhere safe, where it can be retrieved,” Caleb said. He heard a car nearby, pulling into the parking lot by pushing the gate they had disabled out of the way. His heart was hammering so hard in his chest it hurt and his fingers pulsed. “And bring both of us back with you, please. Safely, and guarantee our return, and I will owe you.”

Those purple eyes lit up for a moment then glared at Mollymauk once again. “Of course he will only make a bargain with me when it concerns you.”

Voices were coming toward them from back the direction they’d come. 

“Please, Essek.” Caleb held a hand out toward him this time, but reached over to wrap the other around Mollymauk’s wrist.

There was a long pause while Essek considered them, boots crunching in the snow behind them. A third echo made Caleb’s knees almost buckle and he stumbled into Mollymauk with the impact of it. Where Mollymauk and Essek combined to make a curious sort of harmony, this third echo was dissonant and almost drowned both of them out. Mollymauk caught him with one arm, ginger with the long knife to avoid injuring him.

“Fine then, just him, if you insist. Don’t leave him to be tormented by nightmares at his hands,” Mollymauk snarled at Essek. 

Essek breathed the most humorless of laughs and reached for Mollymauk’s arm where it was supporting Caleb. The changeling’s hand, barely inside Caleb’s coat was warm while the elf’s fingers, gripping the hand were cool. 

“Come with me then, the both of you,” Essek said. 

Caleb tried to fight the need to vomit but he also felt himself being pulled away and the sensation was familiar this time. Mollymauk’s arm remained around him as they were pulled through the barrier between worlds. 

He caught just a glimpse of a familiar sitting room before he collapsed onto his knees and crawled to the silver pitcher where it still sat beside a couch and emptied the contents of his stomach. When there was nothing left he retched bile until his stomach stopped heaving.

When he looked up, Mollymauk had put himself between Essek and Caleb and they were sizing one another up. 

“You are both the prettiest girl, you do not need to fight,” Caleb said weakly, drawing their attention. “Besides, there is nothing here worth the effort.”

Essek snorted, throwing a look at Mollymauk again. “I know who you are, I can see through this illusion you’ve put on yourself, Lucien.”

“I never met the man,” Mollymauk said. His knives had been sheathed but he was still balanced on the balls of his feet as though ready to fight at any moment. 

“He means that,” Caleb tried to add but it sounded more like a croak. 

Essek waved a hand at Mollymauk, eyes on Caleb. “Use your truesight to look at him, Widogast. He wears an illusion like a skin, he has been deceiving you since the moment you met.” 

Caleb unwrapped his fingers from their grip on the foul pitcher and twisted to look up at Mollymauk. Somewhere between the mortal realm and the Wild, he’d lost the spell he’d been holding in his hands. It was simple enough to draw the shape of the new spell to open his eyes and he could see the shimmer of illusion on Mollymauk’s skin. But Mollymauk’s face registered confusion more than he did fear at being discovered.

“Wicht, did you even know about this spell on you?” Caleb asked. 

“I didn’t even know I was a changeling until quite recently,” Mollymauk said. 

His face was just so earnest and confused that Caleb’s heart went out to him. He looked over at Essek, trying to assess if he believed what Mollymauk was telling him or not. Essek looked thoughtful, which was a good indicator, but he hadn’t let go of the idea he held of Mollymauk as Lucien. 

“What do you want to do?” he asked, returning to his full attention on Mollymauk. “If you have an illusion on you, it is something that you created. I can see it is your spell. Would you want to see yourself as you are?”

“I don’t know.” Mollymauk just looked confused, sitting on the couch near Caleb, hands resting on his knees. “I don’t remember putting a spell on myself and I wouldn’t even know where to start lifting it.”

Caleb chewed on his lower lip and sat beside Mollymauk. “Essek could help. He’s familiar with your magic already, ja?”

“Caleb that’s not a good idea,” Essek said, looking at the both of them with his arms crossed over his chest. 

“But you are.” Caleb took a deep breath and tried to make his shoulders relax. The air between Essek and Mollymauk was charged and it was making him nearly as tense as being at the school in Rexxentrum had. “Could you help him lift it?”

Grudgingly, he answered, “I could.”

“Would you allow him to?” Caleb asked. He picked up one of Mollymauk’s hands from his knees, using that closeness to help put him at ease. His thumbs stroked the back of one hand, tracing the webbing between thumb and forefinger. 

“I-” Mollymauk looked up from his thoughts and locked eyes with Caleb. It was hard to read what he was thinking but it was clear he was looking for some sort of answer in Caleb’s eyes. “Ja. Yes, that- I want to know this.”

Caleb smiled at him, unaware of how his face changed and lit up as he did so, only knowing he was glad at least one of his friends was going to trust the other. Even on a temporary matter such as this. 

“Essek.”

“No.” The elf crossed his arms and walked away from the both of them toward the dark hallway. 

Heaving an exaggerated sigh, Caleb got up and followed after him. His knees were only a little wobbly so he didn’t lose track of the dark robes that barely stood out from the shadows. “Essek?”

He stopped, barely more than pale eyes and silver hair in the darkness. “You are asking too much of me, Widogast.”

“What was Lucien to you, Essek?” Caleb asked, reaching for what he hoped was a shoulder and getting an arm. “Before he was a traitor.”

Pale purple eyes flashed warning but Essek didn’t pull his arm away from Caleb. “Much the same as he is to you now, I imagine.”

“Essek, that is not Lucien, that is Mollymauk. How can I help you to see that?” He slid his hand down Essek’s arm to the elbow and back up to his shoulder. 

“Wait here. Will you trust me to speak with him without you present?” Essek asked. He lifted the arm Caleb had been holding and found his hand, taking it ever so gently from where it rested on his shoulder. 

Caleb blinked. It was probably not the wisest thing he’d ever done, but he found he did trust Essek alone with Mollymauk. He wouldn’t do any lasting harm and Caleb was close if he needed to intervene. “Right here?”

“Ja.” Essek lifted Caleb’s hand and, surprising both of them, grazed his fingertips with his lips before rapidly disappearing back into the well-lit room where Mollymauk was still sitting on the couch. 

From where Caleb stood in the shadows, he could see both of them but not hear their words. It was either a trick of the room or something that Essek had done. From here they were both very handsome and it was interesting to watch both their faces as they spoke to one another. The longer they talked, the more open Essek’s face seemed to become, the more relaxed Mollymauk’s shoulders became. Caleb smiled, feeling a little hopeful even if he should know better.

Essek looked up from speaking with Mollymauk and smiled in Caleb’s direction, startling him. Mollymauk also looked toward him before they nodded at one another. The hopeful feeling in Caleb’s stomach twisted and he could not stop the worst thought. 

Had they both been tricking him all along? Was this the moment they were going to break his heart?

“Caleb,” Essek’s voice carried to him this time and Caleb tried to maintain a neutral expression. He gestured with one hand to indicate he could come closer again. 

Stiff with anxiety all anew, Caleb walked out of the shadows. He steeled himself, ready for everything to crumble around him.

“What’s wrong, Liebchen? Have you seen a ghost?” Mollymauk asked.

“Nein I- I am alright.” He forced a weak smile. “Have you sorted things out?”

“Yes, actually,” Essek said, his smile reassuring. “Mollymauk, if you would like to explain?”

Hearing the right name from Essek was its own sort of reassurance. Mollymauk patted the seat next to him and Caleb weakly lowered himself to sit beside him. “Essek is going to lift the spell but because it is so thoroughly woven into my awareness it will be easier if I am asleep. And apparently less painful. He has a theory that because I woke up in the mortal realm I thought I was a mortal and made this skin for myself.”

“Is it going to hurt?”

Mollymauk shrugged. “That is another matter and I can deal with that. My question is if you will be alright alone with Essek for a few days.”

Caleb looked up and over at the elf where he was busy with the bookshelves, working on finding the book he wanted it seemed. He would pull one book down and look at the interior before putting it back and moving onto contemplate another and put that back. 

“I do not mind,” Caleb said, watching Essek for a few quiet moments before returning to look at Mollymauk. The thought of Essek’s lips briefly touching his hand gave Caleb pause and he knew there was another question he ought to ask. “Would it- Mmm. I am not sure how to phrase this.”

Mollymauk gave his hand a squeeze and smiled at him. “I’ve seen how he looks at you, Liebchen. And you look at him the same way.”

Caleb felt himself blushing and tried so hard not to let his eyes wander to Essek. “I am a wanton man, Wicht.”

Molly laughed, drawing Essek’s attention and a confused look their direction. Hiss laughter was good and wiped the last of Caleb’s worry about their imaginary betrayal away. “You’re clever and handsome and yes, human, so it seems quite natural to me to be interested in trying all the dishes at the buffet before you. How else would you know what you like?”

“That is an unusual analogy and there are only two people in whom I have been interested, excepting my youth.”

“That sounds like a story I would like to hear one day. But, you don’t need my permission,” Mollymauk said.

Caleb shook his head. “No but I should like it anyway. You are very dear to me, how you feel does matter in this.”

Mollymauk leaned toward him and Caleb leaned back quickly. “Nein, I taste foul.” 

This elicited another laugh and Mollymauk leaned in and kissed his cheek instead. “Then I’ll leave that for now and retrieve it later when I wake up.”

“Alright. I might have moved it for safekeeping though,” Caleb answered with a shy smile. 

“Oh I’ll have to go hunting for it then.” He lit up while they were teasing one another, Mollymauk’s red eyes glowing warm and steady as he looked at Caleb. 

Essek cleared his throat before returning to them, making them aware of his presence before interrupting their conversation. In his hand was a leather-bound book, open somewhere toward the center. Caleb tried to casually angle himself to see the contents of the book, making Mollymauk laugh softly under his breath when he realized what he was doing. 

“Are we decided?” Essek looked up from the book at them, 

“It was always Mollymauk’s decision, not mine. But yes, we have spoken about it,” Caleb answered when he realized Essek was looking at him and not Mollymauk.

“And he’s told you of the risk?” 

Mollymauk found somewhere to look rather than meeting Caleb’s eyes when the wizard turned to look at him. “No, he neglected to mention any risk, only had promises and kisses.”

“That seems about right from my experience,” Essek said, but his expression was sympathetic rather than accusatory. “I’ll have to put him to sleep in order to work the spell because the illusion is tied into his identity right now. And there’s the risk that removing the spell will remove what we know as Mollymauk. It’s up to him to hold onto himself while letting go of himself.”

“Wicht,” Caleb said, doubt entering his voice. 

“Do you think I’m strong enough to hold on?” Mollymauk asked, looking at him now that Caleb’s concern was unavoidable. 

“Ja.”

“Do you think I’m strong enough to let go?”

“Ja.” 

He smiled warm at Caleb, stroking a stubbly cheek with rough fingers. “I know I’m strong enough to return to you so there you have it. There’s no danger so great that I couldn’t surmount it for you.”

Caleb leaned into his hand and closed his eyes. Of course he’d known he shouldn’t get so comfortable, so happy with this man. If he came back and was not Mollymauk, if he was Lucien or some other, new, inhabitant? Caleb would find the parts of Mollymauk if need be. “Ja. Come back to me, Molly.”

Essek watched them with heavily lidded eyes while they spoke, catching Mollymauk’s eye when they seemed to be done. “Ready?”

“Yes.” Mollymauk got to his feet. 

“Should I come with you?” Caleb asked, rising as well. 

Essek’s eyes softened when he looked at him. “I’m sorry, Caleb, but this is- no. I won’t be certain if the spell has worked until Mollymauk wakes up but the spell will be easier without distractions.”

“You’re very distracting,” Mollymauk added with a wink.

“I- that is not at all what I said,” Essek sputtered. 

Mollymauk laughed soft beneath his breath again, looking mischievous. “Sure.”

Caleb caught Mollymauk’s hand, trying to find the right word and unable to come up with anything. He gave Caleb’s hand a squeeze, fingers warm and his thumb rubbing his knuckles. 

“I know.” 

Mollymauk’s simple confidence was just as warm as his hands and it was hard to let go and allow Essek to take him out of the room. He looked at Essek and caught his eyes, there was confidence in his face and Caleb nodded. It didn’t do much for the worry coiled in his chest, but he chose to trust them both, hands clenched at his sides and useless. He remained on his feet until the pair of them disappeared into the shadows in the hall; Caleb wasn’t even certain which door they had entered though he heard it close behind them. There was the barest window where he realized the bookshelves had been left unlocked before they snapped closed. 

“Rude.” There was no venom in Caleb’s voice, he was fond of Essek protecting him, even if he desperately wanted the chance to read every single one of those books. 

Instead of looking for a book, Caleb sat at the end of the couch as far from the pitcher as he could manage. He leaned against the arm of the couch, using the bright scarf he’d borrowed as a pillow. It had just the barest smell of the changeling still clinging to it and it was like dozing against his side instead of dozing alone while he didn’t know what would happen to Mollymauk.

Caleb didn’t sleep deeply enough to stop the steady stream of his thoughts, just enough that he lost his sense of time and some of his racing thoughts sort of blurred together. He slept heavy enough he didn’t feel the movement of air as someone moved silently around the room but he did rouse when their weight depressed the couch beside him. The room had dimmed while he’d dozed and Essek sat beside him with a book in his hands. He didn’t say anything, just shifted his weight from one hip to the other and made himself comfortable against Essek’s shoulder. Initially Essek didn’t know what to do with him and adjusted to put an arm around him and balance the book in the other hand.

All of Caleb’s chaotic thoughts were still tumbling through him and gradually dropped away as he slid seamlessly into a deeper level of sleep. The sound of regularly turning pages was soothing and Caleb could hear the steady rhythm of Essek’s heart.

He woke up and could not tell what time it was without any of the usual cues he used. It was an unusual feeling to say the least. Caleb was still situated against Essek, a blanket around his shoulders. 

“I am sorry, your shoulder must be sore after that,” Caleb said, trying to push himself up and desperately hoping that he hadn’t drooled on his companion. 

“I don’t mind,” Essek closed the book in his hand and set it on top of the small stack of three others on the cushion beside him. “You’ve been through a lot, you must be tired.”

“I could sleep for a year,” Caleb said. “That’s not a request, just a statement.” 

Essek smiled gently. “Can I interest you in food? Mortal food of course. Tea?”

Caleb rubbed at the stubble on his cheek. “Tea. And a bath to start. Do you have a razor?” He’d never seen a stray hair on Essek so he wasn’t sure if the elf shaved or not. Maybe it was a fey thing; he’d never seen a stray hair on Mollymauk.

Mollymauk. 

“How did it go? Did it work?” Caleb sat upright, turning to look at Essek. 

“I don’t know. I will not know until he wakes, worrying will not change it,” he answered. “I can provide everything else. A change of clothes perhaps?”

Caleb looked down at himself, at the heavy coat he still wore and Mollymauk’s borrowed clothing beneath. “Ja, I think that would be good. Thank you, Essek.” 

The elf rose to his feet and Caleb pressed his lips together before silently trying to lean toward the books that had been abandoned on the furthest cushion. With a laugh, Essek waved a hand and lifted all three of them up and out of Caleb’s reach before his finger could do more than brush the spine of one. 

“Essek,” Caleb laughed also, watching the books arc gracefully over his head and away. “You are a cruel tease.” 

“This is not cruel,” Essek said, sounding offended and confused for a moment when he didn’t understand the meaning behind Caleb’s chosen words. 

The books all slid into the blank spaces on the shelves where they belonged and Caleb made a face at them. “Maybe not in the traditional sense. But you are a tease. All those books you will not allow me to read. Is there at least one book I may read? I like books.”

Essek stared at him for a moment before giving him a quiet smile. “After you are clean and fed.” 

Caleb laughed quietly, “Yes, sir.” 

“Come with me, everything you need is this way,” Essek waved a hand at him and Caleb got to his feet to follow him down the hallway. 

This time one of the floating, golden lights followed, bobbing along beside Caleb like a glowing balloon. They passed two open, dark doorways that even the soft light following Caleb did nothing to penetrate the shadows or indicate there was anything beyond the frame. But the third doorway Essek pushed open to reveal a large, tiled bath chamber. He hadn’t even known that the fair folk needed to bathe but it was clear that Essek had some use for a room like this. 

A deep pool was set into the floor but raised just enough to be the perfect height to sit on the edge. From the wall, a stream of clear water flowed into the bath, already steaming and looking promising to Caleb. Essek drew several towels from a niche with a wave of his hand and directed them across the room to the side of the pool. Caleb strolled to the side of the pool and couldn’t help but think about how it was more than large enough for two grown men to fit together. A glance at Essek showed he wasn’t even looking Caleb’s direction. 

Through the door they’d just entered the bathroom through, another bundle of cloth floated in. It followed the directions of Essek’s hands, this time landing on an empty seat. A bundle of clothing with slippers sitting on top. The last thing to come floating into the room was a tray consisting of tea and a plate of small, human looking food. 

“This is wonderful, thank you, Essek,” Caleb said. He shrugged out of his coat and set it on another empty seat. “I have not had the opportunity to soak like this in some time.” 

“If there is anything else I will be able to hear if you call for me,” Essek said, pale eyes turning to look at him. There was something intense there that Caleb wasn’t ready to address just yet. Soon. 

“Of course.” 

Caleb smiled at him and continued to take off some of the outer layers of the clothing he’d worn to break into Ikithon’s school. Even though he wore layers for the snow, he was just as comfortable wearing them as he was peeling them off and setting them into the chair. Either the temperature of Essek’s home fluctuated to accommodate him or clothing didn’t really have the same impact on his body heat here that it did at home. 

The door clicked shut behind Essek and Caleb gave the room yet another brief look, just in case Essek kept any bathtub reading nearby. On finding nothing, Caleb grumbled about teases but started to unbutton the rest of his borrowed clothing. Looking at the pile he left on the chair, little he wore was his anymore but the coat, the boots, a necklace that dangled on his chest, and his book holster. He fingered the fabric of the shirt borrowed from Mollymauk, enjoying the soft texture and wondering just how soft the fey garments from Essek would be. He didn’t quite want to get dirty fingers on the fine, blue material. 

As he slid into the bath, Caleb rubbed the scars on his arms. Mollymauk’s resonance had dulled but he could still feel it nearby if he concentrated. It was a soft counter melody to Essek’s dominating echo, making his chest feel full. Mollymauk had been able to feel something from Caleb, did Essek? How long had it been since he wore bandages on his arms to disguise the pattern of scars that Ikithon had left across his skin?

It was too much to think about. He had to push it aside temporarily, at least while he had the peace of solitude and a hot bath. The water was hot and steamed as it flowed into the pool. Inside there was an arrangement of seats built into the pool and a drain for the water to flow away. Caleb tested each seat before settling into one that allowed him to lounge in the hot water and gaze up at the ceiling. He didn’t think the hot water was going to magically draw the tension from his body but it was a start. With his head half-submerged, water coming up to the back of his head and covering his ears, Caleb couldn’t even hear anything but the steady beating of his heart. He closed his eyes, listening so hard to see if there was a second beat, a beast that lived caged inside his ribcage. 

Soaking until he was close to overheating he sat up to investigate an assortment of soaps and oils lined up alongside the bath. Caleb sniffed a few of them, surprised by the variety but each managing to remind him of Essek. He moved slow and languid in the hot water, scrubbing everything until he was finally convinced he’d washed Rexxentrum off.

Caleb wrapped up in the towel Essek had left for him, his skin steaming with the heat of the water he’d cleaned up in. The flow of water had carried any dirt and soap away, leaving the pool of water just as clean as when he had stepped into it. He finally touched the fabric of the clothing Essek had left, drying his hand on the towel before running fingers across it. Soft, it would be like wearing water or shadow. 

“I’m not sure I have this right,” Caleb said when he pushed the door open to return to the sitting room. Essek’s borrowed clothing was loose on his frame and Caleb carried his holster and books in one hand. His coat and boots were safe enough and he could understand the hint of slippers left with the robes. In his wake, the one floating globe of light that had been assigned to him bobbed along. “Do the ties go over or under this and how am I supposed to wear my books?” 

“You don’t need the books,” Essek answered, but he came into a view as Caleb walked down the hall toward the rest of the golden light. 

“You keep locking books away from me, I am not leaving them unattended,” Caleb answered. He smiled though, putting an effort into making sure that his words didn’t sting. 

“I would not keep you from your books. I have even found some books to help you pass the time you wait for Mollymauk more pleasantly.” 

Now he had Caleb’s attention. He hitched up the too-long robes and walked to the couch where a pair of books sat where Caleb had fallen asleep previously. Essek finally got a look at him and laughed. 

“Ja, funny man, I told you I think I have this wrong.” Caleb swallowed and set his holster on the ground beside the couch within easy reach of where he stood. His hand lingered on the worn leather for a few beats of his heart longer while Essek waited patiently until he released the leather and had finally raised his eyes to look at him. 

“Turn this way,” Essek said, stepping close to him. 

His hands were cool through the fabric, adjusting ties and tucking the robes until they somehow fit just how they ought to. The upper part of the robe was a pale grey-blue that almost perfectly matched Caleb’s eyes, cut so that his arms were completely exposed from the shoulder down. The lower half was a darker blue, nearly black and moving as smooth as water. Caleb could feel the fabric soft against his skin as he moved and couldn’t quite shake the impression he wasn’t wearing more than an illusion. 

“How does it look?” he asked, looking up at Essek. He was only a few inches taller than Caleb but he felt so much larger than life standing so close. 

One of Essek’s hands brushed his cheek, freshly shaven and damp from the bath. “Very handsome.”

Planting his slippered feet on the floor, Caleb leaned up on his toes to kiss Essek. For a moment the elf returned the kiss, his lips as cool as his hands and so so different than kissing Mollymauk. 

“I- Caleb you-” Essek didn’t pull completely away but he drew back from the kiss and used his height to create a space between them. 

“You Caleb me?” 

The ends of Essek’s ears turned pink, which Caleb noted with some interest. “You are lovers with Mollymauk.”

“Ja.”

“Then this?” Essek moved his hand, weakly gesturing at Caleb and in the general direction of his lips. 

“We’ve discussed it,” Caleb said. “Life is complicated and there are two men whom I am drawn to.”

The red at the end of Essek’s ears expanded to his cheeks and he put one of those long-fingered hands on his lips. 

“Is that a problem? Would it bother you to know that I care about the both of you?” Caleb asked. 

Essek shook his head, almost before he realized he was answering Caleb’s question. But then he focused on Caleb, pale purple eyes moving across his face and taking in more than even Caleb could see on the surface. 

“Come sit with me then,” Caleb said, taking the hand that Essek had at his side and drawing him to the couch. “We do not have to do anything so rash and human as kissing, but I have some questions for you.”

The elf followed his lead, sitting beside the books. Caleb picked up the books and put himself where they had been, back against the arm of the couch and his legs stretching across Essek’s lap. He picked up the first book, The Colossus in the Marsh and after tracing light fingers across the cover, opened it to begin reading. 

“I thought you had questions,” Essek said, trying to figure out where his hands went on Caleb’s legs and settling for the region of his knees. 

“I do have questions, many of them,” Caleb said, not looking up from the book in his hands. “But I am not taking the risk that you will take these books away. So in this you will have to wait.”

In the corner of his vision, Caleb caught the shift in Essek’s face when he smiled. This made him look up, catching those pale purple eyes and smiling back at him.

“I see now why you would call me cruel,” Essek said, quite serious. “But this is still not cruel. I can be cruel, if you would like a demonstration.”

“No thank you.” Caleb wiggled to get more comfortable, putting his butt right up against Essek’s thigh. “I have experienced enough cruelty and I like that you are kind.”

Essek adjusted the positioning of his hands and used a spell to call a book for himself to the couch. Feeling domestic and surprisingly comfortable with all this, Caleb returned his attention to the book in his hands. It read like fiction and he would have to ask the elf if it was a historic account or not. His hair was just starting to dry when he closed the book, having read it from cover to cover.

Startled by the snap of the book, Essek looked up from his book and glanced toward him. “That is not enough books until Mollymauk wakes, is it?”

Caleb laughed. “I haven’t thanked you for the book by Ikithon.”

There was a beat and then Essek stroked his leg, moving like he was testing if this was an option and waiting for Caleb’s permission before continuing. Hoping he would understand the permission without using words, Caleb smiled at him and pushed his leg more firmly into his touch and against his chest. 

“I’m glad you guessed it was from me and not someone teasing you with your past,” he said, drawing little designs on Caleb’s kneecap as he spoke. “I hope you set it on fire when you got done with it.”

“Oh no,” Caleb responded, drawing a surprised look from Essek. “It is the first book you have permitted me to read. Plus it is the first clue I have had why he chose us. I would not be rid of it for many reasons. I cannot understand this if I do not understand the mind behind it.”

He put his arms out, sitting up just a little so the scars were on display for Essek to properly look at. While helping with the robes, Essek had been polite enough not to investigate too closely or ask any questions. Now that the scars were presented to him, the inside of Caleb’s forearms a perfect match for one another, Essek brushed the scars with soft, cool fingers. 

“These are from residuum, aren’t they?” Essek asked, turning the closer arm so he could look on the other side. 

“I- what?” Caleb blinked at him. 

“Greenish crystals,” Essek explained. He waved one hand and a small sliver of green crystal came across the room to where they were seated. Caleb recognized it immediately but only when it got close to him did he feel it echo inside the scars. “That would explain a lot of things.”

“Ja?” Caleb was half waiting for the other shoe to drop, for Essek to realize the reason for his interest in Caleb had nothing to do with Caleb himself.

“Well, I’ve seen marks like this before, but not in the mortals that Ikithon would offer to us. Caleb,” his hands continued the slow, steady stroke of Caleb’s arms and goosebumps flashed across his skin when Essek spoke his name. “You’re making such a face right now. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“What do you feel when we are close to one another?” Caleb asked. If he couldn’t hide that something was wrong, he was going to rip the bandage right off and not prolong this painfully uncertain feeling. 

“Do you mean how I feel about you?” Essek asked, needing clarification.

“No, I mean…” Caleb trailed off, trying to think how to ask about if he echoed to Essek. For years he had just guessed Essek could feel the same resonance that he did. It was in Caleb’s chest and down to the tips of his fingers this close to him, he wasn’t sure how Essek couldn’t feel it vibrating right out of his skin when they were this close to one another. “Nothing echoes inside?”

Essek laughed, soft and gentle. “No, nothing like that. I feel warm and happy when you are safe and close, but that is not like an echo.”

Caleb dropped back against the couch, a little deflated to find that he’d been worried about this if it was nothing. “Then why? Why all of this and asking for a bargain for years? I do not have anything to offer you if this- this is all something that I feel and nothing to you.”

He frowned at Caleb. “This isn’t nothing, Caleb.”

“That- I am sorry, I misspoke.” Caleb turned his hands so that he could close them around Essek’s, giving his hands a little squeeze. 

They were both quiet for a moment, quiet and enjoying the company of the other without pushing to try and define what their relationship was. Caleb dropped his arms back down onto his lap so that his arms were sitting on top of the second book Essek had let him borrow, their fingers tangled together. 

“Did you mean what you told Mollymauk? That I am more difficult?” Caleb asked.

“Yes.”

“Does that bother you?” 

Essek considered his answer before speaking, eyes trained onto Caleb’s face. “Professionally, yes, a mortal who is very obedient is much easier to control and to bind to one’s self. Personally, I am delighted. You are far more interesting as a challenge and I can finally see why you have not given into the bargain that I have been looking for in the time I’ve known you.”

Caleb laughed. “It took Mollymauk to help you see that I am actually an obstinate creature?” 

“Perhaps. Or Mollymauk helped to instill in you the confidence that you have a value beyond what Ikithon saw in you,” Essek continued to explain further.

“It wasn’t just Molly.” Caleb tilted his head, considering. “It was everyone I met this year. Nott and Beauregard and Yasha and Mollymauk. What was it that convinced you to bring Mollymauk from the school here? You didn’t trust him yet.” 

“I trusted you. And- Lucien would never have offered to remain behind to ensure that you were safe.” Essek’s voice was soft. “Mollymauk is a different creature than he was, perhaps it was the influence of some of these same people in the carnival.” 

“What about our bargain?” Caleb asked.

Essek’s lazy attention and playing with Caleb’s hands and knees immediately stopped and his focus sharpened on Caleb. “I did not take it.”

Caleb smiled and shifted on the couch. He pulled one leg back and pushed himself up from a reclining position so that he was situated on Essek’s lap, facing him. Essek pulled his hands back with a little alarm, unable to determine where it was safe and acceptable to place them. Caleb took both of Essek’s hands and carefully put them on his own hips. The fabric of the borrowed clothing was so light that Caleb could feel how cool Essek’s hands were through the material as though it was not even there.

“I know that, but I still have a gift for you. Let me be clear that it is given freely and I expect nothing in return,” Caleb said, bringing his hands up to run through Essek’s soft, silver hair. “Is that okay? You do not have to receive this if you do not want it.”

Essek’s hands tightened slightly on his hips and his thumbs stroked just inside the hip bone. “Tell me what it is and I will tell you if I can accept.” 

“My name.”

There was a moment before Caleb’s words sank in and he watched Essek’s face slowly change. He continued to touch Essek’s hair and face, soft brushing his hands along his jaw. The expression moving across his face were fast and hard to read so Caleb let him think about it, waiting patiently while he worked through it. 

“I- that is too much Caleb.” But he wanted it, Caleb could see that much on his face. Essek’s pale eyes had dilated at some point between Caleb making the offer and now. 

Caleb laughed softly and leaned down to kiss Essek, the cool hands resting on his hips tightening and pulling him closer. 

“A nickname for you then,” Caleb said, only drawing back just enough that nothing but breath could fit between them. 

Essek smiled, the worry fleeing his face quickly. “Oh? What sort of name would you choose for me?” 

Several inappropriate ones flashed through Caleb’s mind and he felt his cheeks getting warm. “Schnecke.”

Quietly, Essek considered the name, but his eyes flicked down to Caleb’s mouth. “I like calling you Caleb. It is a name you chose for yourself, your own identity that you made.”

Caleb closed the tiniest distance between them and kissed him again. Essek’s hands pulled him closer but he was already pressed hard against his body. Caleb pressed him back against the couch and guided his hands again until they were both able to find a way to get closer. As it turned out, though Essek hands were cool, there were plenty of parts of his body that were very warm to the touch.

After they had gotten intimate on the couch, Essek had scooped him up and carried him to a different room down the hallway where there was a narrow bed barely big enough for the both of them to fit into. It had taken a little effort on Essek’s part but soon the bed fit them both comfortably and Caleb had arranged himself across him with his second book.

Mollymauk slept for three days. Caleb kept asking Essek how much time had passed in the mortal realm, asking to see Mollymauk, asking for another book. The elf bore it all with good humor and more often than not would provide a book to Caleb but would not let him see Mollymauk. 

“Caleb, I think he’s about to wake up,” Essek said abruptly, interrupting Caleb and the book he was partially through reading. 

He closed his book and got to his feet but didn’t know what direction he ought to go. Essek had kept Mollymauk’s location a secret, knowing perfectly well that Caleb would have gone looking if he hadn’t. The doors in Essek’s home often lead to more than one destination depending on what Essek needed, but they did not respond to Caleb in the same way, only opening to the last location that Essek had needed them to. When asked, Essek said more doors than he had were simply a waste of perfectly good space. 

“I have to see who he is before I can take you to him,” Essek said, his tone was apologetic at least but it didn’t actually make Caleb feel any better. 

“Essek.” Caleb frowned at him, feeling like the few inches that Essek had weren’t fair when he could look down at him like that. 

“I know,” Essek reached and stroked his hair, kissing his gently. “I know. But if he is not- I can’t promise that he is safe.” 

Caleb made a noise and moved to push Essek away but tangling his hand in the front of his shirt instead. “Then hurry up and let me know so that I can see him.”

“Yes,” the elf answered, putting his hand over Caleb’s. He gently tried to work free of his hand before giving up and breaking the tension with a laugh. “You have to release me if I am to go see if he is Mollymauk.”

“Could he be dangerous to you?” Caleb asked. He knew the question was a stupid one and it made him sound so young to ask it. But the idea of losing one of them was painful enough, the slightest possibility of losing the both of them was enough to leave his hands shaking.

Essek moved his hands from Caleb’s hands to his face, stroking his cheeks with soft thumbs. “Oh Caleb. Everything here is dangerous, but I’ve dealt with that sort of danger before. I will be alright.” 

Caleb frowned at him, not at all reassured by this. “Essek, do not let anything happen to you. Do not let anything happen to him.”

He leaned in and kissed Caleb, soft and lingering and much more reassuring than his words had been. Caleb tightened his hold on Essek’s robes, as though he could somehow make him stay, make him safe. Make them all safe. He knew it was foolish, knew it was impossible, but he wanted it to be real so bad. 

“Don’t let anything happen to you, Caleb,” Essek said, voice soft. “If we had made a bargain, that would have been the boon I would have asked in return.” 

“Doing my best,” Caleb said, chest tight. He forced his hands to release Essek’s shirt, fingers feeling stiff and painful from the force of his grip. 

Before he left, Essek leaned in to kiss him one more time, something quick and light and almost like a promise. “Wait here.”

Caleb paced the sitting room while he waited for Essek, too anxious about the both of them to even realize the bookcases were unlocked, just ran his finger along the spines and stared balefully down the hallway. If Essek needed him, would he even be able to choose the right door? Would it go to the room it needed to go? Could he force one of the doors to take him to Essek and Mollymauk? 

He jumped when there was a sound down the hall. Caleb was half-tempted to reach for power, there was only one way to find out if he could make the doors give him what he wanted or not. 

A door opened and Essek stepped out, looking pleased, but he was followed by a stranger. He wasn’t much taller than Caleb, most of the extra height was two horns that curved around to frame the sides of his face, tipped in silver and gold baubles. His skin was a bright purple and littered with scars that were familiar but a tail that was not familiar at all was looped over his arm. Caleb put most of the couch between himself the the pair of them, still trying to decide what had happened. The scars were familiar, littering an exposed, purple chest and the ends of his arms, the tattoo of peacock’s feathers up the purple stranger’s neck were also painfully familiar. Hard to read, red eyes were watching him, also keeping his distance while he gave Caleb time to process the changes, letting him set his own pace. Mollymauk had always let Caleb set the pace, careful not to spook him by moving too quickly. 

“Molly?” Caleb asked. He wasn’t sure if his knees were going to support him or not but suddenly the couch was very in the way and he wasn’t going to make it around it if he tried. 

“This is all very strange for me too, actually. I half expected you were also going to be purple,” he snuck a glance at Essek, “Maybe it’s something in the air or the food,” Mollymauk said. His voice was right, the warm brogue enough to send a familiar and pleasant shiver down Caleb’s spine when he wasn’t expecting it. 

Caleb involuntarily laughed, sounding a little manic and cutting it off. “You’re really okay?”

Now that he was looking at him and not taken aback by him being purple, he could see the familiar, handsome face, the same build of his body and the wicked little smile when he looked at Caleb. How could it be anyone but Mollymauk? 

“Yes, Liebchen. I’m okay. Is this okay?” He spread his arms, sort of letting Caleb get a look at him. His tail slipped from his arm and flicked, hitting Essek around the shins.

“Careful,” Essek said, stepping to the side. 

Caleb stepped around the couch slowly, checking that his knees were going to hold him with each step.

“Look, you could have warned a man about a bloody tail. It’s going to take some getting used to. The horns I can work with but the tail? I think it’s got a mind of its own,” Mollymauk said, sounding slightly exasperated. 

Caleb turned Mollymauk’s head with one finger, drawing his attention from Essek to him. His horns were heavily decorated and Caleb batted at a star hanging from one. He slid the back of his fingers along the familiar peacock feathers on his neck, the raised scars from his blades still there. Mollymauk’s eyes stayed on Caleb, quietly undergoing the inspection and waiting for his judgment. 

“I thought I might not see you again,” he said, barely more than a whisper. “And here you are, more handsome and. And yes. This is fine.” 

Mollymauk laughed softly and leaned to kiss Caleb’s forehead. “Take your time. I know it’s a lot of change and-”

Before he could keep talking, Caleb hooked a finger into his horns and pulled him into a proper kiss. Mollymauk’s hands found his lower back and pulled him closer. With the borrowed robes, his hands were warm against Caleb’s skin, his whole body was, still clad in ridiculous circus clothing. 

Essek looked away from the both of them and Caleb broke off from kissing Caleb just long enough to lean and whisper into his ear. “Don’t let him go.” 

Just as Essek started to step back and give them space, Mollymauk attempted to grab his leg with his tail and slapped him across the ass instead. 

“Oh shit. I’m sorry that- wasn’t supposed to go like that,” Mollymauk said, struggling so hard not to laugh at the shocked look on Essek’s face. 

Caleb burst out laughing, a hand on Mollymauk’s chest for support and nearly doubling over. The tightness in his chest had eased abruptly and he didn’t know what to do with the bubbling over of anxiety that now had no place to be. He pushed Mollymauk onto the couch on one end, then gestured Essek over with a single finger.

“I’m sorry, that wasn’t what I intended either,” Caleb said, still giggling between his words. Now that the initial shock was over, Essek seemed to find it funny but wasn’t willing to let it show anywhere but his eyes. “Will you sit with us? I don’t want you to go be alone in another room.”

Essek’s pale eyes studied Caleb and then looked at Mollymauk as he considered. “This could get tangled, are you okay with that?” 

Caleb smiled at him, stroking his cheeks with his fingers. “When has it ever not been complicated? Don’t look so smug, Wicht, you’re not uncomplicated either.”

Mollymauk laughed, draped on the couch and somehow managing to take up so much of it. 

Taking a breath, Essek sat on the other end of the couch, trying to maintain as much of his dignity as he could manage in the situation. 

Caleb situated himself between the both of them and leaned his back against Essek’s shoulder, legs across Mollymauk. He called Frumpkin, getting his cat situated on his legs and adjusting for both his companion’s comfort. “Now, if you would just let me read a new book?”

Again, Mollymauk laughed. “Careful, he’ll never be content with one more book. It’s a dangerous road.”

Finally Essek laughed, breathy and soft against Caleb’s cheek. “Yes. He’s insatiable this one, don’t try to have a conversation with him if he has a book he has not finished reading yet.”

“Say more nice things about me,” Caleb said with a laugh. “After you’ve gotten me a book.”


	7. Seeking Answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caleb still has questions that can only be answered in Rexxentrum.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He has a handsome purple lad for each hand. What could possible go wrong?
> 
> I forgot how this chapter ended until I was finishing up the edits last night. I'm not sorry. This was the last bit of this fic I wrote during Nano in 2019, so the last couple chapters have a LOT more editing to make coherent. Pray for me lol.

“It is not a matter of if,” Caleb said. “We are going either way. It is just if we- I? Okay, we. If we go before or after checking in with Nott’s trailer.”

Essek looked as cross as he had at the beginning of the conversation, arms folded over his chest. He wasn’t glaring at Caleb, though it was Caleb who had brought up the conversation. His glare was directed at Mollymauk, whom he did tend to blame any bad plans on. This bad plan in particular. Mollymauk wasn’t bothered in the least by Essek’s foul expression and it being directed at him. If anything, he seemed to find it highly amusing to irritate Essek as close to explosion as he could manage.

Some sort of truce had been worked out by the two of them, but it only seemed to be in effect when Caleb was between them. Caleb would fall asleep, warm against Mollymauk’s shoulder in one bedroom, or tangled in long, cool limbs with Essek, only to wake up to them arguing about what was best for him. 

That was the source of this conversation. Caleb was fed up with other people deciding what was best for him; it was how he’d ended up with a network of scars on his arms and dreams that rarely let him sleep. It was time that he decided what was best for him. 

“Nothing but danger and trouble lies in looking too closely into Ikithon’s work,” Essek warned. 

“But what if I am already a danger?” Caleb asked. He had pulled a chair into the room so that he could sit and face both of them while he made his argument. “We know that Ikithon is obsessed with the fair folk, it stands to reason he could have kept something in me, using the refined residuum to contain it. You said that was possible.”

“But there isn’t anything but you, Caleb. We’ve been over this as well.” Essek’s face softened when he looked at Caleb, pale eyes warming for him. 

“I want to believe you,” Caleb smiled gently. 

“I think it’s good,” Mollymauk spoke up. He was taking up more than his share of the couch, spread out as though saving space for any number of people to join him. Caleb had only seen someone manage to take up more of a seat on the bus. “Ikithon’s always going to be a specter haunting Caleb if he doesn’t go and look into it. He can sleep at night knowing for himself and not just taking the word the first handsome fey to cross his path.”

Essek growled at him, sitting in a narrow sliver of the couch as though to prove it was possible not to take up that much space. 

“The point, gentlemen,” Caleb said, speaking loudly in order to get both their attention at once before a new argument could break out. “Is that what I want to do is see what Ikithon is or was doing in that school. If he is still making weapons out of children then he should be stopped. You and your Court do not know where he went with his mortals when you would no longer trade with him and I don’t trust that it is anything good. But I want to look into it. That- that is the choice I have made.”

Mollymauk looked rather pleased with himself and Essek sighed. 

“Then will you wait long enough that I can get an emergency exit made?” Essek asked. 

“A- what?” Caleb asked, immediately intrigued and his brain going through the spells he knew and how he would create an exit. 

Essek smiled. “It is a device that will be tied to what you think is your safest place. Here, for example-”

Mollymauk snorted, showing his opinion if Essek’s quarters were the safest place for Caleb. He’d made more than enough arguments that Caleb was just a buffet waiting to be discovered if Essek had a surprise visitor. 

“-or wherever your heart chooses. It’s a single use but it will transport you away from danger in a way that can’t be traced,” Essek finished with a glare that was the only acknowledgment that Mollymauk had interrupted. 

Caleb twisted his fingers together. “How long will that take?”

“A day, at the most.”

“I agree with Silver Fox here,” Mollymauk said. “There’s not much that can hold him if he doesn’t want it to and I can always play that I’m back to work with him if needs be. But you’re the one he’ll be interested in, since you ran away.”

Caleb shrugged. “I do not know what he will be interested in. I cannot predict it.”

“Then this is a reasonable precaution.” Mollymauk grinned at Essek, toothy and just trying to push his buttons. 

Essek got to his feet and brushed his robes out. He had his own way of ignoring Mollymauk’s taunts and in doing so, raising the changeling’s dander. Sometimes Caleb was certain that irritating one another was a form of flirting, but he had yet to see anything come of it. If they were flirting they were going at it a lot. 

“I’ll get to work on that then, if you’ll pardon me,” Essek excused himself from the conversation and disappeared into the shadows down the hall. It was anyone’s guess which of the doors would lead to Essek’s workshop and if either Caleb or Mollymauk would be able to activate it even if they tried. 

He didn’t emerge for the full day that he was working. Caleb curled against Mollymauk on the couch, going through his own books while he considered what spells would be the most useful in exploring a potentially abandoned school. Did Ikithon still teach there, now that the deal with the fair folk had ended? He had too much ambition to stop now, when he was surely getting closer to his unknown goal. What did Ikithon even hope to get from the fey? 

Their footprints in the snow had lead directly to the easiest door to get in by, Ikithon would have disabled that entrance by now. Or rather, he would have re-enabled the alarm that his students had long ago disarmed. Quietly, they talked about how best to avoid detection this time, admitting that maybe they did need Essek’s help to access the interior of the school without setting off any alarms outside. 

Caleb didn’t remember falling asleep, though he remembered just resting his head against Mollymauk’s shoulder for a minute while they talked about how they could detect an alarm spell while also disarming an electric alarm. The next thing he knew, he was warm in a bed and alone. The bed part wasn’t so bad, Essek’s house was exceedingly comfortable and the sheets softer than anything Caleb had dreamed of. But the emptiness of the bed other than himself was a bit disconcerting when his last waking memories were being so cozy with one of the men in his life.

“Essek?” He rubbed sleep from his eyes and pushed himself up. “Molly?” 

No answer. Sometimes he couldn’t shake the feeling he was going to wake up one day no longer in the Wild and he would have dreamt the last several weeks. The last several months. Instead of having a strange, small and broken family, two men who had different ways of caring about him, and a semblance of a home, he would be on the move again and constantly running away from Ikithon. Caleb had always know that there was a high likelihood of losing anything he actually cared about, and Essek, Nott, Mollymauk and even Beau and Yasha counted as things he cared deeply about. More than he liked to admit even to himself. Someday he would lose all of that and the more he wanted it, the more he held onto it and the sooner it would go. That was how it had always been.

He reminded himself he hadn’t dreamt of being in the Wild, he was definitely still in Essek’s home. The colors were all bright and intense even though Essek had a muted palette that Caleb could bear. He put bare feet on the hard floor and stepped into the hallway, following the sound of low voices. The speakers stopped as soon as he was heard coming down the hall and there was Mollymauk and Essek looking at him. 

“By all means, do not let me interrupt,” Caleb said, trying to read both their faces. Neither was an easy read. Mollymauk’s eyes were solid and red and his mouth turned into the half-smile that was almost a smirk at nearly all times. Even though he’d known Essek longer, his face might as well have been made from stone for all the emotion he showed when he had proper time to prepare himself. 

“Are you hungry?” Essek asked. 

“I suppose. Did you finish your escape hatch? Can we go today?”

Essek exchanged a look with Mollymauk. Caleb had suspected they’d been discussing him and this trip to Rexxentrum; the look was all the confirmation Caleb needed. 

“We can, yes,” Essek answered, and there was a second part to that statement Caleb was waiting for but he did not continue. 

“But?” Caleb prompted. 

“Maybe you should sit, Liebchen,” Mollymauk suggested. 

Caleb narrowed his gaze at both of him, crossing his arms over his chest. “Whatever it is, spit it out.”

Essek shifted from where he’d been standing and pulled a long, silver chain from his back. A silver cylinder dangled from the end of the chain, no larger than a refill for one of Caleb’s fancy pens he used for his spellbook. A band ran around the center and when Essek and the necklace were close enough he saw it was a seam between top and bottom.

“Here, let me give you this first.” His fingers brushed along Caleb’s cheek and neck as he put the necklace over his head. Essek’s touch was cool against his skin and soothing, helping Caleb find some calm for a conversation he wasn’t much looking forward to. “If you twist the top from the bottom, it will activate and take you to the place you think is the safest. Don’t use it foolishly, it’s difficult to make and once activated is just a useless, pretty thing. Like that one, over there.” He nodded his head toward Mollymauk.

Instead of being outraged, Mollymauk laughed; he was inordinately prod of being useless and pretty. Caleb smiled against his will and lifted the necklace to look at it. It was heavier than it looked and he could feel it thrum in his fingers, the power stored inside just waiting to break free.

“So what is it you were discussing?” Caleb asked. Although it was reassuring to hear them banter, he wasn’t going to let Essek distract him from what he’d been trying to ask. 

Mollymauk cleared his throat and straightened from where he was leaning. “You see, we thought maybe it would be best if we went to Rexxentrum and you waited here.”

Caleb blinked at Mollymauk, needing time to process his words if only because he had been the one to push for Caleb to go in the first place. Felt that if Caleb was going to put his past in the past he needed to face it in the present. 

“What did he tell you?” 

If anyone had swayed Mollymauk suddenly, it was something Essek knew about the mortals who had been traded to the fey court or something about Mollymauk’s own past. Caleb’s blue eyes flicked to Essek, almost too angry to even acknowledge his presence even though he stood right in front of him. Mollymauk threw a nervous look at Essek before looking back at Caleb. 

“Caleb, it’s nothing specific like that. Essek has only reminded me of some of the dangers of taking you back into that school.” Mollymauk said.

“Ja? Well Essek is the one who brought up the school in the first place. Perhaps he should have thought about his actions. Perhaps you should think about how I have made this decision and I am not letting either of you make up my mind for me,” Caleb braced his feet and could feel power curling around him. He wasn’t calling it intentionally and it wasn’t forming into any particular spell, but it was there and ready and filling his arms with it. “Now, you may both come with me if you like and if you cease to try telling me what is good for me. Otherwise I will go on my own.”

“Caleb-”

“Nein. I am not having this conversation right now. I am getting my bag ready and I am getting my spells ready. And then, regardless what you two have decided for me without consulting me, I will be going to Rexxentrum.” Caleb turned on his heel and walked back down the hallway he’d come from and into the room he’d woken up in. 

As soon as the door closed behind him Caleb put his back against it and doubled over, hands over his mouth. His words were sinking in and the panic was settling in behind it slowly. What had he done? Of course he would be on his own now; what pair of idiots would go with him after he’d just yelled at them? 

His hands were trembling and his heart racing, but Caleb’s mind was properly made up and his resolve firm. The bag he’d said he was going to go pack was leaning against the leg of the bed he’d woken up in. Caleb collected himself and sat on the bed beside it, pulling his books from the holsters to begin studying. 

With his legs pulled up onto the bed with him, crossed together, Caleb only looked up from the words he’d hardly been reading when someone rapped on the door. 

“Ja?”

“Caleb?” 

Mollymauk. His voice was soft and it made Caleb want to reach out for him. He was mad but he wanted to know if he could come back from yelling at them. 

“I am accepting apologies in the form of coffee and breakfast currently,” Caleb answered, looking back down at the book in his hands. “Grovelling will do as well but it is not necessary.”

“Okay, hold that thought, Liebchen. I’ll get the coffee, breakfast, and then grovelling.” 

Caleb let himself breath a laugh and turned back to his book. Only a few minutes passed before another knock on the door.

“Caleb, I’ve got breakfast but I’ve also got an actual apology. May I come in?” Mollymauk again. Caleb suspected he was working with Essek to get the things Caleb had asked for. Plus breakfast had already been in the works, theoretically, by the time he had caught them in conversation about him. 

Without thinking about it, Caleb waved a hand toward the door and it opened to reveal Mollymauk with his tail quite literally tucked beneath his legs. 

“Hi.” Mollymauk tentatively smiled at him, holding up a tray with coffee and breakfast for one on it. “If you don’t want me to stay I can leave this and go.” 

Caleb patted the bed beside him, almost expecting to see Essek peering through the door behind him. The changeling padded across the room and sat beside Caleb, the tray balanced on his lap. Mollymauk’s tail had a habit of winding around whatever his favorite thing nearby was and it wrapped around Caleb’s wrist once he was close enough to reach him. 

“Caleb, I’m sorry. You’re right that it wasn’t fair for us to try and make a decision without consulting you,” Mollymauk said, prodding the plate of eggs and toast toward Caleb so he could prolong the moment before he had to make eye contact with him. 

“Look at me, Wicht,” Caleb said, turning slightly so he could catch his eye and reach for the coffee first. “I have had people making decisions what is best for me my entire life. I trust you to do what you think is best for me but I also think it is time that I attempt to do what I think is best for me.” 

Mollymauk looked up as soon as Caleb instructed him to, red eyes wide and soft when he met Caleb’s. “I know. Today we do what you want, whatever you want.” 

“We?” Caleb asked, sipping his coffee. 

“Essek and I do talk, it’s not always arguing.”

“Thank the gods,” he said, only sounding a little sarcastic. 

He laughed, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “Yes well, he does tend to think he knows better than the rest of us. Comes of being an arrogant git I think. But that is not the point. The point is that I was wrong. We were both wrong. And I am here to apologize. I’m sorry.” 

“Accepted.” Caleb set his coffee back on the track and took the plate to begin eating the food Mollymauk had brought. “You may come with me.”

Someone standing just outside of the door made an indignant sound that was almost too low for Caleb to hear but not quite. 

“I told you,” Mollymauk called loudly enough for anyone in the hallway to hear. “It’s almost as though I’m only capable of apologizing for myself.” 

Caleb put his eggs on the toast and closed his book to make sure it was clear of the yolk zone before taking a bite. He glanced toward the door and waited while eating his toast. He wasn’t certain if Essek was mad at him for yelling or unwilling to admit that he was in the wrong. Mollymauk coming to him to apologize was reassuring enough that Caleb was starting to think it was the latter rather than the former. 

“Can’t I just give you something to make it better?” Essek’s voice carried from around the corner. 

“No, it is not actually an apology, Darling. That is just making yourself feel better because it is not convenient that I am angry.” 

Mollymauk stifled a laugh against his hand. He didn’t look smug that he’d apologized and Essek was still in trouble, rather than he found Essek’s difficulty with apologizing charming. It could have been, in another context, but Caleb would feel better with both of them when he went back to Rexxentrum. 

“Fair folk don’t apologize,” Essek said, finally stepping into the doorway. 

“Yes well they also steal children and put their own in the place of a baby, there are a lot of things which the fey do and humans take umbrage to,” Caleb answered calmly. 

Several emotions moved across Essek’s face and through his eyes but he didn’t move from where he stood while determination slowly became the dominant expression. Mollymauk had hidden his smile, lest Essek misread and see it as an insult instead of fondness for his stiff manners. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“For?” Mollymauk asked. 

Essek narrowed his eyes and Caleb thought perhaps he would not have had the audacity to push for more. Even the barest of apologies was more than he would have hoped for a month ago from Essek. “I am sorry that I took away your choice. That I would have done to you the same as Ikithon once did, making you into what I thought was the best thing for you to be.” 

Caleb swallowed the last, half-chewed bite of his toast and had to quickly drink some coffee to keep from coughing it all back up. He waved Essek over though, moving his book again so that it wouldn’t get sat on. 

“I’m lucky to have the only fair one to even try to master the art of apologizing,” Caleb said, settling his book back into his lap.

“Does that mean I can come with you?”

“You’d follow behind even if he didn’t say that you could come anyway,” Mollymauk pointed out.

“It’s much easier to follow with permission,” Essek countered.

Caleb put hands over both their mouths. “Yes, you may both come. If you quiet and let me study.”

The both quieted down and Caleb focussed on his book and picking out the spells he would be capable of bringing to mind the intricate patterns for. It was only when he closed the book with a snap that he realized how comfortably he was situated on a very narrow bed with two very handsome men. He jumped to his feet before that thought could travel any further down a pleasant daydream. If there was a time to consider that, right before breaking into Ikithon’s school in Rexxentrum was not it. There would, if they were lucky, be time for such thoughts later.

“Ready?” Caleb holstered his books and pulled his boots on.

More snow had fallen since Caleb and Mollymauk had tried to break into the school. It was hard to tell if it was up over the top of Caleb’s boots at this point from his vantage point out a darkened window. But it had at least stopped snowing for now. 

Essek had brought them into a disused classroom when he brought them back to the mortal realm, landing all three of them in a clear space at the front of the class. There was a thick layer of dust on everything, from the heavy desk in the front to the windowsill Caleb was trying not to touch while he looked out at the snow outside. The desks seemed too small to be real, how had he ever been a student here?

“Caleb?” Mollymauk’s voice was soft and low. “Caleb are you ready?”

He couldn’t stare out at the snow forever he supposed. The snow outside, bright in the moonlight, and the apparent endless darkness had given a surreal sense of peace that was almost enough to drown out the panic in his chest. 

“No. But I will not be. We may as well pretend like I am, ja?” Caleb took a slow, deep breath and turned to face the both of them. 

Caleb wore the tight jeans he had borrowed from Mollymauk. There was something liberating about dressing so different from anything he would have chosen for himself, like he was a different person than the boy who had come to school here. Essek’s loose robes that felt like almost nothing was going to feel like much protection, but he’d paired his jeans with a shirt from Essek that was soft as silk but had the weight of a flannel. Over that was his book holsters and jacket. Mollymauk looked like himself, one pant leg different from the other and the scars on his arms exposed as he’d rolled his sleeves up to offer himself more skin. Essek was cloaked in darkness, hood pulled to cover even the silver of his hair so that the only point of brightness about him was when the light hit his eyes. 

They moved together, an agreement had been reached ahead of time that no one was moving ahead of the others. Caleb had told himself he wasn’t leaving without answers, but more importantly he wasn’t leaving without both of the men who had come with him. He hated putting any of them in danger to answer important questions about himself, but he knew they stood a better chance of succeeding if they worked as a team. 

“The stairs used to have labels, keep an eye out,” Caleb said. 

They all spoke in low tones; Essek had used a spell to make them invisible to the cameras. Now they may as well all have been ghosts opening and closing doors and slipping through the shadows. The school was clearly not currently in use, but the signs of abandonment were longer than a week of winter break. Indications of rats and other pests were clear and Frumpkin kept sniffing at the air when they crossed the path of something interesting, reporting it back to Caleb. This far from the windows and the bare light granted by the moon, the school was completely dark and Caleb relied on his familiar’s vision and guidance from Essek and Mollymauk. 

“Check the window on that door,” Essek said, reaching out for Caleb’s shoulder to slow him down. 

He heard Mollymauk’s boots on the hard floor nearby and felt helpless to be so incapacitated by his limited sight. Caleb ran all the spells he’d brought with him through his mind, unable to figure out why he hadn’t thought of seeing in the dark without making his lights visible. 

“Stairs. Hang on while I get this door,” Mollymauk’s voice was a harsh whisper. 

“Essek, will a small light be visible on the cameras?” Caleb asked, following the hand on his shoulder to find the elf’s arm. 

“If it’s very small… I can add it, but something could pick up a reflection that would be visible,” he answered. 

Caleb called up the smallest light he could, barely brighter than a single candle floating like a firefly by his shoulder. Beside him Essek made a complicated hand motion and nodded at him. 

“Not that I mind you leaning on me for your eyes,” Essek added with a small squeeze of Caleb’s shoulder. 

“Ja. Perhaps next time we are in a deranged professor’s school?” Caleb suggested.

This made Essek laugh, though it was barely a breath. “Or perhaps we can go on a moonlit walk and not run the risk of dying just for a date.”

“You underestimate what I like on a date.”

The door Mollymauk was kneeling in front of opened with a click, interrupting the quiet conversation between Caleb and Essek. Exchanging just a look, they moved quietly down the stairs. The dark in the stairwell felt thick and heavy and Caleb’s light barely lit the step immediately after the one he stood on. Mollymauk went first, both his blades out but dark; there was no point bleeding before he needed to. Caleb followed in his footsteps with his tiny light, and Essek bringing up the rear. 

It was only an ordinary flight of stairs but it seemed to go on forever.

“Another door,” Mollymauk reported. 

Caleb managed not to crash into him by virtue of Essek’s hand on his shoulder again, his light only illuminated the door when they were upon it. Mollymauk dropped onto his knees before the door and listened at the base of it before looking back at them. Caleb could just see his eyes faintly glowing and the shimmer of the chains dangling from his horns. 

“Well something’s humming in there. Something in this school is running on electricity,” he said, voice even quieter than before. “Or. You know, checking their tune.”

A shiver ran down Caleb’s back; they’d come looking for anything they may find. The school being virtually unoccupied had been a bonus though not entirely surprising. Ikithon had been out of contact and work with the Queen’s Court for over a year now. Evidence of something still being here made him freeze in place. 

“You don’t have to continue,” Essek whispered while Mollymauk got to work on the lock for the door. His voice was so quiet it couldn't have carried any further than Caleb’s ear. 

Caleb shook his head, leaning just slightly into the hand on his shoulder. He did have to go, hearing from someone else wasn’t going to be enough. The door clicked and Caleb made himself move, forced himself to step down from where he’d come to a complete stop on the stairs. 

Wan light flooded the stairwell once the door swung into the basement and all three of them braced themselves. But the soft hum of electricity continued uninterrupted and it was only after blinking several times that Caleb’s eyes adjusted even to such a small amount of light. 

Mollymauk looked back at them and Caleb nodded. He was as ready as he could be, which was not ready at all. 

Moving into the room they stayed together, close enough that they didn’t have to speak too loud to be heard. The room was big, broken apart by pillars supporting the structure above but perhaps the entire basement was in front of them. Off to one side of the entrance was a perfectly ordinary looking furnace of a size to heat an entire school, but that was perhaps the only normal thing about the room. 

Immediately near the entrance there was a row of stainless steel doors that looked as though they belonged in an industrial kitchen, small gauges beside the door like they were indicating the temperature inside. Freezers? The floor was solid concrete and slightly slanted in the direction they were walking and, thanks to half the lights being on overhead, Caleb could see that there was a drain at the center of the angled floor. 

Caleb’s stomach did a flop at the sight, also at the plain, steel tables lined up along the wall closer to the drain. What had Ikithon been doing? The back part of the basement was rows and rows of shelving and in the dim half-light the yellowish-green liquid filling half the jars on the industrial shelving was far from reassuring. The lower half of the closest shelves were closed cabinets and Caleb couldn’t even imagine what they contained.

Everything was neat, scrupulously clean, and bearing no actual evidence of anything terrible being done. In the center of it all, facing the neatly lined up tables was a single, heavy wooden desk that did not match the semi-sterile and washable surfaces of the rest of the room. A clear jar with a lid that looked like it should have been in a sweets shop rather than in this horror laboratory, held tiny slivers of green crystal and caught and held Caleb’s attention. He couldn’t feel any sort of resonance from them, but since they had entered the school and particularly the basement, his sense of Mollymauk and Essek had dulled to a distant hum.

There was no response to their trespassing in the basement, no visual cues that anything had changed. Essek’s spell must have protected them from any cameras notifying anyone of their presence and they had all been keyed to look for magical protections that would have alarmed Ikithon to their intrusion. Nothing. 

Caleb cleared his throat and tilted his head toward the desk. This time he lead them, walking as quietly as his boots would allow to the desk but stopping just short of it. Now that he was closer to the desk the crystals made his blood hum like it was a living thing all on its own. 

“Caleb?” Essek stepped close but peered around, expecting anything. 

Mollymauk slid one of his long knives across his arm, opening a narrow cut just below the elbow and lighting his sword up with a red glow. His tail lashed like an angry cat’s but he took up position opposite Essek. Caleb hadn’t realized he had stopped to clutch his chest right above his heart, hand tangled in his shirt while he tried to catch his breath. 

“He knows. Oh gods. He knows we are here,” Caleb gasped. Of course he would know, he’d known that they were there before but they hadn’t all been there. Caleb had only arrived at his door with a changeling, not with a changeling and a full blooded fey here in his lab. 

“Always such a good student, Bren.” 

He couldn’t breathe and the sound of Trent Ikithon’s voice made Caleb’s head snap up toward the direction he could feel him in. That was the reason the echo of Essek and Mollymauk in his chest had felt so dull since the moment they arrived. The resonance of Ikithon’s magic had been so normal and such a part of Caleb’s life for so long he didn’t know how to separate himself from it, how to tell it apart from normal functions of his body like breathing and the beat of his heart. 

“No.” Caleb stumbled, not knowing he’d dropped to his knees until he had to get back up from them. “Essek, take Mollymauk and-”

Caleb doubled as agony made it impossible to talk, to do more than whimper and struggle to get air into his lungs. Mollymauk reached him first, reaching for his hands and Mollymauk was the first to be struck as something ripped itself free from Caleb. It started at the tips of his fingers and lead up through his arms. There was nothing visible but it felt as though it was coming right out of his skin. 

Emerald light, not that different from the green crystals on the desk, poured out from Caleb’s coat, shedding in the process of breaking free of his body. It wrapped around Mollymauk’s hands and arms and up to the ceiling while dragging him with it and out of Caleb’s immediate reach. 

“Molly!” The name tore out of Caleb’s throat and he managed to get halfway up from his knees. 

Essek was too close, he was going to be caught next. Caleb pushed him away but it was too late, the green light caught and wound around him, dragging him away and up from him. 

“No. Trent. Fuck you, give them back!” 

Trent Ikithon stepped out from where he’d been amidst the shelves of strange objects floating in jars. Those closest to him twitched in the jars as though still alive. Or partially so. He was older, his beard neatly trimmed around his jaw and liver spots in his bald head. But he didn’t look so old as Caleb remembered him, and his memory of Ikithon haunted his dreams regularly enough he’d known precisely what he looked like five years ago. 

“Such language, Bren. That is not something you learned here,” Trent said. His voice didn’t even rise in emotion at all. 

“No, the only things I’ve learned from you is the disposability of others and the accumulation of power,” Caleb snarled, voice hoarse and broken in his throat. 

Finally Trent showed some emotion, a smirk spreading across his lips while one hand gestured at the the two captured fey. “A lesson it would seem you have learned well. What are their Names, Bren?”

If nothing else, not even Ikithon could compel Caleb to give up information he didn’t know. Of course neither Mollymauk nor Essek had been foolish enough to trust him with their truenames. 

“The purple one is Eatshit, and the purple one is Getfucked,” Caleb said, stringing phrases together so it would take Ikithon a moment to parse what he’d said.

“They’re both purple,” Ikithon said, irritated more by the confusion of which one Caleb meant, indicating he hadn’t processed the names he’d given then. There was a pressure in Caleb’s chest, drawing tight across his shoulders so that he could not contain a pained sound. Ikithon was forcing him to answer the question now. “Which one is Eat- ah. I see what you’ve done there.”

Caleb forced a mocking smile. He could hear the struggle of his two companions, Mollymauk trying to get his attention on one side while Essek was trying to draw on his powers on the other. 

“Well, if you haven’t got their names, you are disposable at this point,” Ikithon’s voice was still neutral, but the smirk faded into a look of not mad, just disappointed that Caleb was familiar with. 

Ikithon said a spell Caleb couldn’t quite hear, gesturing with both hands. The glittering green crystals that had fallen free of Caleb’s arms spun up around him, cutting his arms and face before shaping themselves into a gleaming lance. Caleb couldn’t make his body react, more aware of Essek’s voice, of Mollymauk violently trying to get free of a cage that burned his skin as he fought it. His mind raced; in a space like this, a spell that utilized the shards of residuum would be very useful. His time ran out and Caleb hadn’t moved from where he’d knelt on the basement floor, the crystalline lance ran him through and it was all pain which made it very hard to think. 

Mollymauk was using very colorful language as he fought the cage, and Essek was no longer speaking a tongue Caleb even understood. The ground was at a different angle than Caleb thought it ought to be, cheek pressed against the cold, sticky surface. Oh, he was bleeding a lot. He tried to reassure Essek it was nothing, but his fingers tangled in a gold chain, glittering in the dim lights. 

Safety. The direction he was laying, Caleb could see an edge of Mollymauk’s coat but nothing else of either of his companions. He didn’t even have the breath to tell them he would be back. He would not abandon them. With a trembling hand, Caleb grasped the end of the necklace Essek had given him and twisted it free of the top. 

Think of a place of safety. 

It hurt more than he thought it possible as Caleb was torn away from the basement, from the academy, and from the two people he wanted to leave the least in the whole world. 

He bounced off the stairs, rolling down into the snow and leaving a red trail that would be easy enough to follow. Cold snow against his wounds was soothing and it would have been so easy to let go and allow the cold to consume him. He struggled to keep the cold away, reaching for the trailer steps as though he would claw his way up to knock.

“Did you feel that? Was that an earthquake? What does an earthquake feel like?” Beauregard’s voice, coming through the thin walls of the trailer. 

The door opened; against the encroaching darkness and grey, the square of light and Nott’s familiar and unmistakable outline was the most welcome thing. Safety. 

“Caleb!”

He stayed awake just long enough to cough up blood onto the front steps trying to speak her name, and to feel familiar hands start to pick him up.


	8. Hitting Rock Bottom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Badly planned rescues are a group activity!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yasha is a whole mood this chapter and I love her. 
> 
> The secondary title for this chapter is "in which Caleb remembers he has a spine"
> 
> Has anyone thought about how "wizard school dropout" fits the cadence of Beauty School Dropout?

Time didn’t seem to work how Caleb had always thought it did. Everything changed between blinking his eyes, dark and grey and pain all warring to consume his consciousness. It won frequently, particularly at first when he was carried into the trailer by Yasha. Caleb tried to explain to Yasha that Mollymauk needed her, that Mollymauk was in trouble and it was his fault, but all he could manage was a faint noise that only sounded like an approximation of his voice.

“It’s going to be okay, Caleb,” Nott reassured him in a voice that wouldn’t have reassured anyone. But it was soothing. Even if she was wrong.

It wasn’t going to be okay. Even if he was okay, here in this safe place that he’d chosen to escape to; until he could get Mollymauk and Essek back from Ikithon’s grasp it was never going to be okay. They’d trusted him and he had led them into a trap.

But the effort of correcting Nott, of struggling against strong arms carrying him, it was all too much and Caleb slipped back under the muddy waters of unconsciousness. It felt like blinking, but when his eyes opened again the trailer was dark and he still hurt. 

Moving was a new sort of hard, stiff where his was bandaged and heavy like a weight was on his legs. As soon as he tried to shift the weight off, Nott’s large, luminous eyes opened and peered up at him in the darkness. They reflected the scant light coming in through one of the curtained windows of the trailer. 

“Go back to sleep, Caleb. You’re safe here,” she patted his knee as she spoke. He wasn’t sure if she’d been sleeping or keeping an eye on him, but she’d been curled on top of his lower legs like a cat. 

A cat.

“Frumpkin.”

“What?”

Frumpkin was still at the school and if he could just- if his head would stop spinning and if he could just concentrate he could see through his eyes.

“Caleb? Caleb!” Nott’s voice followed him into the darkness.

He thought he’d blinked but the trailer was now full of light and arguing voices. As quickly as he had opened his eyes he closed them again, feeling stiff and hungover and just wanting to go back to sleep so he could sleep forever. 

“He would have come back with him. Instead he just showed up covered in blood. I’m going to look for him.” That was Yasha, her usually quiet voice suppressing more emotion than Caleb was used to hearing in it. 

“We don’t even know where to look and we can’t wake Caleb up to ask what happened. He’s barely hanging on. I still think we should get that guy- you remember the guy? Let me uh, he had the pink hair, remember?” Beauregard spoke this time, and for all that she put such effort into not caring about anything around her, her words were hard and sharp and worried.

“The tea guy. I think there was something in that tea,” Nott added.

“Yeah but like, he seems like the sort of guy who’d know a guy. Or at least know where to hide the bodies, you know? I think we need a professional but we’re not just going to drag our dying friend to some shitty hospital and this guy is only like, the other side of the cemetery.” Though he appreciated that Beauregard knew he didn’t want to go to a hospital, he wasn’t sure that he wanted to be treated by a stranger in pink hair. Or his friend. Who would probably be what, blue? 

“He needs to explain where Molly is or we will need help hiding a body.” Yasha sounded serious and Caleb wasn’t sure if she meant it or not. If they couldn't get Mollymauk and Essek back he just might ask her to dispatch him.

He took a deep, shuddering breath and managed to raise his hand a few inches. It felt like running a marathon. Caleb’s body was so heavy and his hands felt so far from the rest of himself. 

“Mollymauk-” Caleb’s voice was raspy and weak and he had to stop to breathe before he’d said more than the one word. In his defense Molly’s name was a stupid number of syllables.

Movement in the trailer. His eyes were still closed but Caleb knew the rough, small hands that wrapped around his. Nott’s hands were warm and her voice was close when she spoke. “Caleb it’s alright.”

“No, let him talk. Where is Molly?” Yasha’s voice was hard when she spoke, also closer than while she’d been talking to the others.

“He has them,” Caleb cracked his eyes open and the trailer seemed so bright. “I can- I can take us-” But he was interrupted by a fit of coughing, a bubbling, bursting feeling in his chest where there shouldn’t have been. 

The crystals, the spear. How was he not dead? Ikithon had meant to kill him and there was a small thrill to still be alive. To defy Ikithon on this one, small thing. It wasn’t much of a thrill and, at this point, Caleb wasn’t certain he would survive long enough to do anything about it.

“Stop it. Don’t push him,” Nott insisted. He could just see her shadow, through his lashes, as she put herself between the much larger shape of Yasha and him. “He can’t tell you anything right now.”

“I’m going to call that guy?” Beauregard was the only one who hadn’t gotten closer, as far as Caleb could tell, listening to their voices. “‘Cause uh, dude looks bad. I think he might be bleeding again and we’re not doctors. We like, can’t fix anything inside him.”

Caleb wanted to argue, no don’t call the guy, but the bubbling feeling in his chest was making it hard to breathe. His eyelids were getting heavy and it was impossible not to blink and let the muddy grey pull him back under.

The next time Caleb woke up, he didn’t feel nearly so heavy and the trailer smelled like incense. Was that the tea guy? The tea guy with the pink hair and a friend? Caleb opened one eye slowly but the well-lit trailer was empty of anyone but the women who called it home. Yasha was standing at the window, large arms crossed over her chest and her back to Caleb so he couldn’t see her expression. Beauregard was sitting on her bed, chin on her hand while she scrolled on her phone and looked cross. He didn’t see Nott, but beside the bed was a small pamphlet that looked like it was extolling the virtues of a band or something called the Traveler. It wasn’t a bad name, as band names went. 

He still hurt, but the he was no longer overwhelmed by the sensation. Whoever Beauregard’s tea guy was, he seemed to have done something for Caleb. How much would he owe this stranger? As Essek often reminded him, no favor was free. 

“Yasha,” he lifted his hand and tried to push himself up to sit, only to discover even if he was feeling better, he was not well enough to sit yet. Caleb’s voice was just barely above a whisper and he felt uncertain whether it would reach her or not.

Heavy feet and the imposing presence of Yasha was beside his bed. “Caleb.” When she spoke, the hardness in her voice was gone and she sounded soft and tired. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, watching her shadow pull a chair and sit down beside the bed he was on. Was it Nott’s? It hadn’t been, back when he had been sharing the trailer with her and Beauregard. “I’m sorry that I could not… that I could not.” He lamely finished the sentence and dropped his hand back onto the blanket.

“You would not have abandoned him if there was anything you could do,” Yasha said. There was something heavy in her voice and Caleb could not identify it. “Sometimes there is nothing that you can do. Caleb, is Molly..?” She trailed off, similarly unable to finish her sentence anymore than Caleb could apologize for any particular thing. 

“Yes. No,” words tumbled together and Caleb couldn’t tell if he was answering if Mollymauk was alive or dead. “He is alive.”

“We’ll get him back then.” There was the quiet confidence of a storm in Yasha’s voice. The assurance of a woman who, once her mind was made up on a matter, nothing was capable of stopping her. It was the confidence Caleb had only briefly had in his youth, when he had still believed in Ikithon and the mission.

“Ja. I will get him back, just as soon as I-”

“We, dumbass,” Beauregard interrupted. “You got run through and almost died on your own. If you think we’re letting you out of this trailer unsupervised, you’re even dumber than I thought.”

“Where is Nott?” Caleb asked. 

“Hidden so well you’ll never know she’s there. You try to slip out and BAM,” Beau made a noise with her hand as she spoke and Caleb couldn’t see the gesture but she’d probably punched her fist by the sound of it. “She’ll be all over your boney-”

“I have pizza!” Nott’s voice accompanied the barest shift of the trailer’s balance and the door opening as she entered.

“Fuck, Nott, I was making him paranoid. Like you’re going to follow him around and shit.” The intensity in Beauregard’s voice dropped down into her normal tones. 

“Oh. Oh I am. And, if he tries to do anything stupid without us we’ll know all about it. Stupid rescues are group activities, Caleb.” Nott’s voice moved across the trailer and Caleb couldn’t fight the smallest of smiles on his face.

Nott was followed by the scent of pizza as she moved across the trailer and, though he didn’t have it before, Caleb found the strength to sit up just a little on the bed. Pizza had magic powers like that. 

“Pizza is for team players,” Beauregard said, similarly following the movement of Nott and the pizza with interest. 

“I did not say that I was unwilling to be a team player,” Caleb mumbled, trying not to sound as petulant as he felt. “I just- I don’t want to leave them there. I can’t leave them there, I can’t wait until I am ready because then it will be too late. Ikithon is doing terrible things while we are arguing about pizza.”

The relatively blank looks on their faces served as a reminder to Caleb that he had not hold his friends nearly enough about why he liked to keep moving, where he’d come from and what he had survived to reach them. 

“Who is they?” Beauregard asked, opening the box of pizza and pulling out the first piece. “And what’s an Icky Thong?”

Caleb took a deep breath and released it slowly. “If you give me some of that pizza, I will explain. And then you may decide if you would like to join me on this fool’s errand or not.”

The three women exchanged glances and Nott formally offered Caleb pizza on a napkin, while they all turned their attention to Caleb. He took too large of a bite of pizza to give himself time to think, where to start his story at. 

He wasn’t a particularly adept storyteller, but he held the attention of his audience well enough. Occasionally one of them would interrupt with a question or seeking clarification, but as often as not Caleb wouldn’t know the answer. There were holes in his story, holes in his memory, holes where entire people had once been and he hadn’t known until he tried to lay the whole tapestry of it out. 

“But wait, I thought you were like. In love with Molly,” Beauregard interjected while Caleb was talking about Essek. 

Caleb flushed and tried to look away but was unable to pull his gaze from Beauregard’s intense expression. “I- Love is a strong word, Beauregard. I care about both of them. Very much.”

“Tight tight tight. But like, you had sex with both of them right?” The question was accompanied by a suggestive gesture. “Bumped uglies?”

Fixed by all their eyes, Caleb just wanted to disappear. But he cleared his throat instead of retreating. “Ah. Yes.”

“Bomb. High five. Too much? Okay forget the high five but like, Essek better be super hot,” she offered her hand and then took it back. 

“So this professor fellow, Icky Thong,” Nott was speaking now. Caleb had tried to correct them at the beginning when there had been the most questions, but had given up when they didn’t care about getting his name right. “He’s doing what with your two boy toys?”

“They’re not toys. Well, Molly’s not. He’d better not be, unless he wants to be a toy and then it’s okay,” Yasha glared half-heartedly at Nott. “Caleb, are you able to stand?”

Pizza had briefly left Caleb with a feeling of warmth and completeness, but delving into his own personal past had drained that vitality from him. Standing seemed like an impossible task but Caleb was willing to at least try. 

He swung his legs over the side of the bunk and had to stop, breathing rapidly to steady his racing heart and spinning head. “I do not think I will be able to stand. But I can- I can draw a teleportation circle, if someone is willing to help. I can make it work. I have a- a way to get to Essek, to make the circle. And if Yasha or Beauregard would consent to carrying me through. I can be useful. Please do not make them wait for me.”

“Maybe we should give him the potion.” Yasha looked at Nott and Beauregard as she said this, her voice sounding resigned rather than hopeful.

“Potion? There is a potion?” Caleb asked.

“Yeah my guy’s friend left it with me but it’s pretty shady shit is all. It’ll make you feel better for a few hours or something and then you’re going to crash and be worse when it wears off. You could die, man,” Beauregard explained.

“How many hours?” Caleb asked.

“See, this is why I didn’t want him to know about it,” Nott closed the empty pizza box aggressively. 

“Nott, I have every confidence that you will not let me die.” The strangest thing, for Caleb, was he realized he meant every single word as he said it. Nott wouldn’t let him die when a potion wore off anymore than she had let him die when he’d fallen like a broken doll into the snow. What was even stranger was that Caleb trusted Yasha and Beauregard as well. “But we should go now.”

“Caleb.” The little goblin girl closed her hands around Caleb’s, looking up at him with large, golden eyes. “This isn’t about us, it’s about you. And these boys wouldn’t want you to die either.”

“I cannot be happy if they are suffering for me.” Caleb’s voice was thick with emotion when he spoke. “Please, let me take the potion and I will be the most compliant patient you have ever seen. I can be a team player, I had the pizza, remember?”

Yasha looked to Nott and waited until the goblin nodded at her before opening a chest beside one of the bunks and pulling out a small vial from the interior. The vial was glass and held a luridly pink concoction that seemed to be made of glitter and ooze. It didn’t inspire confidence and the vial was definitely made to look phallic. 

“What is that?” Caleb asked, dismayed by the appearance of the potion. 

“Yeah, we didn’t design the bottle, man. If you want to rescue your boyfriends, you gotta suck the potion from the dick, okay?” Beauregard grinned at him, enjoying his embarrassment and discomfort. 

“But why is it-” he paused, trying to think of another way to describe the potion. There was no denying that it was a penis. “Why is it aggressively pink?”

“Look, the girl likes pink, okay? She fixed you up and left this just in case you were stupid enough to insist on going after them.” While she spoke, Beauregard crossed her arms and then turned around to dig in her things until she found a long staff with dark-worn marks in the wood where her hands seemed to naturally settle on it. “So drink your dick juice and let’s get going before I realize this is a bad idea.”

Caleb accepted the vial from Yasha and watched Nott pull an absurd number of knives from her footlocker, hiding them about her person. Yasha opened a closet and pulled a severely shaped sword almost as tall as her and strapped it onto her back. 

“Ja. Let us go and get- them.” He uncorked the vial as he said this, trying hard not to think of it as penis juice but it was impossible not to think of it now that Beauregard put the idea in his head.

The potion was thick like honey and cloying sweet. And tasted like blueberries which he hadn’t expected. He didn’t know what would happen with this particular potion other than the grit of glitter in his teeth. But despite the viscous nature of the liquid and the overwhelming sweetness, he swallowed it easily in one go.

“Taking it like a champ. Here’s your books.” Ready to go already, Beauregard offered Caleb his holster.

He was very careful about putting weight on his legs, but Caleb found standing to be much easier than he’d anticipated. It felt ridiculous to even be wearing bandages now that he thought of it, but he didn’t think anyone in the room would much appreciate him removing them just for a little more range of motion. Caleb slung his holster around his shoulders and ran his hands over the books, confident and whole and certain they could get Mollymauk and Essek back, just as soon as they left. 

“Do we have a plan?” Nott asked. “I mean, other than stabbing Icky Thong a lot. Because that is my plan.” 

“It will be fine,” Caleb said. Some part of him knew the bravado and confidence was not entirely his, but another part of him liked the feeling. It was like intoxication. “You stab, I blast. Yasha will- Yasha do you know how to use that?” He was already pulling purple chalk from his pockets and beginning his circle in the middle of the floor. 

She turned mis-matched eyes to Caleb with a look of such scorn he knew better than to ask again. 

Caleb turned his attention to the precise drawing on the floor, the formation of each rune and line and the artistry of it. He felt so vitally alive and doing something important that it was hard to slow down enough to make the circle right. And it had to be right, he was haunted by the school in his sleep but one incorrect piece of the teleportation circle and they could end up anywhere.

“Ready?” Nearly ten minutes into drawing and Caleb looked up to find all three of his companions watching him. 

“You sure that medicine was a good idea?” Beauregard asked, raising an eyebrow.

“What?”

“Dude you’re like, bleeding again,” she waved a hand at his torso.

“That is nonsense I feel- oh what do you know?” Caleb looked down. Stretching into a position to work on his circle must have been more than the bandages could prevent from reopening the wound and a dark stain had spread across the front of his fresh shirt. He hadn’t felt a thing. He still didn’t. He felt fine and energized and ready to take on the world. 

“Take your shirt off, Caleb, let me take a look at it,” Beauregard crouched down. 

“But the circle-” he started.

“Will be there when you’re not bleeding before the fight even starts. There’s plenty of time to bleed after we get your boyfriends back, you know? You can do that hurt comfort shit together.” She finished for him and then continued. 

“What is hurt comfort?” Caleb asked, pulling off his shirt and setting it aside to expose the bandages around his torso.

“It’s nothing okay? Just- shut up. It’s nothing.” 

She was a little more rough with fixing Caleb’s bandages than perhaps was strictly necessary. Given that he still felt as though he’d eaten a star, Caleb didn’t mind. Beauregard made short work of changing his bandages for something fresh and he tried to put it in mind that he ought to inquire where she had gotten such a proficiency with attending to wounds. It was hard to concentrate when everything was happening so fast.

“There. Now we’re ready to go. We haven’t got a lot of time before that potion wears off and at that point you’re going to drop like a potato sack,” she handed him his shirt back.

“Caleb we’ll make sure you get home okay,” Nott patted his hand, peering up at him with her eyes that still caught far more light than they should. 

“Thank you, Nott. I hope that the goal is not to leave anyone behind,” he answered. He scanned the floor and found where he’d set his chalk down.

“Well, definitely not Molly but this other fellow I’m not sure that I approve of him yet,” said Nott, making a face.

Caleb tried to be careful of injuries he couldn’t feel as he knelt to finish the circle. “Then we shall have to retrieve him so that you can meet Essek and then properly disapprove of him, ja?” 

“Oh I like that plan.”

Caleb half heard Nott as he finished the last marks. It was a very strange experience to be working spells without his arms resonating with the spell itself. Would he still feel the fae when they were in proximity? Without the residuum in his veins would Essek or Mollymauk even be interested in- He didn’t want to rescue them because he liked that they liked him. Or he thought they liked him. He wanted to save them because no one should be caught in whatever plot Ikithon had devised for them.

Once the chalk circle was complete, Caleb sat up on his heels to look at it, double checking everything was perfect. Without a circle on the other end to direct them, it was difficult at best to teleport to an ordinary location. But Rexxentrum was no ordinary location, it was warded against intruders entering through this very means. Most intruders didn’t have what Caleb did. He fidgeted with the silvery ring on his hand, stomach twisting. What if it didn’t work? Then he would no longer have a way to draw a connection to Essek. No, it had to work. And if it didn’t he would find something else. Caleb removed the ring from his finger for the first time in years, placing it in the palm of his hand. He drew on his own connection to Frumpkin to target the teleportation circle and fed power into the ring that connected to Essek to punch through the barriers that would keep a lesser wizard from Rexxentrum. The ring briefly lit up in his hand and then dissolved to fall into the circle below.

The chalk circle lit up, so bright that it left dazzling spots in Caleb’s vision that he tried to blink away before his brain caught up and he remembered that they had a limited amount of time to make it through the portal. 

“Through the circle, friends.” He waved them through and watched them disappear before following at the end. Friends. An interesting choice of words. Had he thought that about them before now? There was no way he was leaving any of them behind this time. 

It was brightly lit inside the school when Caleb stumbled out of the portal and found himself caught by one of Yasha’s arms before he could stumble on an overturned chair. When had it gotten to be daylight? Had it been day the whole time? Everything was too fast or too slow and the appeal of this potion was starting to wear off as Caleb could not think in a straight line. He could not control the fire inside if he could not control himself.

“Ah. Thank you. They are down in the basement. I think.” Now it was disorienting to not be able to feel the signature vibrations that were the two of them. 

“You can’t tell? Don’t you have that ol’ wooga-wooga feeling in your arms?” Nott asked. 

“What is a wooga-wooga?” Yasha asked, making sure that Caleb was steady on his feet before letting go of his arm. 

“I cannot. I lost-” everything. He’d lost everything when he was here. “The residuum that echoed off of them.” 

“Huh. Let’s go find them then. Do you know how to reach the basement?” Beau asked. 

“Ja. Follow me.” 

Ikithon wouldn’t expect him to come back a second time. Caleb was a coward and they both knew that. He liked to think that he would have come back for Essek and Mollymauk, but he didn’t know if he would have had the courage to without the three women backing him up. Everything. He owed them everything. Finding the door down to the basement was easier with the light coming in from outside than it had been in the absolute darkness before. 

“I’ll check if it’s locked!” Nott pulled a set of tools from the front of her blouse and tested the door before getting to work on the lock. 

“Did you check for traps? Man, we talked about this,” Beauregard whispered.

“Who puts traps in a school?” Nott asked and pushed the now-unlocked door open. 

To Caleb’s surprise, nothing happened. 

“I told you so,” Nott declared and stepped across the threshold to the stairs. Her toes crossed a thin, silver line before any of them could spot it and immediately an alarm began to clang in the hallway they were huddled together. “Oh. Shit.”

“Smooth. Real smooth,” Beauregard grumbled. She vaulted over the goblin and headed down the stairs ahead of the rest of them. 

“Wait for me!” Nott was fast on her heels, though Beauregard was far faster than it seemed possible. 

“Don’t hurt yourself following us,” Yasha warned. “We need your magic if he’s as powerful a wizard as you say.” 

Caleb hated that they were going ahead without him. That they didn’t need him. Maybe Yasha was trying to tell him to be careful, but Caleb rushed after the three of them. He wasn’t going to lose them just to make sure he was absolved of leaving the other two behind. Caleb was going to make sure all of them were safe. 

He took the stairs two at a time and thanks to the potion, didn’t know if he was being too fast or too reckless with his body while it was recovering. It felt like he could have run a mile though, could have leapt down the stairs like a superhero. Caleb stopped midway down the stairs and fingered his books. He had to exert control or everything would be a waste. The last bit of the stairs he moved much more carefully, listening to the sounds ahead of him. 

It sounded like he was missing some sort of villainous speech on the part of Ikithon but caught the tail end when Nott interrupted with, “Give it up Icky-thong!”

Beauregard spoke next, her voice easily carrying to the stairwell where Caleb was creeping down. “Yeah dude, creepy bullshit bla bla eternal life. We get it man, you’ve got the whole evil thing going on.” There was a pause and Caleb couldn’t hear who was speaking before her voice came back again. “What she said. So you’ve got two choices. Give the two pretty purple boys back or we take them.” 

Caleb could hear the sound of a large sword being drawn and the swell of magic that raised the hair on his arms like static electricity. Clearly Ikithon had not chosen to give them the two captives he held because the sounds coming up from the basement were combat now and Caleb hurried to close the rest of the distance. 

The basement was what he recalled and it was easy enough to follow the sounds of fighting to find his friends. Seeing Ikithon made Caleb feel nauseous; not even the potion keeping him moving was enough to push that reaction back. Later. Like bleeding, being sick could be dealt with later. 

Caleb stayed back in the shadows, briefly following Beauregard and Yasha as they worked in tandem to fight Ikithon. Beauregard was fast, Caleb saw her dodge two spells and then deflect a third with her forearms. They glowed, soft and blue and he realized she wore a matched pair of bracelets he’d never seen before. Yahsa meanwhile was slow and deliberate and treated Ikithon like a particularly dangerous tree. Instead of moving out of the way of his spells, she endured them and static crackled through her hair like she was drawing electricity to herself. He wasn’t sure where Nott had gone, but a fierce warmth in Caleb’s chest reassured him that she was there, waiting for the opportune moment. 

Mollymauk. Essek. Caleb tore his gaze away from the fight with difficulty. They were still suspended in the same cages they had been in the last time he saw them. Essek looked wan and pale, trying to touch as little of the iron of the cage as he possibly could but with his wrist bound to one edge by a heavy cuff. Plastic tubing ran from his arm to one of the work stations covered in residuum but Caleb couldn’t see what Ikithon had been doing with the essence of blood that he was draining from the elf. The second cage held Mollymauk who was more resilient toward the iron but still had piled the tatty remnants of his amazing coat beneath himself as best he could to avoid touching it. His eyes were watching the battle between Ikithon, Beauregard and Yasha, face betraying little emotion and if Caleb hadn’t watched him blink he might have thought him dead. There was none of the plastic tubing running out of Mollymauk’s cage, but what purple skin Caleb could see looked bruised and his fingers were grimey with old blood.

“Essek.” Caleb stood beneath the elf, reaching up to the hand bound to the cage and just above his eyeline. He’d been closer and the tight feeling in Caleb’s chest constricted because the elf’s fingers were cold against his. There was no resonance; it was logical with the absence of residuum in his blood but the lack of the familiar and welcome sensation was brutal.

Mollymauk’s eyes snapped his direction but he didn’t move other than the tiniest flick of his tail. Caleb could hear Essek breathing, hoarse and shallow, but there wasn’t much response to his touch. 

“Wicht, will he make it long enough for me to help stop Ikithon?” Caleb asked, meeting that red gaze. 

“Do you think I’ll remember this life, when I die?” Mollymauk asked.

Because he didn’t have pupils, it was difficult to tell his eyes were unfocused. Caleb gave Essek’s hand a squeeze and turned to Mollymauk’s cage, reaching up for the tail dangling out of the bars. No echo, but Molly’s tail was warm and that was as reassuring as anything could be in the given situation. The changeling flinched at his touch and he focused, surprised to see Caleb there. His tail wrapped around his wrist, painfully tight and trembling. “Are you real this time?”

“Yes, Mr. Tealeaf. We are here to rescue you. Where are the keys?” 

Mollymauk sat up, slow and painful and revealing intricate cuts on his forearms as the sleeves of his shirt fell away. “Ikithon has them. Caleb. You have to get away, none of this is going to- he has a barrier that they won't be able to get through. Please, I can’t- I can’t watch you die again.”

“Barrier?” 

Caleb turned his head to look in the direction of the fight and watched as a bolt streaked from nowhere. It was a shot that should have hit Ikithon square in the chest, but ricocheted off at a strange angle after hitting a pale, yellow wall. Neither Beauregard nor Yasha’s blows were able to land now that he was looking at where they struck instead of being impressed with their skills. 

He gently detangled his wrist from Mollymauk’s tail and pointedly ignored the changeling’s hissed urging that he go. Caleb had saved himself more than once; this time he was going to save someone else. There wasn’t time to think about it really. He walked to the workstation with the scattered residuum crystals. He grabbed the largest crystal and the stone was warm in his hands, he could feel the pulse of energy inside. The echo was familiar and Caleb followed the plastic tube where it ran all the way back to Essek’s arm. 

“I am sorry Essek. But I need this to save you.” 

He released the crystal, letting it hover between his hands while he pulled his own energy around himself. So Ikithon had a barrier, huh. The residuum spun between his hands, fast and then faster until he could feel it starting to come apart. He’d seen this done enough times, had the scars on his arms and knew the scars on his fellow students. Caleb let the crystal break into countless fragments, controlling groups of them rather than trying to manage each separate piece. Like schools of fish. The heightened senses from the healing potion he’d ingested helped to guide each school of crystals to the correct point on his arm. It also helped to deaden the pain when the crystals imbedded themselves beneath his skin, though it didn’t do much for the initial pain or the sudden awareness of all the magic around him. Of Mollymauk and the echo of his magic, of Essek and the pulse of his divided between the elf and the workstation. But bearing over all of that was the heavy resonance of Ikithon that was almost enough to overwhelm Caleb.

Instead of fighting the sickening, familiar sensation of Ikithon’s magic, Caleb focussed on it. He attuned his own energy to it while channeling magic into his hands. Caleb couldn’t even hear his own voice over the pounding in his head and his ears, but he pointed at Ikithon and drew a sigil in the air. 

“You’ve done enough harm, Trent. Your chance to let them go is gone.” The symbol lit up the air around Caleb and the surprise on Ikithon’s face let him know that he’d been right. Ikithon had never expected him to come back. It wasn’t that long ago that he would have been right, but he hadn’t taken into account that Caleb now had more than himself to look out for. 

There was a flash and the fire inside Caleb hovered in the air around him. He’d meant to draw the power of the residuum, but fire could burn a shield away as effectively as power. The pale, yellow light of Ikithon’s shield flashed and fire spread across it like a match on gasoline. It was almost beautiful. 

The potion was wearing off. Caleb was starting to feel all the individual injuries; his torso, his arms, and he felt himself begin to tremble with the effort of maintaining control over the fire and himself. 

A knife flew out of the shadows while the world seemed to suspend itself, Caleb saw the silver flash of it and followed it back to two lamp-like eyes blinking in the darkness where Nott had hidden. Ikithon staggered when the knife sank in between his shoulders. Beauregard popped him once with each fist, then brought her leg around to drive the blade further into his chest. Yasha moved deliberately, her sword coming around in a mighty arc that didn’t stop when it struck Ikithon’s neck; passing through like he was made of no stronger material than butter. 

For a moment, the length of a single beat of Caleb’s heart, everything seemed very still. Frozen. Trent Ikithon didn’t understand what had happened yet, his face registering the same surprise that Caleb was even there as being stabbed or losing his head. 

And then Caleb’s heart beat again. Ikithon collapsed, covering Yasha in a spray of blood before landing in a puddle of his own blood and fluids. The attention of the room was focussed on that point so no one reacted when Caleb drew the fire back to himself, letting the energy of the barrier it had burned settle in his chest. 

He tried to speak and found only a thin croak before clearing his throat. It was enough to get at least Mollymauk’s attention to him. “Where is Nott? Mollymauk says Ikithon had the key but we have to get Essek out of that iron cage quickly. Bitte.” 

Nott materialized and rummaged through Ikithon’s pockets while Yasha moved to Mollymauk’s cage. 

“Molly.” She wove her hand into his and leaned her forehead against the bars. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” he reassured her, shifting so their foreheads were almost touching. 

“You almost did.”

Mollymauk shifted in the cage now that it wasn’t free swinging with Yasha holding it. When he spoke, his voice was pitched low but Caleb was close enough he could still hear it, even though most of his effort was put into remaining upright. “I know. Don’t hold it against him. He did come back for us, even if he shouldn’t have.”

Yasha let her breath out sharply and Caleb couldn’t tell if it was a laugh or not without looking. “Well. Yes. But if I forgive him that means I have to forgive myself, and I’m not ready for that yet.”

Now that was a statement that bore unpacking. Caleb put a hand on the edge of the worktable he was still positioned by, leaning heavily against the sturdy surface. Just a little bit longer and he could send them all back to the trailers. 

“Yasha, come stand over here, I need you to be my ladder,” Nott demanded from beneath Essek’s cage. 

“Did you find the keys?” Caleb asked, picking up his head. He hadn’t realized it had been sagging until it was a lot of work to look her direction. 

“I’m sure it’s one of these, but I also have lockpicks,” she assured him, jingling a large ring of keys in his direction.

“You look like shit, dude.” Beauregard had her arms crossed while she judged him. “What happened to your arms? Are these expensive? Like, could we sell them?” The latter question was directed at the residuum on the table he was leaning on. 

“Probably, but we should not. They are created from Essek’s essence,” he explained. Talking was taking a lot of effort and the basement was grey around the edges. But if he bent to put his head between his knees and not faint, Caleb wasn’t sure he could stand back up again. 

“What? Like, spooge?” she asked, nose wrinkling. 

“I am not sure what this word is.” He finally gave up on standing, lowering himself to the ground less-than-gracefully until he was sprawled on the floor. 

Beauregard squatted down, arms resting on her knees as she lowered herself to relatively the same height as Caleb. “You know. Spunk. Jizz. Come. His man-juices. Semen?” This explanation was accompanied by a gesture.

“Gross. No, it is not- no. Is that all you can think about?” Caleb asked. 

“Sometimes. What about your arms though, how come they’re all fucked up? Let me see them.” Her hands were surprisingly gentle as she pulled one of Caleb’s arms away from his body to push what was left of his sleeves out of the way. Without waiting to ask, she pulled the wraps from her own arms and started to wind them around Caleb’s. “Some of these scars are old, dude.”

“Well, we just decapitated my former teacher who is keeping two people in cages, so perhaps that gives you a sense of what happened here,” he stopped, his voice wavering with both suppressed emotion and exhaustion. 

“Hey. It’s okay, dude. I just want to make sure I’m not going to make it worse by keeping the bleeding down.” Beauregard gave him back one arm and switched to wrapping bandages around the other. “Just chill here while we get them down and then we’ll figure out where the hell we are and how we’re getting home.”

“I like home,” Caleb said. 

She grinned and threw something blue and sweaty down on the ground. Without warning she pushed his shoulder and he fell back onto it without any real resistance. It was the shirt she’d been wearing over her tank top and it smelled terrible. “Yup.” 

At least the world wasn’t fading out. The potion had completely worn off and Caleb was just sore and tired and wanted nothing more than to be in a bed instead of on a disgusting floor with a jock’s sweaty shirt as a pillow. From his position he could at least see Nott where she had just found the right key to free Essek’s hand and the elf rouse just a little. 

“Wh-?” He drew back, startled by the goblin’s admitting not-reassuring appearance so close to him. 

“Don’t worry,” Mollymauk spoke up. He sounded exhausted, eyes little more than red slits. “Look who they brought. Caleb move a hand so he can see you’re not dead.” 

Caleb wanted to sit up, wanted to reassure both of them that he was alright, but he knew he was bleeding and, as Beauregard put it, looked like shit. But he turned his gaze toward Essek and lifted one bandage-wrapped hand toward him. “Ja, I am here. I am not dead yet.”

Essek’s gaze settled on him, direct and intense. 

“He’s real, snow puff,” Mollymauk said. 

Briefly, Essek’s eyes flicked to the changeling and then back to Caleb. He barely blinked when Nott got the door to his cage open. 

“Do you want help out?” Yasha asked, unperturbed by Nott climbing back down as though she were a tree with a lot of convenient handholds. 

“Yes.” Finally his attention on Caleb relaxed as he turned his gaze toward Yasha to take her in. 

Yasha put one arm into the cage and steadied it with her elbow while Essek put an arm around her neck with all the tension of an overcooked noodle. She eased him out as carefully as she could, arms around his torso while pulling legs from the iron. It was obvious Essek wasn’t going to support himself yet, so she took the few steps to Caleb’s side and lowered him to the ground beside him. 

“Hi,” Caleb met his gaze, finding Essek’s fingers with his hand. 

“I thought-” he started.

“I know. I am sorry,” Caleb interrupted. It didn’t matter if Essek had thought he’d died or thought he’d abandoned him. “Give me your arm.” 

Essek didn’t hesitate, offering the arm with the line of tube running out of it. Caleb found the cleanest bit of his shirt that he could and put a little pressure there the line connected, pulling the needle from the elf’s arm and tossing it away from them both. Essek kept touching him with an unsteady hand as he did, reassuring himself that Caleb was real or at least tangible. The echo of Essek was weak, but it was there and Caleb’s breath caught when he picked up on it, carrying up his arms to feebly beat inside his chest.

Above them, Yasha was standing quite steady as Nott made quick work of releasing Mollymauk. Now that she had some of the keys worked out, it was simple enough for the rogue to set him free. 

“Let me guess, you also want to be next to Caleb,” Yasha asked him, one arm swept beneath Mollymauk’s knees as she carried him bridal style with ease. 

“I have two hands,” Caleb declared, feeling all eyes in the room turn to him. 

“Holy shit you did bone down with both of them,” Beauregard said, eyes widening. “Caleb. Bro. I’m so proud of you right now. You owe me a fucking high five later. And maybe some deets.”

Mollymauk laughed so soft that it was likely only Essek and Caleb heard him, already next to them on the floor. He found Caleb’s hand, holding it so careful between both of his own. “That, Beau, is between us, no?” The resonance of Molly was just as feeble as Essek, but it was clearly there, echoing in his chest in harmony without the elf.

There was something wonderful about laying on the ground between two men he loved, even if it was in a horrible, secret lab beneath a school that held some of his worst memories. Essek had gingerly lowered himself to lay beside him, not releasing the hand he held and not quite sleeping but barely awake. Mollymauk was littered with marks carved into him but seemed far more lucid than the full fae, sitting up and watching both of them like he thought they might disappear any moment. Frumpkin had finally emerged from the shadows and looked quite pleased with himself, sitting in Mollymauk’s lap. 

“Yasha?” Caleb looked for the bouncer.

“Yes Caleb.”

“How many of these books do you think you can carry back to the trailer?”


End file.
